To think there should be a 'Public Transport Proficiency Test'

[ChairOfTheBored]

I commute into London from a commuter belt 'burb, which means that twice a day I must inflict upon myself the joys of the tube and a crowded commuter train. I accept this isn't pleasant, but part of the price you pay for fields at the weekend.

But today was so much worse owing to the various sins of my fellow travelers, including (but by no means limited to):

Stopping in the middle of a busy mainline railway station's tube interchange to read a text message- not to one side you understand, but at the bottom of the flipping steps causing huge commuting pile up of bodies and brief cases;

using the only available handrail in a standing room only train carriage to lean your full body against, meaning no one else (chiefly me) can hold on to it to prevent ourselves skittering round the carriage as the train hits points without folding ourselves around you in a commuter display of body origami (I'm looking at you, lady in unattractively boxy jacket);

resting large and heavy suitcases on my feet (you again, jacket lady - in her defence, perhaps she was concerned for my safety, given I could anchor myself no other way); and

the usual ticket barrier kerfuffle where one doesn't bother to remove ticket from hefty bag until actually AT the barrier.

So, am I being unreasonable to think people should have to pass some form of test before being allowed to use public transport in peak times.

Or am I simply being a big old grump

YANBU but forgot those who try to get on a bus/train/tube/tram before letting people off. Actually I'd go so far as to say if you can't work that out you have no business being out on your own.

Don't get me started. I could write a 300 page book on the mindless stupidity I've encountered on London's public transport.

My main bugbear is the 'huddling' in the space by the doors, instead of moving up inside the carriage. It's so weird. What's wrong with people?!!!!

YABU because the worst sin is waiting until you are AT THE BARRIER or AT THE TOP OR BOTTOM of the escalator to s l o w l y fold the handle in your wheelie suitcase. Either carry it by the handle all the time or step out of the way.

Oh and those who insist on reading the paper with arms outstretched taking up the space of a whole other person instead of folding it into a neat rectangle.

Men who sit with legs spread and anyone who takes up both arm rests.

They should all have to go to public transport finishing school.

Btw, you would NBU to place a knuckle into the small of boxy jacket woman's back if she's leaning on the pole. I hate leaners.

YANBU - too many fools using the tube.

Standing right by the doors instead of moving down the carriage-Argh!
Going to Heathrow at 5:30pm in the week with an enormous suitcase that takes up the whole isle-Argh!
Eating any type of food, particularly chicken, and then leaving the wrapping/box behind the seats-Argh!
Tourists who stop right in front of the escalators to read their enormous maps! Argh!

Those who don't understand you stand on the right of escalators and in single file need training too.

Katie I fear I may accidentally done just that. Oh, and taken an unhealthy interest in her frigging Evening Standard which she insisted in spreading wide open in my face.

There is a special place in hell reserved for those who don't let you off before they try to get on. I mean, I'm not physicist but even I can work out that people getting off first is a good way of making more space for me.

And breathe.

I think YABU. Not everyone is used to travelling daily by tube. I went to London recently and found using the tube really daunting. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and had several people barge pass me when at the ticket bits, I didn't get my ticket out earlier as I was worried about dropping it because of people pushing into me and in the 3 days we were there only 1 person let me sit down and only then because my DP starting saying very loudly how shocking it was that no one would stand up and let the pregnant lady sit down. When your in London I think you have to bear in mind that there's lots of tourists who don't know what they're doing. I don't get why everyone is such a rush, what difference does 10 seconds take?

I understand that witches and not being a Londoner myself I can see it through the eyes of the tourist, I do try to be more considerate to those who are obviously uncertain of what the routes and the like. The thing is, the tube works best when everyone knows the rules, and that includes common courtesies like offering up seats, as well as the more London specific standing on the right type deals.

For right or wrong, as a frequent commuter, 10 seconds for me at each set of ticket barriers (all three of them) is the difference between succeeding in my perfectly executed 'desk, door, station, change, station, and home' routine, and missing the train and getting home 15 mins later.

Still, will try and remember I and others are only human, and be less of a tooth grinding ball of fury (large gin when I get home usually helps with this!)

Having said that live in a tourist town in Yorkshire which is a favourite for the over 85 and the at which they walk drives me mad every day and I find myself having to really resist mowing people down which is a little but hypocritical of me after my last post

Over 85's and the pace at which *

Those who don't understand you stand on the right of escalators and in single file need training too.

No Katie they need dropping under the escalators and grinding up in the mechanism.

What ChairOfTheBored said. Commuters who want to get home after a day's work are never going to be too tolerant of tourists puddling at the bottom of an escalator or messing about at the barrier.

But Witches I am sorry - there is absolutely no excuse for a pregnant women having to stand unless every seat is occupied by another pregnant woman or a disabled passenger - which is improbable!

It's astonishing how quickly I get the London "rush" habit. I live somewhere where public transport is once an hour (on good days) and the last bus goes at 9pm. I regularly spend time in London though and within 12 hours of being there I have moved on from the state of wonder and gratitude for frequent and convenient public transport. In no time at all I find myself standing on the tube platform and "tutting" when I realise that I've just missed one train and the next one is going to mean a wait of 3 whole minutes .

No the second coming and it's not a sense of being 'terribly terribly important' (Lord knows I'm not, if one was, one would have a driver surely?!) more a case of trying to get home at a reasonable time without extending my journey by any longer than necessary. I mean, isn't that normal? Or have I become corrupted by too many years of grumping round the capital.

Umm. TheSecondComing I think you may have misunderstood the tenor of the OP just a teeny bit.

I fear the grinding would cause further delays Andrew. (I have thought about this extensively whilst trying to get past chatters/snoggers/owners of giant wheely-casers).

Just asking for a seat if you can't stand on public transport (for whatever reason) is fine. That's why there's priority seats. No need to stand waiting hopefully for one.

Helpfully in London everything is clearly labelled from "stand on the right" signs to "way out" to "priority seat" and "keep left!".

Did you say excuse me or communicate with them that they were in your way?

roonilwazlib talk? to another commuter? Never!

Yes to moving down the carriage; drives me mad when hou've already had to let 3 tubes go by and some stupid bastard is too selfish to lift their briefcase and move down the bloody carriage.

Also those commuters who insist on trying to open the barrier with their oyster card while it is still at the bottom of their bag/stuffed in the middle of a massively full wallet (commuters most guilty of this).

The pregnant women one is vv hard though. I actually got up and pretended to leave the tube and ducked onto another carriage because i wasn't sure if a women standing right in front of me was pregnant or not. She was doing lots of random rubbing but when i gotmup and moved to stand by the doors way before the next stop to do the fake getting off thing, she didn't sit down for ages. Was baffled. But i wasn't in the mood for offending her by assuming she was pregnant.

I like to remind all the people who bitch and moan about how unfriendly London is that if they come at the weekend, it's full of tourists and not Londoners so basically all the people being rude are just like them! I rarely go to Oxford street at the weekend because it's horrific. Fine all other times. Actually, the best time to go is 12.30 on a sunday morning. Bliss!

You could tell I was pregnant. I have had a small build and a very large bump. I have to admit I would never be brave enough to actually ask someone to stand up to let me sit down, you just don't have to round here

My favourite commuter story takes place in a New York subway station, similar, really, to the London Tube.

I had just gotten off a plane from Iowa, where I attended university, to head home for Christmas. I had been in the mid-west of the US for so long that I had forgotten how to be a New Yorker.

So I am trying to make my way through a crowded platform saying 'excuse me, excuse me please' and no one was moving. Suddenly a wave of New Yorkerishness flowed through me and I snapped out 'get the fuck out of my way'. And the people parted like the Red Sea.

True story.

Rule #1 of London commuting is no eye-contact and keep your head down. Unfortunately, while it means you don't have to do anything as social as actually talk to another human being it does mean people often don't notice if you are pregnant. In fact you could be pregnant and on crutches and still some folk won't notice.

The only time I was asked to give up my seat I happened to be 39 weeks pregnant and I only had to ask for a seat once or risk fainting.

Men who sit in the middle seat in a row of three with their legs very wide apart. I snapped at one "Please put your legs closer together. No-one has a cock that large." He got up and moved.

Arf at mrs