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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I'm not putting my dd in danger

102 replies

itsallgravy · 22/10/2011 21:51

Arranged to go shopping with a newly pregnant friend today. Pregnant with her pfb.

She drove to my house so we could travel together in my car.

I am now feeling really pissed off with her comments about dd car seat position and want your opinions on if I really am 'putting her at risk' or if she is just talking out of her arse!

Dd car seat is behind my drivers seat in the back. Simply because the position that it has to be parked on the drive means the other back door on the passenger side opens right onto a brick walk and frankly it would be a pain in the arse mucking around squeezing through the gap. Never really given it any thought tbh, just naturally always fitted seat behind mine.

My friend seemed shocked that I didn't know the apparent safety risks of doing this. According to her most collisions impact on the divers side of the car and I'm putting my dd in grave danger....!

Is she right?! Do I need to put down this glass of wine right away and go outside and refit the car seat ASAP just incase we may have an emergency in the night and need to rush out in the car (!)

OP posts:

bonkers20 · 23/10/2011 10:36

kirsty that article is nearly 6 years old - so the research probably about 7 years old. Have there been any follow up studies?

Original poster

itsallgravy · 23/10/2011 11:23

Wow so it would seem we are both wrong and the safest seat is the middle then?

I'm glad so many others are as unaware as myself... In the nicest possible way of course!

Goes to show how little advertised this information is. Shops should IMO be telling customers what side of their cars they recommend the seat be fitted.

And yes I too thought dummies reduced chances of SIDS? We were given a lot of leaflets, booklets etc by mf and doctors etc when pregnant that advised on using a dummy for first few months.

Although can't say I sterilized them beyond the initial new born stage... Just gave them a quick lick with my own mouth. Thats an official germ killer isn't it? I figured we didn't steralise her own hands or little toys that she kept putting in her mouth so why bother with the dummy?

My understanding is that steralising exists to kill milk proteins left on bottles and teats not to kill the everyday germs that build up an immune system?

Although I will happily be proven wrong.

OP posts:

Psammead · 23/10/2011 11:26

badoomtish

We chose our car based soley on its safety record. We chose the safety package as an extra. Our car seat has the best safety rating in its weight class. DH drives carefully, and we drive as little as possible. We carefully remove thick padded coats and jackets from DD before putting her in the car. I have heard evidence on both 'sides' of the argument as to whether passenger or driver's side is the best and we have gone with the option which makes more sense to us. Everybody tries as hard as they can to keep their children safe (a fact car seat manufacturers know and take full advantage of imo, but that's a different thread). I should imagine there are hundreds and hundreds of statistics pertaining to things you can do to keep your child a tiny bit safer, potentially, but the fact is, if you drive a car, you are taking a calculated risk with your child's life.

I just thinking that someof those of those calculations are (much) more trivial than others.

I never said we should go back to the bad old days of sticking children in the boot. My post was intended to demonstrate the point that at some point you have to stop analysing the 0.001% chances of this and that and just drive.

Forrestgump · 23/10/2011 11:27

She will prob only have one child and end up with baby in the front so she can hold it's hand on long journeys then?

And iF she decides to have more children where is she going to put them?

I would seriously bin the car, and by a tank!

Forrestgump · 23/10/2011 11:27

Buy!!!

4madboys · 23/10/2011 13:38

whoever asked abou the dummy and sids risk, it actually said in the bounty book i got with my dd that they now recomend dummies to help prevent sids in the first 6mths (she is 10mths old) i think its in all the safe sleep stuff that the hv gives out etc as well, i shall have alook but it is recomended now, not a must do like lie on their backs but it has been shown to be beneficial. not that that had any bearing on why dd has one, she is just baby no5 and i quite frankly just did whatever it took for her to SLEEP

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 13:45

I have 3 kids - I seat them in order of preferance - so the one who's behaved the best has the gratest chance of survival in a crash - kind of like using a start chart - works for us

needanewname · 23/10/2011 17:27

LordOfTheFlies · 23/10/2011 18:23

Why do so many parents put their young DC in the front passenger seat?
I'm not talking about babies who you want to have beside you to keep an eye on them (Rear facing seats ,no airbag)
Or pre-teens. There are laws regarding the age a child can go in the front.IIRC it is 12. And they should be able to reach the floor with their feet.
My 9 yo (tall) DC still has a booster because the seatbelt rubs her neck.Always in the back.

I see countless parents with a small (primary school DC in the passenger seat) when they have a perfectly good empty back seat.

There's a driving instuctor at school who puts their infant school DC in the front seat.They must know the law.
My police BIL lets their two sons swap places to travel in the front (when the youngest was underage/height/weight)
It's fk all to do with me if they put their DCs in danger. But I wonder why anyone would risk their most precious 'possessions' ?

There are laws. It's about safety.

Lonnie · 23/10/2011 18:48

going down memory lane I remember being inKindergarden and our teacher taking 6 of us to the shops in her tiny fiat 1 in front 3 in back and 2 in the boot.. thre was always compettiion for being the 2 in the boot.

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 18:51

there are not laws regarding age and front seats

ragged · 23/10/2011 18:58

Oh ffs, Psammead is right. 'Tis splitting hairs to get too het up about this.

LordOfTheFlies · 23/10/2011 19:50

The law states-and I can't do links but it's all available online- that a child under 12 /under 135cm (which both these children I saw/mentioned were ) can travel in front seat if they have an age/weight appropriate seat. Which they did not.

But even law aside, why put a small child in the front when there is space in the back?

Ormirian · 23/10/2011 19:59

Oh lordy! SHe sounds like hard work

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 20:13

ah but you said There are laws regarding the age a child can go in the front - there are NOT - there are laws about booster seats - correct - but that is not what you said

LordOfTheFlies · 23/10/2011 20:31

Okay - what I wrote was a bit garbelled.

In my day ( and I'm going back here) it was 12 and above.
But car seats/booster seats etc have come along and things change.
Its just a subject close to my heart and IABU to get annoyed at other people -as I said it's nowt to do with me if they put their 6yo in the front.It's their child.
But I've been in 2 RTA myself.One side on where my Ds who was 2 was in his massive car seat in the back. His seat was damaged but he was fine.
One where my car was written off my someone driving across in front of me (non fault). If I'd have had a DC in the front ???

Calm now

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 22:21

I am calm but I totally dispute that in anyones day there was a legal age limit on kids being in the front - sorry - and I am 42 - never come accross it

in my day the only rule was do not lean on the doors going round corners or they will open and only 3 kids in the boot otherwise the shopping didn't fit

Psammead · 23/10/2011 22:28

I am 30. I seem to remember something about a guideline (not sure it was a rule) where you couldn't sit in the front seat until you were twelve.

I would have been about 8ish because I remember driving with my dad to pick my sister up from her boy friend's house when she was about 16, and she is eight years older.

I was allowed in the front, sat on a sofa cushion and I was very proud. It never happened often though.

Anyway, that would have been in 1988. But I still slept in the boot on long journeys. A policeman approached us once to ask what my dad was carrying from the boot of the car in the dead of night. When my dad told him it was his half-sleeping daughter, the policeman said 'that's ok then' and waved him on.

Psammead · 23/10/2011 22:30

Oh hang about. I am 31. And apparently senile, so best not take anything I say as gospel.

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 22:31

pmsl wait till you get to 40+ - who are you anyway and why are you on my laptop - ohhh now where's my hat pin ....

Psammead · 23/10/2011 22:31

In fact I am not sure what's more remarkable - the fact the copper didn't care about children being transported in the boot, or the fact that there was a time when policemen just walked around residential areas making sure things were ok.

mousyfledermaus · 23/10/2011 22:45

in gernany children under 135cm or under 12years are not allowed in the passenger seat.
have not heard about this rule in the uk though.

BOOareHaunting · 23/10/2011 22:46

Plus a ritual to check I had loaded everyone as I had a recurring nightmare about leaving a baby in the seat on the drive.

I had that too after I had actually done it and it haunted me

OP yanbu, my sister is due in a week and you'd think I'd learnt nothing in the 7 years I've had DS the way she harps on. (forgiven as she seemed hormonal and uncomfy today so may be labouring quite soon!)

I just said do as you see fit, take advice and use it how you want because once a parent your damned if you do and damned if you don't and not all babies, situations, lifestyles fit the 'ideal situation'.

She's still convinced she'll do it by the book and her way is correct.

GreyRosesAreMyFavourite · 25/10/2011 15:15

When I was a baby, my mother apparently just laid me in the moes basket across the back seat (where there were no seatbelts anyway)....

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 25/10/2011 15:24

It sounds as if all things being equal it is marginally safer to have a child behind passenger seat rather than driver seat. It is also the side nearest the pavement when you pull in at the side of the road so would be a bit more convenient for most people.

BUT in your case you have a good reason for having car seat behind driver's seat ie that it is easier to get your DC in and out. Therefore this is the most sensible thing to do for your life and small statistical differences are discounted.

Your friend is being ridiculous.

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