To hope my parents might babysit once in a while...?

[minko]

My DH and I went out to a friends engagement party last night and my parents stayed overnight to babysit. We got back about lunchtime today and my mum immediately upped sticks and left. I said thanks and that we appreciated the babysitting and she said all huffily that 'yes, I should think so!'. She also moaned that might kids are too noisy, make too much mess, watch too much TV and wouldn't make their beds (they are 5 and 8). There also weren't enough breakfast options (cereal, toast porridge, eggs etc all available) and the house was too cold.

We don't ask them to babysit very often - maybe once every 6 weeks or so. I don't see what the hardship is, but I always feel guilty asking. It's like they think our lives are too easy, that we have too much money that we don't appreciate stuff etc etc...

I am really upset, but I just DON'T GET IT!

You are very fortunate to have the support of your mum and able to have them babysit overnight. I have parents who have never helped and in laws who also rarely helped out. I have always had to pay for childminding and babysitters. It used to really get me down but I now realise that that's life and no point getting upset about it. I would speak to your mum about this and see what she is happy doing and perhaps agree to some compromise.It's worth discussing it with your mum as to what the issues are.

maybe some grandparents have a regular hobby or whatever that they do at the weekend and babysitting means they have to give that up.

I love my DGC dearly, but wouldn't babysit overnight.
I think you are being a bit ungrateful myself. I am assuming they have a life of their own, and are putting themselves out to babysit. I should think they feel as though you are taking them for granted.
My parents and in laws lived a long way away when my own DCs were small so I didn't have the luxury of grandparental help anyway.

molly i realise you are not the OP, and are indeed very lucky. I just felt your description of what makes a 'decent' gp was a little idealistic and unrealistic.

Lots of people become parents but as they get older doesn't mean they want to be taking care of little ones again, no matter how they love them. My kids gps live miles away, don't see them much, and i know are utterly exhausted after an afteroon with them, nevermind overnight etc. They are not medically unfit , just no longer in the zone of little kids anymore. And i'm an only child so taking care of my 3 is a whole new ball game!!!

And i didn't say it was wrong for gp to be involved, I said i think it was worng to plan your family around the assumption that your parents will step in and do the childcare, which is what i have witnessed lots of times. 'I'll have another baby cos my mum will look after it' attitude

I think also, despite being mothers, some women are not 'maternal' as such and this may well be an issue. Some women adore babies and kids their whole life, and others are not so fussed.

I think it does depend on your surroundings every single GP I know has the children on their own at the very least babysit once a week all my friends kids, brothers kids, colleagues kids etc so I dont think the OP is being unreasonable at all as most GPS I have ever encountered a desperate to have their grandkids all the time.

I'm moving to your town then can your family adopt me and mine!!

Not one of my friends or family, no matter where they live, and where they come from, has the grandkids on anywhere near that scale. And I'm including friends from home and friends i have made when we moved across the country.

I'm with you Molly. Mum and dad happily provided childcare while I was at work, did the school run and babysat during my nights out. I help care for my mum now that she is ill. It's what families do. Mil will care for DD when I return to work and I can't wait to have grandkids so I can do the same

I think it all relates to each other if you are brought up by a loving extended family then it goes on and on through the generations and as you are close you dont move away from the area so all stay geographically close etc so you always have a large support network etc. Also in areas like that most people are similar and still live on same street/area as their gps most of my friends live within a streets distance of their parents and in laws.

jandymaccomesback.

Well, well. My other names are jen robins and rosamund. How is Marigold?

Anyway. I am a grandparent and love to babysit. I just wish I were asked more often. My parents lived 50 miles away when I had small ones and they did babysit when my XOH and I went to all night parties with friends over that way. We would get back to their house at 6.00am and my OH would go to bed but I couldn't because (a) at 6.00am I begin to wake up again and (b) I knew that another period with my two awake would be rather too much for my parents.

My new husband and I had a 4 year old to stay wth us for a few days a year ago and we planned what we would do with and for him and it worked magically.

I have the awkward situation where my FIL and his wife have a DD (7 months older than my oldest DC.) I've babysat for them on numerous occasions, most recently a full day in July. They've had my oldest DC once when we moved house and that was before DC2 was born. Nothing since then, and we haven't seen them since that full day of babysitting in July. They have zilch interest in us. :(

My mum helps me out alot with my DS (who is now 8). She picks him up from school every Monday and has him to stay around every 6 weeks (till lunchtime) but the difference is I am extremely grateful. I really don't know how I would have got through these years without her. I am a single parent and on my own nearly every night so those nights out make a huge difference to me.

I don't ask her for holiday childcare etc though and I wouldn't ask her more than that - if I want another night out, I save up for a babysitter (8-11) which is very expensive.

But I do know that I am very lucky with this - I don't always give my mum a present but she knows how grateful I am and we are very close.

I think you should be grateful that your parents babysit so often and overnight too.

colken my mother loved the Abbey Girls and my childhood nickname was Jandy Mac(Iwasn't Janice McDonald but it was close).
Lots of good points about how tiring it is when you are a grandparent. I actually have my DS and his family to Sunday lunch most Sundays.We have plenty of toys and I love to look after the GC from time to time during the day but we do it when it suits both parties. Sometimes I need a "Grandchild fix" and ask if I can have them,sometimes DiL asks if I will have them. Sometimes I sit in the evening too. The point is that I do this willingly, not because I ought to.

The time between your parents having their grandchildren bears no relevance on your mother's snotty behaviour. My parents were exactly the same and it used to rile me. I couldn't understand why they didn't just flatly refuse to have the children, rather than having them and then bitching.

YANBU

And, there's no reason why your parents can't have your children WITHOUT bitching!!

I think a lot of people would disagree that you don't have to be geographically close to have a close relationship with them.