to not give a flying fuck that she's not walking/talking/still BF

[cheeseandmarmitesandwich]

DD is 16 months. She has taken a few steps but prefers to get around shuffling on her knees - she's very fast! She also doesn't really say any discernable words - mama, dada she can roar when you ask what a lion says but that's about it! And she's still BF.

Now I am fine with all of this but DH thinks we have to 'sort it out' . He thinks we need to stop her going on her knees and force her to walk. He also announced that 'X's DD isn't BF anymore and she's only 1, why is our DD?!'

It's not just DH, I am sick of the comments people make - it's always 'is she walking?, is she talking?' and then 'ahhh, nevermind, I wouldn't worry about it' (errr- I wasn't worried?). And yes I know lots of my friends' babies have got X number of words and can run and jump and aren't they great but so what? My DD is very loving and gives great kisses, she's a whizz at any kind of shape sorter/puzzle and she understands a lot and follows simple instructins - things like 'get your shoes, where's your teddy, etc). The other day someone even started telling me all about their friend who is a speech therapist - wtf??

As for the BF, I would like to give it up, I am ready, but DD clearly isn't. And I don't want to upset her right now, she's had a lot of change with me going back to work etc. And it's not harming anyone, the only people it affects are me and DD so why do people even care??

She is our second child so I am well aware that different kids develop at different rates - it's just that DD1 was pretty early for most things and I think DH is comparing them .

Or AIBU and is she just lazy/stupid as everyone seems to think?

My dd1 was an early walker and talker and dd2 wasn't - well she walked at 1 which is fairly early-ish but she wasn't speaking much at all until she was 2. I've just read that at 17 months dd3 should be speaking in sentences - well she's not - she gains words, uses them for a bit and then seems to discard them - certainly no sentences. She's also still BF :) I really do think they all develop differently - I think 1st children tend to develop skills earlier because they have 100% input - I think we may even push our 1st borns to develop more quickly because we're all so keen to see it happen - we're much more chilled with our subsequent children, happier for them to be babies for longer I think. So no, not being unreasonable at all.

DD3 was mono-syllabic until she was over 2. Now, she doesn't stop talking. Seriously OP, go see your HV if your concerned, if only to be reassured that she's still falling within expected parameters.

And everyone, everyone will comment on your children. It gets tedious. Learn to ignore it for your own sake. Tell your DH to stop comparing too, he's setting himself up for a major fall and/or potentially going to cause some hurt to your children.

DD2 didn't walk until 19-20m, can't remember exactly when. She was a late talker too but now at 6 she doesn't shut up. Or stop moving.

HV told me they wouldn't refer her till 2 anyway. DH didn't walk till 23m so i wasn't worried.

Your Dd can walk, so it's only a matter of time before she does it full time. As for talking, again something she'll do in time! If your DH is really that concerned he can talk to the HV and be reassured that it's normal development. I can't comment on BF 'cos i stopped well before 1y! :o

Of course you know all this but here goes anyway: my ds didn't say a single word before 18 months and was bf until he stopped of his own accord just short of 2. He walked at 14 months but didn't crawl, so I thought he was never going to move.

He is 5 and completely normal. No one has ever come up to me in the playground and said "you obviously bf that child for far too long"!

The responce to ''is DD walking'' is ''thankfully not yet, gosh I'm not looking forward to the walking stage. I don't know how you manage with Freddie falling over and zooming everywhere?''

I really wouldn't worry about language either. It develops in leaps and bounds around aged 2. Seems like her comprehension is very good and so the language will follow quickly. Can you google mile stones and show DH that your DD is actually well on track? Just that they all develop differently.

Well done you for BFing for such a good legnth of time too. All that nutrition and bonding can't be a bad thing. I BF all of mine till 16/18 months and was sad to stop.

No YANBU
Feed for as long as you/she wants to.
You can't 'force' her to walk, she will do it when she needs to
I also have 2 very different dds
DD1 walked and taked at 12 months
DD2 walked at the same age but didn't say much until about 20 months.
Both are exceptionally bright, talk non stop! (DD2 is now 3 and has a brilliant vocabulary/ sentence structure for her age).

I would leave it until 18 months and then I would get it checked out if she is still not walking. I was very "don't be silly, they all develop at their own pace" about it all, but 14 years later dd is disabled and early intervention might have made a difference.

Your dh is wrong to be embarrassed. But you don't know yet if he is wrong to be concerned; it is too early to tell.

don't think anyone's mentioned the pointing thing yet, have they? If you point your finger and say 'look at the doggie' (or whatever) does she follow your lead and look at the object? Apparently that has something to do with speech development - if they can, it's a good sign. However, I have forgotten all the details, I'm afraid...

What would worry me would be your dh, not your dd. What on earth does he think he's on, talking about shouting at a baby for not walking yet? How does he think that would help?! The idea that you can frighten children into developing new skills before they are ready is really nasty. Knock it on the head. Or knock him on the head! Get him to come to an HV appointment and get the HV to explain to him in words of one syllable that shouting at children doesn't actually achieve anything apart from making them cry.

YANBU but I think you may be reading a little too much judgements into people's throwaway comments. "Is she walking/talking yet" is just one of those inane comments that people always say to parents, without any meaning behind it (and often no interest in the answer either, but that's another issue ). I suspect the "Oh well, don't worry about it. They all develop at different rates" is the embarrassed reply people give when the answer is 'no' and they realise they may have said something to upset you.

Although if there's definitely judgement like the comment porcamiseria had about her child, then YANBU to tell them where to shove it.

Definitely don't worry about the BF-ing. It's not common to do extended BFing in this country, but it is perfectly normal worldwide and has many advantages. It's your decision.

As for everything else, presumably your DD had her 9 month developmental check and everything was ok? As the aunt of a child with SN it really can't hurt to have your DD checked out. If there are problems (and I think it highly unlikely from what you've written), the sooner they're picked up on the better. And having a HV give you the 'all clear' is excellent ammunition to shut up all the judgey pants out there.

All 3 of mine walked late, after 16 months. they were quite rubbish at sitting up unsupported too until quite late. all running around now though.

I dont understand why people jump to think there is something wrong with a child . The OP's DD is ambulant , communicative and prefers her mummys milk to any other leading brand. AND she is only 16 months old , for all we know this time next month she could be running about and singing ABBA songs . Why do all children have to conform to a set of standards and if they dont because they are little individual human beings and not an entirely seperate species , the world wants to label them as odd.
Phew ,sorry finished ranting

My son is 6 and still likes his bedtime milk from a bottle. Who cares? He's happy and fit and sleeps well. Good luck to you and your little one doing it your way.

Thank you all-frumpet, I think ambulant is my new favourite word .

Tbh I don't really mind random strangers asking if she's walking, it's when people like MIL or my nosy friendly neighbour say things like 'is she still not walking?'

I am 100% sure there is nothing wrong with her, she had her 10 month check which was fine, and as I said she had a hip scan a while ago which was all clear. And I have read/googled lots of child development stuff so I have done my research, but DH has decided to stop listening to me.

I've told him he's being silly and she's fine but he still insists on trying to put her on her feet at every opportunity. She just takes one step then waddles off on her knees .

Sounds normal to me, I b/f DS1 till 2 years 3months. Walking was like you said, few steps but not much at that age, ditto talking. He's 3 years 3 months now, no problems apart from late to potty train but I'm not stressing about that either!!

My youngest wouldn't even put her feet on the floor or the foot ledge on the pushchair, she just sat with her legs stuck straight out. I think because the other two walked late, I just wasn't so worried about it all. it is too easy to compare your kids to others or to their siblings. My son didn't speak much as his older sister always spoke on his behalf! I wouldn't worry too much at the moment, they all get there in the end.

Hi Cheeseandmarmite. Just wanted to say I too have a neighbour from hell! There are only a couple of days between her daughter and mine however hers walked at 9 months and mine at 16 months.

Every time she saw me outside with DD she used to run up and say "oh is she not walking yet? Don't worry she'll catch up with my DD one day. My DD is just so advanced because she learns so much at nursery." I am a SAHM by the way.

Also she used to ask me if I was still breastfeeding - she stopped at 6 months because her daughter was 'so advanced' and apparantly the fact that my daughter still breastfed at 16 months was due to her 'still being so babyish compared to her DD'.

Our DDs are now almost 20 months. Anyway one day a couple of months ago I had to go round with a parcel and DD said 'oh look mummy, (neighbours DD) has yellow shoes on!' Neighbour was clearly flustered by this and hasn't grunted more than a hello at me since as her DD isn't talking yet. It is absolutely pathetic. I would have liked for our little ones to be friends but she's so daft and competitive that I think I won't bother.

Point is competitive friends aren't real friends. Don't worry about what your friend's babies are doing, especially if they have competitive mums.

walking on kneees is quite unusual - i would wonder about maybe a physical reason?

but you could always suggest to DH he takes her to HV or physio or GP for a review - then they can reassure him. if he worried he should take her to get checked out and so he can be reassured. wont cost you anything to do that and that way he ehars it from someone else.

If your daughter can get to where she wants to go on her knees without having to get up then she will, just as if she can understand and make herself understood without saying the actual words (as in pointing at something she wants etc) then she'll do that too, because it's easier. I'm NOT saying she's lazy at all btw
Agree with cestlavielife, will she be due for a development check soon? Take Dh with you so he can ask anything he wants.

cestlavie - knee walking is not particularly unusual. Lots of kids do it. Just as some children prefer shuffling on their bottoms to crawling, some walk on their knees before they walk properly. Of course anyone who has concerns should check them out with a doctor or HV, but knee walking on its own isn't a problem.

issy the reason for not giving milk from a bottle is because sucking on the teat with teeth is likely to result in dental decay. Milk is sugary and as they suck, it coats their teeth. Not so bad if they drink it and then clean their teeth, awful if they fall asleep with it, leaving a sugary coating on the teeth overnight to rot them.

ds now 15 walked at 17 months, now keen rugby playing teenager. DD11 walked at 22months goes to dances 6 days a week.
It never bothered me but did seem to bother all my friends who felt they were behind!
DS2 3 walked at 14 months. Means nothing. Good for you to continue BF - just enjoy - all goes by far too quickly,ignore everyone it is not a race there is no finishing line!!!. pS I was a late walker too,did me no harm!

Hi C&MS,
Have not read to the end of this thread but your LO sound completely normal. One of my DNs shuffeled around on her knees until 18 months and is quite possibly still BF (she was 2 a few weeks ago). I wouldn't worry about it but would ignore your DH or at least tell him to stop making an issue out of it. My DH is a bit like that too - pain in the arse at the wrong time(s).

OP - Just a tip re the breastfeeding - do try to introduce some other milk/cup as well if you can. I solely breastfeed (beyond 18 months) and one of my boys then never took to milk at all and still wont. I was concerned about this for my daughters due to more risk of osteoporosis but I had awful time trying to introduce it and had to do cold turkey at 18 months and my husband give the cup. Unfortunately mine never weaned off naturally and my DH had enough of it like yours.

Ds didn't walk until 19mo. Everyone asked if he was walking yet and I got a lot of concerned looks when I said he wasn't. I ignored them. One day he just decided he was going to do it and off he went. He shuffled about on his knees a bit before he started walking properly.

He's not talking really at 23mo either, the odd word here and there but mainly just gibberish. Like your DD, his understanding is good and has been since he was 14 - 15mo ish.

I do worry about him at times but then I realise I'm being irrational. Your DH shouldn't try and force your DD to walk.

ds1 was slow to do everything. I didn't worry about it, but did used to wonder what was going on.

He's 13 now and came in the top 10 of his year for his examinations.

I had a friend who claimed that her 2 year old could dresss/undress himself and knew the alphabet She was lying living in fantasy land.