to not give a flying fuck that she's not walking/talking/still BF

[cheeseandmarmitesandwich]

DD is 16 months. She has taken a few steps but prefers to get around shuffling on her knees - she's very fast! She also doesn't really say any discernable words - mama, dada she can roar when you ask what a lion says but that's about it! And she's still BF.

Now I am fine with all of this but DH thinks we have to 'sort it out' . He thinks we need to stop her going on her knees and force her to walk. He also announced that 'X's DD isn't BF anymore and she's only 1, why is our DD?!'

It's not just DH, I am sick of the comments people make - it's always 'is she walking?, is she talking?' and then 'ahhh, nevermind, I wouldn't worry about it' (errr- I wasn't worried?). And yes I know lots of my friends' babies have got X number of words and can run and jump and aren't they great but so what? My DD is very loving and gives great kisses, she's a whizz at any kind of shape sorter/puzzle and she understands a lot and follows simple instructins - things like 'get your shoes, where's your teddy, etc). The other day someone even started telling me all about their friend who is a speech therapist - wtf??

As for the BF, I would like to give it up, I am ready, but DD clearly isn't. And I don't want to upset her right now, she's had a lot of change with me going back to work etc. And it's not harming anyone, the only people it affects are me and DD so why do people even care??

She is our second child so I am well aware that different kids develop at different rates - it's just that DD1 was pretty early for most things and I think DH is comparing them .

Or AIBU and is she just lazy/stupid as everyone seems to think?

Have a instead

YANBU. She sounds like she's doing just fine. I wouldn't be remotely concerned. She WILL give up BF when she's ready.

Given the worst case scenario, which is that she will never ever walk (NOT that I think she's in this situation, by any means) what does he think nagging you will do to change this?

He probably isn't around enough children to know how different they are. Maybe you could suggest you go to the doctor together and that HE explains to the doctor what he thinks is wrong.

Sit back and when the doctor looks flabbergasted, enjoy the moment.

YANBU

I am going through this myself as my son is 15 months and the only one out of his similarly-aged counterparts not walking. But he is super-speedy at crawling and I think he thinks it's just more efficient on the floor.

I don't care personally, but do find myself being influenced a bit by everyone constantly asking about it in that 'sympathetic' way and some days wishing he would. But I can see he's getting there, and can do everything required - he just doesn't want to walk all the time yet!

Our nursery (otherwise great) wondered at 13 months why he wasn't talking yet - argh! Now he says hiya and uh-oh and they've stopped going on about it, but they're well within the normal range for talking.

Again, I BF and actually want to stop, but DS has been ill a lot lately and it's not the right time at the moment. He is getting an operation next week - I'm going to give it a try after that but am unsure if I'll really fight him while he's still quite young.

People just say things to fill the conversation, I ask people if their children are walking/talking etc out of politeness- but to be honest I really could't care less! With DC1 I was all about the walking/talking/'first shoes etc milestones. With DC2 I am much more "stay still and quiet a bit longer not needing expensive shoes"! [hgrin]

ds used to do that walking on the knees thing. Very cute but it did look rather uncomfortable. He didn't walk until he was 17 months old - I think cruising and knee walking were just too effective for him to feel the need to walk like a toddler!

Maybe you should buy your dh a copy of 'What to expect' or one of those other books that talks about stages - he may believe it if it's from an 'expert' (irritatingly enough).

He actually thinks we should shout at her and stand her up on her feet whenever she starts 'walking' on her knees

Ah. Well you're absolutely within your rights to get angry at that, that's ridiculous.

My sister didn't talk till she was 4

In the last 30+ years she hasn't stopped for breath once!!

Blimey. People calling her lazy are pretty grim cheeseandmarmitesandwich. That would piss me off I think.

I agree with everyone else that I am sure everything is fine and she will get all these things when she is ready.

But I have to add that the 'well you never see adults crawl into a room' and the 'well Einstein didn't talk until he was 2/4/8' are taking things too far.

If a child does have developmental issues then, often times, early intervention has a massive impact on how effective it is and that childs likely outcomes.
So a delay should be investigated if just to ensure that there is nothing contributing to it.

I think for example a child not speaking by two should be checked out. Mostly it will be nothing but if a child has issues such a verbal dyspraxia, early support is massively helpful.

Ds2 was spotted fairly early but I still regret the 6 months delay it took to get him help and he is 15 now - still has massive speech difficulties.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich, I totally get where you are coming from. My DD "walked" around on her knees for months before starting to walk properly. My DH was fine with it initially and didn't think anything was wrong. Until PIL started banging on every week that there was something wrong with DD and we should take her to the doctor and she really should be walking properly by now. I got pretty annoyed with them as I had done my research, spoken to the HV/doctor and knew that it was not a problem but PIL kept telling all and sundry that there was something wrong with DD and I had random friends of theirs coming up to me and asking if anything physically was wrong with DD.

Everyone is so keen to compare childrens development but it is impossible to as all children develop at different levels.

Not liking the lazy and stupid comments either, my DD must be really lazy and stupid, didnt walk until 2, isnt talking yet at 5

Oh tell them all to fuck off! really
she is fine, and its all 100000% normal sounding to me

why do people think its OK to comment like this, GAH

It really riles me

someone told me that my DS2 is not walking as "he's too fat"!!!! bitch

YANBU your husband is being ridiculous. She'll walk in her own time. I don't think shouting at a child is ever a great idea but for not walking properly?? That's madness, she isn't being naughty ffs.
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll What a silly thing to say, who predicts and discusses a situation like this?!

YANBU OP. 16 months is still so young and there are huge differences between children at that age.

As for the the bf thing, you are ready to stop but you know your DD isn't. You are being sensitive to her needs and continuing. I did the same with DS1 and DS2 (17 months) for very similar reasons. Continuing to bf after going back to work as been a brilliant way to reconnect after time apart.

Ignore the comments.

My DP bum shuffled until he was over 18 months old! And my ds crawled at the speed of lightening until around 16 months, I think in his case the crawling was so efficient he never needed to walk before then. It was only once he started getting badly bruised knees from our new wooden floors that he started walking properly. And he didn't talk much til he was around 2, and then it was quite hard to make out what he was saying. He is now 5 and appears only capable of running everywhere, and will not be silenced for love nor money.

I don't really know how your dh's suggestion would work, other than terrifying her.

porcamiseria [hshock] at too fat- bloody hell.

The knee walking sounds really cute. Surely it takes more effort than walking-hardly lazy.
I wouldn't be impressed at your husband's plan to shout at her either. She needs to know that Daddy loves her the way she is.

My daughter was born 7 days before my twin sister's daughter. They're 13 months now. My niece walked at 10 months and started saying a few words at 9 months I think. My daughter doesn't do either yet, so I get loads of questions and criticism. I'm a single parent, which is apparently the problem. And I'm breastfeeding her happily still.

Basically, you're not the only one!

My DS2 didn't say a single word until after he was 2. He BF to 2 as well. He is now 2.10 and Never. Shuts. Up. EVER.

DS1 has/ had delays - I do wish my concerns had been taken seriously, as we could have done with support before things got very tricky. But it was a completely different kettle of fish - DS1 was significantly delayed in some areas but almost scarily ahead in others. DS2 was quite obviously a completely average little boy, who was just too busy wrecking my house to talk!

Listen to your gut. I found that I was questioning myself - why on earth wasn't I concerned about DS2, when by the time Ds1 was 18 months I was tearing my hair out getting people to listen to me? I just knew/ know - DS2 is completely fine.

I have a guaranteed method for getting children to walk/stand up (presuming they are physically able to.)

Find the most valuable, fragile, irreplaceable object you own. Place it somewhere they can see it but can only reach it if they're fully upright. Turn your back and count to 10.

or chocolate

narkypuffin.

I've just asked my mum and I started walking at 18months, Dr was starting to make noises about a peads referral and I walked 2 weeks later.

Took a bit to speak too, have made up for it since.

My dd didn't walk until 18 months... She was a very stationary child. My house was clean until she mobilised, and I enjoyed several unaccompanied trips to the loo safe in the knowledge she wasn't going anywhere :)

I have 4 children.. and between them they cover a whole spectrum of development. One was walking by 9m and talking in sentences at 18m. Another walked at 2 and didn't speak til 4.

Oddly enough they are both walking talking teens now and no one cares who was first:) I secretly thought DS1 (the earliest walker and talker) might be super bright, but actually he is the most average kid around, whereas his sister who just SAT there and didn't talk... yup she's the one who got straight A Grades as GCSE....:)

Bum and knee shufflers are usually latest to walk because they have already perfected motion:)

No, your child isn't lazy or stupid. Just different development. Every child doesn't have the same development.

I agree with those who said YABU for being angry at your DH's concerns. They are valid and he needs reassurances.

Maybe the next time you have your doctor's visit, he should come along and can talk to the doctor. Or he can call the doctor and ask these questions.

Others can say what they want but this is your DH. You shouldn't dismiss them like others.

Your DH is just concerned. I'd be more worried if he wasn't. My DS (DC2) has just started walking at 18 months and I was starting to get a little concerned; it's natural. In fact I'd just decided I would get him checked out by HV when he suddenly started walking very nicely. Perhaps you could say to DH that one of you will take her to HV if she still isn't walking at 18 months and again at 24 months if she's still not talking. There almost certainly isn't an issue but if there is then best to pick it up sooner rather than later.

As for BFing that is for you to decide and even your DH shouldn't be criticising that choice.

I do think the comments from people outside the immediate family are just passing the time of day and you shouldn't take them to heart.