Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop accepting parcels on a regular basis for next door neighbour?

104 replies

RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 13:58

Moved into new build home at the beginning of July - lovely neighbours both sides, get on really well and very friendly. In the first month or so I accepted 3 parcels on behalf of one neighbour - didn't think too much about it. Now the frequency is increasing and I'm pretty much asked (not by them) at least once a week to take in a delivery for them by a courier knocking on the door.
I have now started to say no sorry I'm not happy to accept them as I have 2 under 4 and end up spending the rest of the day keeping them away from the parcel. Also I'm not happy taking responsibility for items on someone else's behalf in case they get broken or not knowing what they are - neighbour runs a beauty business so could be chemicals etc.
I wouldn't mind the occasional parcel but once week is getting a bit much and I don't think they expect us to take them in and would probably feel a bit awkward about the frequency. I haven't had to take any parcels for the other neighbour nor have I had any taken in for me.
Just feeling a bit narked at the snotty response I got from a Royal Mail delivery woman - who said 'fine so I know now not to ask you again or vice versa' - suggesting that I was being unreasonable and so she wouldn't ask anyone to take parcels on my behalf - cheeky cow! I wouldn't expect anyone to - and she's just trying to cut her workload!!

So AIBU or un-neighbourly?

OP posts:
MadBanners · 14/10/2011 18:29

I stopped accepting parcels for a neighbour when the bugger came and knocked on the door when it was past midnight and we were quite clearly in bed as no lights were on. I was so shocked I just gave it to him without saying anything, instead of slamming the door in his face and telling him to come back at a decent hour!

Before this we had tried taking parcels over a cpl times, but the woman, his mom or something I think, would look out the window at us, and then refuse to come to the door, so we had parcels cluttering the hall way for days and weeks sometimes until they were collected.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2011 18:35

Surely, if the parcel contained dangerous chemicals, it would have to be properly marked so that anyone handling the parcel would know to be extra careful, and so that if the parcel did get dropped and broken, the emergency services would know what noxious substances they were dealing with?

If that is true (and I am pretty sure it is) then does that put a different slant on things for you, RachelHRD?

One more thought - if you want to maintain good relationships with your neighbour, you could suggest she gives you a key to her house so you could let the delivery man/woman put the parcel inside her front door. That way community spirit is maintained, and you don't have any worries about either the children damaging the parcels or getting stuck with a large parcel for days on end.

AKMD · 14/10/2011 18:36

YANBU. My neighbour regularly takes in parcels for me and I find it very embarassing so try to order on a Thursday so it will arive on a Saturday, which doesn't always work. I certainly don't expect her to take them and would much prefer to call in at the sorting office on my way home from work to pick them up but it feels rude asking her not to take them! I of course always take parcels for her if she's out and I'm in.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2011 18:38

MadBanners - I think I would have left the parcels on the doorstep if they were clearly in and just not answering the door. And calling for a parcel at midnight??!![hshock] There's being neighbourly, and there's having the piss taken, and that's definitely the latter!

BTW - belle - I do think it's neighbourly to take in parcels for your neighbours, but then I am at home all day, don't do terribly exciting things with my time, and am happy to do it. I would feel bad, knowing how my neighbours are juggling work, kids, other commitments, if I refused to make their lives a bit easier by taking in a parcel when it wasn't going to be any hassle for me.

halcyondays · 14/10/2011 18:43

Yabu. You must have somewhere you could store a parcel away from children, and presumably they are supervised as they are under 4, so why on earth would you have to spend all day keeping them away from a parcel? Our neighbours have taken parcels from us plenty of times and always been happy to do it, I've taken them from neighbours sometimes, it's really no big deal. Tbh if a neighbour wouldn't take a parcel I'd think they were being pretty miserable and unneighbourly.

belledechocchipcookie · 14/10/2011 18:48

I do take them in for my neighbour if she's out STDG, I have a 12 year old who doesn't want to explore in my house though so it's not a problem. I'd get a tad pissed off if I was woken by the postman to take parcels in for her every week though. I can see where the OP is coming from, she's not a PA for her neighbours just because she's at home. Smile

BrawToken · 14/10/2011 18:49

YABUNATIWIWWON (you are being un-neighbourly and this is what is wrong with our nation).

You are there anyway, can't you stash them in your room or something?

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 18:58

tunatibacks I've never said I don't think IABU - the opposite I find the whole thing rather embarrassing and don't like saying no but have given the reasons why this is. Does this make me horrible, mean, nasty, an awful neighbour - really???

I was out chatting and having a laugh with another neighbour earlier - so clearly I can't be that awful....

I accept that the majority of you think IABU - that's fine your opinion. In my 16 years of home ownership I've not been in a situation like this before - hence I was asking the question. Maybe I am being overly concerned about the possible chemical issue - but I like to know what I am keeping in my house because of my kids - and it's the possibility of a leak that concerns me more than anything - even if it's something like nail varnish etc. It just makes me feel uncomfortable if I don't know what is in the box - and to have that happen weekly or more isn't much fun - and yes for some of those wondering i do have OCD issues which don't help matters and would be somewhat embarrassing to try and explain to a neighbour without seeming like a bit of a loon!!

OP posts:
BuckBuckMcFate · 14/10/2011 18:58

YABU re taking parcels in.

YANBU re RM snottiness.

I regularly take I parcels for the neighbours on each side and I've got more dc top trumps op

When the door goes, look through the window before you answer.

If it's something small that you can keep on a shelf, table etc then do it.

If it's a massive parcel, just say no or don't answer the door.

giyadas · 14/10/2011 19:00
TunaTiebacks · 14/10/2011 19:06

I never said you were being awful or a bad neighbour! I just wonder what answer you want! If people say YABU, you disagree. If people offer you alternatives, you say they're not possible. So it sounds like refusing the parcels is the only solution that will make you happy, so why ask?

FabbyChic · 14/10/2011 19:08

I work full time it doesn't stop me buying stuff, no one takes anything in for me I get a card and collect it on Saturdays.

My postman/parcel man doesn't even knock on neighbours, wish he would.

One parcel a week is nothing.

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 14/10/2011 19:09

yanbu. we refuse to take them in for the people over the road. it was getting to regular, yet no one ever took parcels in for us.
one delivery man was arsy, he has stopped knocking now

HauntForTheBeast · 14/10/2011 20:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

breatheslowly · 14/10/2011 20:30

If they are royal mail deliveries then they have a great redelivery service that your neighbour can access online so there is no need for you to take their parcels. Your neighbour will just get a card and can go online and select a day for redelivery when they expect to be in. Or they can select for it to be redelivered for free to another address in the same post code area. On that basis YANBU.

NoseyNooNoo · 14/10/2011 20:36

I can see both sides. I've been in our new house for about a year and we take parcels in for each other every fortnight or so. We take in as much as they take in for us and it works well. However, in our old house we were taking a huge number of parcels in for one neighbour who never ever came over for them. At one point we could not use our dining room because it was full of parcels. So I started saying no to the parcel delivery people. Your neighbours don't know that you have declined to take it - presumably there are other households who could take them.

FlamingFannyDrawers · 14/10/2011 20:42

Oh fgs, how hard is it keeping a package out of reach of your kids? Are they the worlds tallest kids or something?

Some people let the most ridiculous things get to them. If it bothers you that much just don''t answer the door.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2011 22:34

Rachel - what about my suggestion of getting a key from the neighbour so you can let the delivery person leave the parcel in her house? No breakage/leakage issues for you, and would maintain good neighbourly relations.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 15/10/2011 11:45

Thanks SDTG - We all have bin cupboards which is where parcels are usually left on the rare occasion I'm not in when one is delivered - I always put a note on the order. I might mention is it OK to put a parcel there if I sign for one to keep it away from the kids. TBH I think she'd be embarrassed about the whole thing if I mentioned it. She doesn't come across as someone who would never speak to me again over taking in a parcel thankfully Hmm

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 15/10/2011 11:52

Well you don't want to do it so don't do it.

But it is a little mean-spirited.

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/10/2011 11:53

Oh and if you aren't happy to do it - explain why to the neighbour because you can guarantee the delivery guys will tell her you won't take in her parcels which is going to sound very mean.

Better if you give your explanation re dangerous chemicals and small children being a worrying to you combination.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 15/10/2011 11:58

YANBU, every so often is fine but I'd be pissed off with the postman ringing all the time for someone else. She's using you as an extension of the Royal Mail and that's not fair. If I know I'm not going to be in during the day then I arrange for something to be delivered elsewhere. She knows you'll take it in so she's not fussed.

What happens if you're not in?

working9while5 · 15/10/2011 12:14

YABU and mean. We take parcels for our neighbours all the time, I have no idea what's in them, it could be super poisonous for all I know. We put it on top of a cupboard in the hallway and pop it in.

Schnarkle · 15/10/2011 12:16

YANBU. I used to take packages in here for neighbours until I was left with the last extremely heavy package in my hallway for a week. neighbour knew it was here for him to collect but just wasn't arsed taking it away.

Next time courier knocked I told him and said no more.

Let them get the packages delivered to their work place or where ever, your house isn't a storage locker.

duckdodgers · 15/10/2011 12:23

If I was working then I wouldn't constantly be ordering stuff from the internet and never be around to accept delivery for it

So if you work the you cant order of the internet then? Hmm

Delivery to my work is impossible, my DH is a SAHD but even he is allowed to go out of the house and take the kids to nursery and school, has doctors appointments, needs to do the shopping.....I could go on, the list is endless. I/we dont mind taking in other neighbours parcels because they will always return the favour, and I guess it just depends on the relationship with your neighbours to.

And as to the "dangerous chemicals" ponder..........mm have you actually asked her?