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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take DD to a school friends birthday party today?

28 replies

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 16/10/2011 09:28

DD is 5. She is in yr1. She has a friend, well she has lots of friends, some closer than others. This friend, she is not hugely close to but good enough friends with. That other friend I think does not have lots and lot of friends, but I might be wrong. I just do not know much about her i guess.

Anyway. We had an invite a while ago to a Build a Bear party. I have been working horrendously hard, and her invite is on the fridge to remind us, but has been hidden by lots of other stuff.

So this morning, all that stuff fell off and I have just seen the invite. It is today. lunch time. We have not replied (i feel shit about that already, it is very rude) and either way I have two hours to get DD dressed, get there etc.

DH starts a new job, our vacuum cleaner broke and I need to go get a new one, the house is a mess and we have had a few days of absolute chaos for one reason or another. I really want to just get on with a few things.

Would I be unreasonable to call the mother and say we will not be able to go? Am I being mean to DD and to her friend? should I just go and accept another day of chaos.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 16/10/2011 09:31

Is it a 'dump and run' party or would you be expected to stay?

If it's a 'dump and run' that gives you two hours to do the shopping.

BUT - if you havent replied, you probably aren't catered for (and B-a-B is quite expensive.

HOWEVER - all her friends will be talking about it on Monday.

If it were me, I'd phone, apologise, mention you know the numbers have been paid for and offer to pay for your daughter to go. Then go shopping for a new hoover. Grin

wellwisher · 16/10/2011 09:31

Build a Bear is expensive isn't it? Will the mother have had to pay in advance?

I would call her and see how many others have accepted, honestly, and if it's fewer than 5 I would take your DD. Thinking of the recent awful thread about the little boy who had nobody at his party.

jkklpu · 16/10/2011 09:32

Might it not be quite helpful for your dd to be out of the house for a while so you and dh can get a few things done? And she'd be really happy about it

sparkle12mar08 · 16/10/2011 09:36

Call the mum immediately and apologise profusely for not replying, ask her if the invite still stands - say you totally, absolutely understand if it's not okay especially if numbers were confirmed a while ago. If it's still okay and if it's drop and run, drop your daughter and go do your shopping.

TheyCallMeKipper · 16/10/2011 09:36

Think how your DD would feel if everyone's parents did what you are proposing at her party. It's not important to you I understand, and even inconvenient, but it is important to your DD and her friend.

I would take her.

Hulababy · 16/10/2011 09:39

I think you need to phone the mum and apologise for not replying, and explain why. Then ask if the invitation still stands and that you understand if it can't due to not being confirmed.
But if it does stand I'd take her - she'll miss out and they'll be talking about it tomorrow at school.

Oggy · 16/10/2011 09:40

TBH, given she probably had to confirm numbers already she probably assumed your daughter wasn't coming as she hadn't heard from you (that's what I would have done in your situation) so not sure if there would even be a "place" for her, not sure how the BaB works.

Oggy · 16/10/2011 09:40

*her situation

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 16/10/2011 09:42

Oh I am phoning to apologise anyway, whatever we do. I completely agree it is very rude. It just completely got forgotten with a ton of other stuff and I am mortified to be honest.

OP posts:
NoobyNoob · 16/10/2011 09:45

Agree with Hula, I think you should still take her. I know you have a lot on, but your DD would love it and so would this other girl who seemingly doesn't have many friends.

You don't have to stay for the whole duration, at least you've shown your face and your DD won't be left out of the whole party conversation tomorrow at school.

lljkk · 16/10/2011 09:48

I think just phone & apologise & don't go.
I lost a Dec. party invite once in the pile of Xmas cards; had to phone & apologise for the lack of RSVP in January Blush.
If I were the other mum I'd already assumed that you weren't coming from lack of reply, anyway.

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 16/10/2011 09:49

ok, tried to call but went straight to voicemail. Left a message, simply apologising for my rudeness!, sent her a text saying the same, saying completely understand if DD not able to go.

DH has said if invite still stands, he will take her and stay while I get on with some bits.

Sometimes, I can be so crap a this social part of parenting!

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 16/10/2011 09:50

How would you want someone to behave if it was your child's party?

Do that.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 16/10/2011 09:50

sorry. x post

pigletmania · 16/10/2011 09:54

I would call the mum, if you can't make it tell her and give your apologies, if your dd wants to go, I would apologise, explain how busy you were and offer to pay for your dd.

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 16/10/2011 10:03

ok, I have spoken to the mum, said her DD will be 'ever so pleased' that DD can go. I have some presents in stock already (we bought a bundle of books from book people for birthday presents) and lovely tissue paper so don't need to fly off to the shops. Have time for DD to make a card. DH and I bargained who would go - she has another longer fancy dress party to go to at the end of the month and that type of thing fills DH with dread so I agreed to do that one!

You are right, DD needs to go. She is friends with this girl, and she and her mother have made the effort to invite DD. Chaos will be chaos whether she goes or not, and little children should not have to miss out due to adult incompetence/priorities.

Thanks for the reality check ladies!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 16/10/2011 10:05

Ah, good that you got through and could talk to the mum. Bet your DD will have a lovely time!

PopcornMouse · 16/10/2011 10:30

Yay! Glad it's all sorted, I for one would have been mightily disappointed to miss out on build-a-bear goodness (and I'm 27 [hblush] ), I hope she has a great time :)

Georgimama · 16/10/2011 10:32

You are definitely doing the right thing.

Pagwatch · 16/10/2011 10:37

Oh well done. Good save.

Willabywallaby · 16/10/2011 10:42

I was really pissed off when a close friend did this to me the morning of my DS's party, she'd forgotten and was far to busy to bring them, they had to go shoe shopping.

I think you saved this one well [hsmile]

Georgimama · 16/10/2011 10:44

And you've just prompted me to text a mum to accept an invitation on DS's behalf for next weekend so thank you!

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 16/10/2011 11:00

Glad she's going. Build a bear cost at least £25 per child (dd1 went to one last year).

And do you know what? I used to be very very disorganised about the dds' social lives. My excuse was we were too busy, life was so hectic, blah blah. And all of that is true. But something clucked for me last year and I had a word with myself about what the dds will remember if this period. And I decided I didn't want to give them memories of forgotten parties, crappy last-minute rushes to supermarket for presents, late or no-shows, etc.

I am not a naturally organised person, and I'm certainly not the best at it now, but I am better these days, with a system of invites on the fridge, calendar and pens up on the wall and everything written down, letters to and from school in little folders in the dds' bags now, etc. It's a bit if a PITA but I feel so much better now, and much more on top of things.

Don't mean to sound preachy, btw! Just recognised a lot of myself in your first post. And it also only gets worse busier the older your dcs get. Mine are 10 & 6 now and have far better social lives than us Grin

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 16/10/2011 11:01

Bloody iPhone - "clucked" and if/of Hmm

LoveBeingAWitch · 16/10/2011 11:17

[heads off to look for thread titles ffs last minute acceptance of party and I assumed they weren't coming Grin ]