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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "give me a bloody chance?!"

29 replies

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 21/10/2011 21:00

I had DS on Sunday by EMCS. My lovely friend visited today with lots of lovely gifts for me and DH, DS1 and the new bub. All lovely. Now, she has no children, so has no experience of being pregnant, so I do forgive her, but she said...

"why are you still so big?"!!!!!!!!!!!!

She did then say sorry, she's ignorant about these things, but doesn't understand that once there's no baby inside anymore why would your tummy stay so big?!

I probably now look about 5 months pg, and have no idea how long it will be until I don't look at all pg anymore. But I know it'll take more than 4 days, especially after major abdominal surgery was involved too!

Harumph!!!!

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 21/10/2011 21:03

If she hasnt got any kids, or known anyone who has just given birth before, then she has probably only seen the stories in the DM and OK magazine of celebs who are back in their size zeros in 24 hours... Grin

Tell her to look at the photos of Pink taken a couple of months after having her daughter for reality!

ChocolateTeacup · 21/10/2011 21:03

Blimey Foot in mouth! It will take a few weeks for your tummy to go back and it will be incredibly stretchy for a while XD

trixymalixy · 21/10/2011 21:03

YANBU!!

But to be fair to your friend I was shocked at how big my tummy still looked after the baby came out!

EllaDee · 21/10/2011 21:04

Just remember it if she ever does have children, eh?

Btw, she is a bit naive IMO - I don't have kids but I did work out all on my own what's going on!

MsVestibule · 21/10/2011 21:06

So - you had the baby on Sunday, which makes it Day 5 today. And you still have a mummy tummy? If I were you, I'd get that shifted ASAP, otherwise your husband will stop fancying you and women will point at you in the street in disgust.

She was exceptionally tactless, but I guess we all are sometimes... I'm sure once you sort out your personal trainer, you'll be posing in a bikini in no time. Goes off to read Heat.

Carrotsandcelery · 21/10/2011 21:06

Congratulations!

But poor you. I feel sorry for you and for your friend.

Your post baby bump will go away but it takes different amounts of time for each baby.

She will be cringing massively at her faux pas and feeling very bad. She has probably never thought about it before and assumed everything just pinged back into place.

It doesn't sound cruelly intentioned although I appreciate it was very tactless, given that you are recovering from a considerable procedure.

Enjoy your baby and don't think too much about it. It will pass.

Arachnophobic · 21/10/2011 21:07

Oh blimey, you poor mare. I know she is inexperienced but honestly, what a thing to say!!

I have had two CS and I have heard that a natural delivery leads to a flatter stomach more quickly.

Enjoy motherhood and congrats on your DS!

Original poster
feelingratheroverwhelmed · 21/10/2011 21:09

She was absolutely not being mean at all and I wasn't upset, I actually think it's quite funny! I think it came from a genuine belief that the tummy is all baby, baby has now gone, so why still a tummy?

Bless her!

OP posts:
PattySimcox · 21/10/2011 21:09

YANBU she was insensitive

monstermissy · 21/10/2011 21:11

My friend asked me this after my 3rd, she has just had her first and i wrote her quote in the bottom of the card i sent as i said i would do 6 years ago when she asked me ;) took 6 years but i got my own back!

(in case anyone worries im being mean to a new mum its al in good fun)

happydotcom · 21/10/2011 21:12

Congrats!
YANBU - I had my DS 4.5 months ago. I popped into work today and a staff member asked if I was preggers again as I "still looked so big"

I could have cried! It takes a while to go back to pre pregnancy weight and I mangaged to gain an impressive 5 stone but comments like that don't help.

It's not like we new mummies have enought to contend with :)

Nicdigby · 21/10/2011 21:16

all of my NCT group (first timers) took our pre-pregnancy trousers in our hospital bags to "go home in as our tummies will be back to normal".
It was a lesson hard-learnt.

rhondajean · 21/10/2011 21:17

She didnt mean it - after DD1 I was shocked that I wasnt immediately (ie she was born at 3pm, by bedtime that night) back to normal. Im still Shock when I see other people who look pregnant some time after giving birth - and I have had two kids - but Im also Shock at how big some peoples bumps get (both mines were early and very small). You only know what you know and if shes never had any babies yet, its one of the things that they dont tell you.

For what its worth, I had one "normal" delivery and one EMCS and both took about the same time for my stomach to flatten right out again.

Bet she is kicking herself now for being so tactless.

Best one though was dh meeting someone he worked with who was on maternity leave in Tesco a few years back. "So" says he "Cant be long until you go now eh?" as womands OH comes round the corner with trolley with baby strapped into the child seat. He looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him!

naturalbaby · 21/10/2011 21:18

I remember thinking the same thing before I had kids - I saw a photo of a mum who had just had twins and couldn't believe how her tummy looked. I had no idea!

Original poster
feelingratheroverwhelmed · 21/10/2011 21:32

When I had DS1 I bought a pair of trousers one size larger than normal to wear to come home from hospital in. I was gutted that they were horribly horribly tight!

Thing is I was lucky with DS1 as I was back in my normal jeans after 3 weeks (!) but I've got a horrid feeling I'm not going to be so lucky this time, especially with the amount of chocolate I'm currently troughing!!!! Grin

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 21/10/2011 21:41

it is quite a shock to go from that beautifully round firm tummy to a heap of dough, and then realise that it is going to take an awful lot of work to even remotely achieve previous dimensions.

DrCoconut · 21/10/2011 21:48

I have seperated abs and still look pregnant despite DS2 being 6 months old. I never really got back to my original shape after DS1 but a second pregnancy finished my belly completely! I was asked when I was due etc when DS2 was still a twinkly in his father's eye. It's not a weight issue as I am at my pre baby weight, just that my belly bulge will probably never go :( Dr and HV don't seem concerned though, it seems that it is a cosmetic rather than medical problem. But most people do seem to go back to normal quite fast from what I've seen.

boohoobabywho · 21/10/2011 21:56

i was having fertitilty treatment and was very hormonal ( my only excuse) and i got in a lift at the hospital with a woman who had quite obviously just gone out for a fag (smelt of fresh ciggy smoke)

Any way, she was huffing and puffing and bending over a bit and i looked at her and said 'Youre not going to have that in here are you?' in a VERY haughty manner.

She looked me dead in the eye and said 'no i had it this morning' i ran out of that lift as fast as my little legs would carry me.

I'd like to appologise to her if she happens to be reading MN!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 21/10/2011 22:07

I remember my DH going to call on neighbours once. They were expecting their first baby and they were about a week past the due date.

When he came home I said "Has X had the baby yet?" and he said he didn't know.

Me: How can you not know?
DH: Well, they had a baby there, but X was still quite big so I wasn't sure if it was theirs.
Me: Where else would they get a baby from?
DH: I don't know. Anyway, I thought it best not to mention it.

I reminded him of this after we had our LO, with a warning that any comments from him along the "still quite big' lines would not be appreciated.

OP your friend sounds really sweet. I bet she was horrified to realise what she had said.

MissPenteuth · 21/10/2011 22:13

When I had DD I took a maternity top with me to wear home from hospital. I hadn't worn it since I was about 8mo pg, but assumed I'd be smaller once DD was out; I couldn't even fasten it! When my mum saw me a few days post-birth, she asked if I was sure they hadn't left a baby in there by mistake Hmm. I actually posted on here asking if it was normal to still look 7mo pg a few weeks after birth.

Your friend is just ignotant of how these things work. My mother on the other hand, having been through childbirth twice herself, should have bloody known better.

rockboobs · 21/10/2011 22:14

YANBU for getting peed off with a remark like that

but still, how would she have known if she's never given birth? - after my first was born I remember sobbing to my Mum because I was convinced that the midwife had left something inside of me - I was freaked I still had this blobby thing in my front.

eurochick · 21/10/2011 22:15

I remember the first time I saw a post partum woman. I was astounded that she hadn't immediately "deflated" after the baby came out. I was much younger and I had no idea! I managed not to say it but I had the same reaction as your friend. She's just naive and probably feels awful now!

Rollon2012 · 21/10/2011 23:32

bit of a cheeky bitch tbh, not having kids isnt an excuse for having no tact.

SpringHeeledJack · 21/10/2011 23:36

no-one told me my belly wouldn't ping back to normal the second ds was out

all my going home clothes were my pre preg ones. I had to hold my trousers up with some postman's rubber bands Grin

CustardCake · 21/10/2011 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.