to not give a flying fuck that she's not walking/talking/still BF

[cheeseandmarmitesandwich]

DD is 16 months. She has taken a few steps but prefers to get around shuffling on her knees - she's very fast! She also doesn't really say any discernable words - mama, dada she can roar when you ask what a lion says but that's about it! And she's still BF.

Now I am fine with all of this but DH thinks we have to 'sort it out' . He thinks we need to stop her going on her knees and force her to walk. He also announced that 'X's DD isn't BF anymore and she's only 1, why is our DD?!'

It's not just DH, I am sick of the comments people make - it's always 'is she walking?, is she talking?' and then 'ahhh, nevermind, I wouldn't worry about it' (errr- I wasn't worried?). And yes I know lots of my friends' babies have got X number of words and can run and jump and aren't they great but so what? My DD is very loving and gives great kisses, she's a whizz at any kind of shape sorter/puzzle and she understands a lot and follows simple instructins - things like 'get your shoes, where's your teddy, etc). The other day someone even started telling me all about their friend who is a speech therapist - wtf??

As for the BF, I would like to give it up, I am ready, but DD clearly isn't. And I don't want to upset her right now, she's had a lot of change with me going back to work etc. And it's not harming anyone, the only people it affects are me and DD so why do people even care??

She is our second child so I am well aware that different kids develop at different rates - it's just that DD1 was pretty early for most things and I think DH is comparing them .

Or AIBU and is she just lazy/stupid as everyone seems to think?

Are you sure you're fine with it all because to be honest you don't sound it?

Actually you sound a lot like me when I had my PFB and truth be told, deep down was worried and a bit envious of other people's babies who appeared more 'forward'.

Fast forward to DS2 and DS3 and I genuinely wasn't worried in the slightest as by then I'd learnt that an early walker/talker is absolutely no indication of a 'bright and clever' child

Well she is clearly not stupid or lazy. I doubt that anyone would be suggesting that - unless your equating stupid or lazy with having some kind of developmental problem (which would bother me a bit tbh).

Trouble with the year between 1 and 3 is that is such a period of development that it becomes the only thing anyone talks about.

I am sure she is fine. I bf DD for bloody years and that makes no difference. And she is young for most of the milestones people are talking about.

So I would ignore all but your DH. I doubt he is trying to piss you off. Isn't it more likely that he is concerned and being a bit of a twit because of that?

If it were me I would talk to him and try and make him see that he is over reacting and upsetting you. Maybe agree that if she hasn't started walking within x months or talking by x age, you will take her to the gp.

But I am sorry people are clearly upsetting you.

Just smile and ignore

I'm still bf my DD at 15 months. She is walking but not talking, I have absolutely no concerns at all though. My DH didn't start talking til he was 3 so there is massive room for differences.
I don't know why some people think it's a competition!

Lots of people breastfeed toddlers, breastfeeding a 16 month old is a parenting choice, its not bad parenting.

Your dd is really little and walking and talking will come. Its great she understands instructions and is sociable. Speech will come.

My son walked at 20 months due to orthopedic problems. He was late speaking due to glue ear. He is doing well socially and academically at the age of nine.

My son's child physio told me that "if a child sits by two (years old) then they will usually walk by four."

Parenting is a difficult job and it makes people insecure when they see people making different parenting decisions. Sometimes people mean well and don't realise they are upsetting you.

I am fine with it, I am just pretty angry with DH for suggesting that there's something wrong. I guess I sound pretty defensive because lately I seem to be always fielding questions from DH's family about walking/talking/BF. Apparrently SIL's kids were all members of Mensa by this age or something. I did think at least me and DH were on the same page but clearly not.

Pagwatch, 'lazy' is something that people do keep saying. 'Is she walking yet?' 'well she can do a few steps, but she likes walkking on her knees' 'ahh, she's lazy!' I know there's nothing physically wrong as she had to have a hip scan a few months ago as the HV suggested she may have hip dysplasia, but the results were all fine.

Take absolutely no notice of anyone else. Isn't she clever that she found another way to get around. She doesn't find it necessary to walk yet as can get to what she wants in her OWN unique way.

I closed my ears to all and threw the baby books away.

DS had a bottle at night until he was 7 - guess why, it was his comfort thing.

DS had a bath with his mum up until he was 5/6 - guess why, cos it was fun.

DS still gets in with mum occasionally and he's 13 - guess why, cos we snuggle and watch/discuss tv programmes together.

dd did not walk to 17 1/2 months, just before the 18m see you health visitor if not walking deadline. at 21 months I thought she as never going to talk, but by 24 months had exceeded the 50 words guidelines. I got so fed up of isn't she doing this that or the other though.

ds as breast fed til 2 1/2 when he gave up. (oh and my mum/h did go on about it )

if she isn't doing things by the recommended latest times then see your gp or health visitor.

It's perfectly possible that you and DH were on the same page, but his parents' comments have got to him and now he's worried. His feelings are just as valid as yours. I mean, I agree with you that none of what you've said is grounds to be concerned about, but I wonder why you're angry with your husband? Are you taking his comments as criticism of your parenting?

Sounds fine to me. They are all different.

A friend had her DD 3 weeks before I had DS. He walked at 10 months and didn't talk (and by that I mean joining not the odd single word) until he was 2. He was a tornado who just wanted to whizz everywhere he could as fast as he could! Her DD talked at 15 months and walked at 20 months.

I do take the piss a little now about how she thought it showed how 'intelligent' her DD was and how she concentrated activites meaning she'd be aceademic.

They're 7yo now and It ain't always so!

Mindyou neither of us managed BF past 7 weeks. Her because of choice due to difficulties and me because of viral hepititis and milk loss - and we both had set 10 months minimum as a target.

If YOU have concerns then contact the HV and I would suggest if it's your DH with the concerns he can - it is his DD too afterall.

As long as she is walking and talking by the time she leaves home! Thats my attitude to "development" milestones. They do things when they are good and ready.

I am fine with it, I am just pretty angry with DH for suggesting that there's something wrong

You shouldn't be angry with him for being a concerned parent.

Look around MN, there are concerned parents all over it with various worries about their children's development.

Most of the time, they just need a little reassurance and support

Yanbu

These conversations always remind me of that Michael McIntyre sketch where he points out that you never see an adult, crawling into a room at a cocktail party and explaining that they never learned to walk.
DS is 15 months and I don't think he will be walking soon, he crawls like a rocket, that's far more convenient than stumbling about.

I'm sure she is fine.

My first child was one of those 'early at everything' kids - walked at 10 months, spoke in sentences at 16 months etc. My second child was a completely different kettle of fish. Didnt walk until 18 months or talk until she was 2 yrs old. I was a bit worried, just because the only experience I had had was of my super-early-at-everything DS, so I do empathise with your DH.

However, as you said yourself, children develop at different rates. My DD, the late talker/walker, is now 3 and absolutely developmentally normal and, in fact, a bright little girl (if I do say so myself ) and very physically confident (scales high climbing frames etc).

There is a developmental range. She's in it.

Remind your DH that development is not flicking a switch or a straight line graph. Most children do not go from crawling 100% of the time to walking 100% of the time overnight. Children don't go from, 'Ger daa ber!' to 'Give me that!' overnight. It is a process one that doesn't come at a consistent rate. You may find that she makes more progress between eg 17.5 months and 18 months than she did between 14 months and 17 months.

The children who are walking all the time at her age won't have managed to fly by the time they're four. When they're running around in a playground together in a few years no one will be saying, 'Ah, I can tell that child was an early walker!'

We are in an almost identical situation

I have DD1 who walked at 8.5 months, talked early etc. and now have DD2 who is completely different.
DD2 is 14 months and is just about walking and says 'ta' and 'no' and that's about it. Not BF.
Lots have people have told me not to worry she will get there in her own time, like you I'm not worried!
She is as bright as her sister was but is just different.
We jokingly call her 'the blob' because, well, she kind of is

Just ignore the comments, I will too.

You are absolutely not unreasonable. Try to ignorevthe comments. When she starts running away and hopping up and downstairs, let DH and IL's sweat it out

Did you not kow that you and DH had such different ideas of how to parent before you had a child together?

YANBU just remember Einstein didn't talk till he was 2 - so early talking is an indication of nothing.

Thanks all- maybe angry was too strong a word, but his attitude does annoy me. He said he was embarrassed in the playground as there was a little boy taller than her running about who was only 11 months! He just thinks she should be doing these things because other kids are and won't just accept her as she is, at least that's how it feels.

He actually thinks we should shout at her and stand her up on her feet whenever she starts 'walking' on her knees. I think that's cruel!

I always recommend asking men how they would respond to their 16 month old second child taking to walking more slowly than their first child. Preferably on the second date.

[Grin] Narky puffin, I agree, clearly didn't do my research!

[Grin] Narky puffin, I agree, clearly didn't do my research!