to think my friend may be right?

[JaneFonda]

For those of you who don't know, I gave birth to gorgeous twin girls (Grace and Poppy), in August, and they were premature.

Since then, it has been very much a rollercoaster ride, they've both had their setbacks and are still in hospital, but we're hoping things will be fine.

The thing is, today I was talking to my friend whose DS was also premature last year, and she has been incredibly supportive, except for today when she suggested that maybe Grace and Poppy were so ill because of me. She said that she had done everything 'right' during pregnancy which is why her DS improved really quickly, but my DDs aren't doing so well so it was probably down to how I 'behaved' when I was pregnant with them.

I feel utterly awful. I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was around 5 months gone, so I had been drinking occasionally, hadn't taken folic acid, eaten seafood etc. AIBU to think that maybe it IS my fault? :(

Also forgot to say of course she isn´t right!

I would distance myself from this so called friend immediately!

What an awful thing to say, there is nothing you could have done to change the situation.

Twins are generally in special babycare longer simply because they tend to have lower birth weights etc.

Nothing at all to do with folic acid and so on.

What a bitch! She's not right and she's not a friend.

I hope your twins are home with you soon. xx

She is talking out of her arse.

Hope your girls are home soon

What a horrible thing to say. Some 'friend'.

It isn't your fault- premature babies do go through lots of ups and downs (which she should know).

Good luck to you and your family.x

ares of arseness

oh, and total bollocks.

Well OP, given the strength of feeling and flurry of responses backing you up, hope you realise that she's not right?!

what a charmer, boosting her self-esteem by suggesting you are somehow responsible for your prem twins duration of hospital stay . Keep your distance from someone so spiteful.

Not read the whole thread, but your 'friend' is no friend!

She is also v wrong.

Some 'friend' she is. As long as you weren't injecting drugs or downing a bottle of vodka a day with 20 ciggies, then how exectly is it your fault? What was your response anyway?

What a load of tosh.

I'd be sincerely re-considering my friendship with someone so cruel.

What an awful, rude and stupid thing to say! I honestly can't imagine what she must have been thinking.

I think it's absolute nonsense as well, I can't see how the things mentioned could be affecting your DDs now. Every premature baby is different so there's no point comparing, and apart from anything else twins are in completely different circumstances from a single baby.

If you want to put your mind at ease about it, then maybe ask a nurse or doctor at the hospital, as they are more qualified to say - but I'm confident they'll tell you it's not in any way remotely your fault!

I wouldn't be surprised if she is jealous of all the attention you get with people asking how the twins are. She may be jealous you have twins and/or girls.

I would email/text her about how mortally offended you are by her comment. That may give her a sleepless night or two.

Hmm, well what did she do wrong for her baby to be born premature? By her logic it's not luck of the draw or nature... so she must have done something wrong too!

Bollocks, she's uninformed and a bit cruel IMHO

She has really contradicted herself here. How can what she did/didn't eat or drink affect her baby after he was born? What a silly thing to say. She is trying to big herself up at the expense of your probably quite fragile feelings

Hope your baby girls are home sion

If you'd been smoking or injecting drugs then she might have had a point but she'd still have been a total bitch to let the words out of her mouth. As it is she's a bitch and she's talking bollocks. The things you did wrong (when you had no way to know you were doing anything wrong) would lead to specific problems not a general failure to thrive.

Best of luck for your DDs' continuing improvement.

What a horrible woman. You are very restrained to not smack the nasty bitch.
It is not your fault.

Just to echo what everyone else said. This woman is beyond callous to say that to you. Please take no notice of her and enjoy your babies. I'm for you.

YABU to think that woman is your friend. Because she isnt.

OTOH it is just possible, since this seems wildly out of character for her, that this is a combination of a clumsy/thoughtless but forgivable comment by her and you being understandably paranoid on the subject. People aren't perfect, and they do sometimes speak without thinking. Only you know exactly what was said OP - do you think it's possible that this is the case?

Your friend is no friend. I had twins who were on the cusp of being prem and know that twins have other issues, they have had to share maternal nutrients etc so they are starting from a lower base. Please don't let the cow get you down, find your local twins and multiple births club and meet some sane and understanding mums. xx

What.A.Bitch.

No, it is not your fault! Don't even think so. All I can imagine is she secretly thinks this herself about her own son, and wants to share the guilt. But it is not true at all.

Btw, Grace and Poppy are beautiful names.