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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope my parents might babysit once in a while...?

94 replies

minko · 23/10/2011 16:46

My DH and I went out to a friends engagement party last night and my parents stayed overnight to babysit. We got back about lunchtime today and my mum immediately upped sticks and left. I said thanks and that we appreciated the babysitting and she said all huffily that 'yes, I should think so!'. She also moaned that might kids are too noisy, make too much mess, watch too much TV and wouldn't make their beds (they are 5 and 8). There also weren't enough breakfast options (cereal, toast porridge, eggs etc all available) and the house was too cold.

We don't ask them to babysit very often - maybe once every 6 weeks or so. I don't see what the hardship is, but I always feel guilty asking. It's like they think our lives are too easy, that we have too much money that we don't appreciate stuff etc etc...

I am really upset, but I just DON'T GET IT!

OP posts:
happygilmore · 23/10/2011 18:55

But it sounds like they see your children loads! Visiting every week?! How much more do you think they should see your children?

FWIW we only have one set of parents left, they've only seen DD a few times since she was born (17 months).

ladyintheradiator · 23/10/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 23/10/2011 18:58

I'm really not sure what your expecting from your parents etc. babysitting every 6 weeks and seeing them weekly and you still want more? Perhaps you should just more your dc in with them?

angelinterceptor · 23/10/2011 19:12

Oh dear OP you're getting a hard time here. I don't think YABU actually.
You are lucky however to get babysitting every 6 weeks or so.
I am lucky I have 2 set GP but they don't do much babysitting or school runs or holiday help.
Of course its hard in our case to see them help out other siblings but not us.

We have to book about 4 months in advance if we want babysitting and it seems such a big deal I usually don't bother anymore unless I really have to. Usually buy chocs or book/magazine, wine etc to show appreciation.

CoffeeDog · 23/10/2011 19:15

MIL is having my 5 yr old for the first time on thursday for a sleepover ;) no one has ever had our twins. Could they not have the kids at their house?

One of the mums at twin club drops her 2 off at MIL EVERY FRIDAY untill saturday pm - and has done since they were born!! I am sooooooo jellous

SugarPasteZombie · 23/10/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fivegomadindorset · 23/10/2011 19:31

It sounds like they were huffy perhaps about you not turning up until lunchtime, but as you won't answer that question we will never know.

Original poster
minko · 23/10/2011 20:26

Oh sorry, who's huffy??? We had trouble getting home as the trains were up the creak with engineering work. We intended to be back by 10.30. I did phone several times with progress reports.

Anyway, enough already. I will give them a present as suggested, then won't ask them again, so let's all forget it.

OP posts:
ll31 · 23/10/2011 20:29

haven''t read all thread - but do u really not give them a present every time - even a bottle of wine or chocs or book or whatever - surely they haven't been doing all that babysittng and you;ve given them nothing, no token of appreciation!!!

Putrifyno · 23/10/2011 20:30

Overnight babysitting til lunchtime! You are fecking LUCKY to have parents willing to do this. I bet you didn't have to pay them either. Every 6 weeks!!!! I have never had a babysitter I didn't pay the going rate/taxi home.

usingapseudonym · 23/10/2011 20:30

Wow I'm amazed you have babysitting every SIX weeks!!!! My dad loves my daughter but doesn't take her unless very urgent (like hospital appointment) and even then just for the 40minutes or so.

I think you're incredibly lucky having grandparents that will do this and should really value them! I know very few that would happily do overnight and then all morning the next morning. I bet they were exhausted! All night with kids is knackering especially when you are older. You wake every sound wondeirng if they are ok.

It sounds like they were expecting you to be back early in the morning perhaps?

Honestly I would try and make it up to your mum and ask what it is they would like next time. They sound very interested in you/your children if every week they ring if they've not seen the children. Yes some grandparents are the doting type but they are few and far between and its partly temperament and partly down to what else they have on in life. Their lives cant suddenly revolve around your children.

You sound very "entitled" tbh - maybe try to value them a bit more. I have a 2 year old and have never had an overnight, and only once had a night out with my husband without my daughter. Of course I'd like more but its not overly unusual.

bottleofbeer · 23/10/2011 20:35

Hmmm I have a friend who I often babysit for. Overnight. To me that would mean dropping them off after tea and picking them up at some point before lunchtime next day.

Only the child would be dropped off before tea and often not picked up until after tea the following day. I felt pissed off as I felt this was taking advantage, totally. Otherwise I didn't mind doing it. But to me that was more a case of 'can you have them for the lion's share of the weekend' and suddenly I did mind.

Set clearer ideas of what babysitting entails. It's when you don't and pick and choose your own times for getting back/picking them up that people get pissed off and when people are pissed off they tend to find other things irritating as well (things that nornally wouldn't bother them).

helpwhatdoIdonow · 23/10/2011 20:41

My mum refuses to babysit for us. Dh has no parents. You're very lucky!!

natation · 23/10/2011 21:42

Our kids have only one set of grandparents who live1000km from us and they have babysat about 5 times in 15 years!!!!! Some people really don't appreciate what they have.

SenoritaViva · 23/10/2011 21:45

Don't go and sulk and not ask them again. Just try to improve the situation.

halcyondays · 23/10/2011 23:53

Only once every 6 weeks and they stay overnight? I'd be over the bloody moon if we had someone to babysit every six weeks! And we've never had a night to ourselves since having dd1 who's now 5. Ok, maybe your parents moan a bit, but you are very lucky.

turquoisetumble · 24/10/2011 00:13

Minko - please ignore all the 'you are so lucky' posts. I don't think that grandparents having the kids once in 6 weeks is in any way excessive. In fact many, many grandparents would love it. However, it seems that your parents don't, so this is all about dealing with reality.

You have an ideal in your head where your parents love to have your kids around and are the perfect fairy cake baking grand parents. This hasn't turned out to be the case. They do their 'duty' but grudgingly and that upsets you. I do understand that - and I have an inclination that maybe they weren't the most loving and supportive parents to you either.

I think your best route is to simply lower your expectations of your parents. The suggestion that they have the kids at their's is a good one, could it work? Try and work out a solution before you cut contact, stay pragmatic. A trusted babysitter is a trusted babysitter and a free one is a gift from the gods.

superdragonmama · 24/10/2011 00:14

21 years, 3 kids, and 1 evening babysitting between 2 sets of completely healthy grandparents!

Took me a long while to come to terms with the almost total disinterest of the grandparents, but now my kids are older I just think it's the grandparents who've lost out.

Every 6 weeks isn't the best, but it certainly isn't the worst! Once every half term, not bad, not bad at all.

molly3478 · 24/10/2011 07:42

My parents take ours whenever and have them overnights till lunchtime, weekends or in the day. They do it because they want to and would never moan about it because thats what decent GPs do.

itsybitsy08 · 24/10/2011 08:20

Molly mine do too. They love my dd and enjoy having her. I too would be upset if I felt that they thought looking after her were a chore. They certainly don't expect a gift every time they have her either, although appreciate a thankyou. OP I also don't think that once every six weeks is alot particually. I would also like to point out that having your children babysat by gps is not by any means passing on any parental responsibility Confused

ravenc · 24/10/2011 08:31

my parents have my 2 dds every friday or saturday night always have done from the day they were born, they also take them away one week in the year. I am extremely lucky that i have parents like this. The girls also have there own bedroom,toys,clothes ext at there house as well. My best friend on the other had is a lot like other people on here she has nobody to have her dc and always tells me i dont know how lucky i am. Im just happy my parents are involved and love there grandchildren.

molly3478 · 24/10/2011 08:33

exactly itsybitsy08 I dont ee it as a favour its spending time with your own flesh and blood how can it be a chore?

mrsbleasdale · 24/10/2011 08:34

You shouldn't post on here if you don't want to know what people think Hmm

You never mentioned the trains being late - so your initial post sounds like you just pitched up back home when you felt like it. Perhaps your parents had plans for the day, and you being delayed, while not your fault, messed up a bit of their day? Making them shoot off as soon as you got home?

And no matter how old your kids or parents are, looking after them could well be tiring and a bit much. I actually don't think My parents take ours whenever and have them overnights till lunchtime, weekends or in the day. They do it because they want to and would never moan about it because thats what decent GPs do. is right. There are plenty of decent GP out there, but childcare of young kids may not be their thing anymore. Your kids, not thiers, and just because they're family I don't think means they have to be involved to the degree you want.

We've had one night away in 6 yrs (3 kids). But to be honest we don't ask for help very often anyway. We have odd meals out, but are always home by 10pm. I have friends that have based their number of children on the assumption the grandparents witll have them and share the childcare - i think it's wrong.

Your opening title is very misleading - hence the backlash on here. I thought you were going to say you've not had a night out in 6months, 1 year, 5 years etc -in which case I'd have been totally supportive of you!

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/10/2011 08:42

My mil has had sil kids from BIRTH. both of em. Sil lived with them when they were first born and would absolve herself from all parenting as soon as mil came home from working all day in a noisy factory.

She still collects 12 yo from school 3 times a week, arranges hosp appts for them. She has only just stopped putting their repeat prescriptions in.

Sounds like your mum has forgotton kids are noisy! and she could have just turned the heating up, its not hard is it?.

Dont ask her again for a while and wait for the "we NEVER get to see dc". Thats what my dh cousin does when his parents get huffy with babysitting.

molly3478 · 24/10/2011 14:49

Mrsbleasdale - i am not the OP. I have parents who take our DD any time I want as do the vast majority of people in my area have their grandkids overnight at least weekly. I live in a family orientated area though and my mum and dad would never see it as them doing me a favour, same as I wont when i have grandkids. I personally think iunless there is severe medical issues it is very strange not regularly wanting your gps to stay with you personally, but thats how I have been brought up and how GPs act in my area.

I think its weird that you think its wrong and think surely thats what being in a family is all about. I wouldnt have it any other way personally.

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