to ask DH NOT to have a bath?

[cheekster]

DH comes home from work at roughly 5pm. He has a manual job and comes home fairly dirty. Because of this he wants to get in the bath as soon as he comes home.

The thing is, 5pm - 7pm is a pretty hectic time at our house with tea, bath and bed for our 2 boys (10m and 3). At the moment I find myself doing everything (including making the tea and doing the washing up) and this week I have just gone back to work after mat leave and could really do with a bit of support at this time.

The thing is DH has severe OCD, so a bath isnt a half hour thing. He has to wash himself a certain way for a certain number of times and start from the beginning if he 'does it wrong.' It mostly takes an hour, although it can take more. I have asked him to take a shower instead as he doesnt seem as bad when he has a shower but he says he prefers baths.

So AIBU to ask him to not get in the bath until the children are in bed? I am sympathetic on the whole towards his OCD, he hates that he is this way but Im not sure I can take anymore!

galaxy did you bath everynight as babies? Im thinking crawling and weaning. Mine sometimes needs a "sink" to if a messy meal

Galaxy - my dc prob only have a bath a couple of times a week with washing in between/occasional shower/babywipes for the toilet area
Certainly more than every other day and their hair totally loses it's shine and they get dry skin; I don't think it is good to soak every day.

Backing up Galaxy here.

Depends on circumstances, but pre-teens and post-babies do not need bathing so often, although agree it depends on circumstances.

DS3's hair isn't at the getting greasy stage yet. He doesn't smell of sweat. Main thing is keeping hands clean.

Older 2 DSs have both gone over to daily showers now they have reached teens - they (and I) are well aware of the fact that now their bodies are changing they need it. They didn't before.

Galaxy - I'm over 40. I was bathed every day, it's hardly a modern obsession and as I assume you are around my age or younger, yes, your parents were lazy If your kids are only bathed once a week, then no, they are not clean.

It's the routine Bledkr - it sounds as if he has contamination OCD so will see himself as contaminated from his work so the need to be clean probably arises because he doesn't want to contaminate his home. To force him to wait another hour would increase the anxiety levels to meltdown point. It's hard to explain but so much of OCD centres around your thoughts and percptions - however irrational they may seem to other people.

This has become a thread about how often is it acceptable to bath children? I say every other day is fine, but did do it every day while they were in nappies.
OCD is very complicated and if you are convinced he is not using it as an 'excuse' then you can either make it an issue which you really want him to get help with, or just work around it and hope he makes up for this in some other way.
One of my dh's most annoying habits was to take long baths on weekend mornings instead of at bedtime, while I took care of dc and did loads of laundry, housework, etc, and we all waited to get on with the day's activities. He refused to change and I have got rid of him now! (That was just one symptom of a much bigger problem, I hasten to add, and it wasn't OCD!)

Rachel , I'm guessing he probably is thinking bad things would happen if he contaminates his home or children. . . That's what I'd think.

Totally get op's dh .. I have to shower 3times , brush hair 3times , brush teeth3times with different tooth brushes ...takes ages , and is horrible.... Impending doom will get me if I don't.

Op has your dh tried cbt ? It does help . I know you said he doesn't want meds (fear of poisoning , fear of people knowing ?) , but if he gets cbt first then he might be more open to the possibility of ssri's.

Hope he wanes soon. X

I don't see that children have to always come first.

OP's DH has needs too and if he can't satisfy them, it could be very unsettling for him. I think you need to work round him in this matter.

If the dh's hour long bath session , gets rid of his anxiety and enables him to be a good dad when it's done , then let him have his bath .

OP needs to clarify what her DH is doing after his hour long bath - she says the early evening/bedtime routine for the children takes 5-7 and he gets in at 5. He must seek treatment for his OCD -that is non negotiable - but in the meantime there doesn't seem to be a good reason why he can't have his bath at 5 and then pick up from her at 6 with the second half of sorting the children out.

My DC have been having mostly showers instead of baths since they were about 2, and that's every other night. Your 10m old probably still needs a bath but they don't have to be bathed every single night. But also agree your dH should at least think about therapy if it could help him. He can't possibly enjoy having his life controlled by OCD.

My mum wasn't lazy; far from. She WAS a single parent of 3, living in emergency council accommodation with no inside toilet and NO HOT WATER FOR 8 YEARS. She had to boil kettles up and unsurprisingly did it only once a week. Especially after her benefits got cut off and she had to go out to work.

Sounds Monty Pythonish but it wasn't so unusual back in those days. And certainly, it wasn't unusual enough for there to be social stigma about a weekly bath.

[Bristling slightly at being told my mum is skanky and lazy; any more of that and I'll be 'avin you round the back, you mind my words]