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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop accepting parcels on a regular basis for next door neighbour?

104 replies

RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 13:58

Moved into new build home at the beginning of July - lovely neighbours both sides, get on really well and very friendly. In the first month or so I accepted 3 parcels on behalf of one neighbour - didn't think too much about it. Now the frequency is increasing and I'm pretty much asked (not by them) at least once a week to take in a delivery for them by a courier knocking on the door.
I have now started to say no sorry I'm not happy to accept them as I have 2 under 4 and end up spending the rest of the day keeping them away from the parcel. Also I'm not happy taking responsibility for items on someone else's behalf in case they get broken or not knowing what they are - neighbour runs a beauty business so could be chemicals etc.
I wouldn't mind the occasional parcel but once week is getting a bit much and I don't think they expect us to take them in and would probably feel a bit awkward about the frequency. I haven't had to take any parcels for the other neighbour nor have I had any taken in for me.
Just feeling a bit narked at the snotty response I got from a Royal Mail delivery woman - who said 'fine so I know now not to ask you again or vice versa' - suggesting that I was being unreasonable and so she wouldn't ask anyone to take parcels on my behalf - cheeky cow! I wouldn't expect anyone to - and she's just trying to cut her workload!!

So AIBU or un-neighbourly?

OP posts:
RedRumMum · 14/10/2011 14:36

Maybe you could suggest that she get them delivered to her work place ?

RosieAndGin · 14/10/2011 14:38

I used to take daily parcels in for a neighbour, she never came to get them and I ended up lugging them down the street, one time I thought no, I will wait for her to collect, she didn't so after a week and about 10 parcels I went across and said are you coming to collect them? her answer, oh they are Christmas presents I'm not in any hurry for them, Shock cheeky mare, so I refuse to do it for her anymore.

schroeder · 14/10/2011 14:40

YANBU and yes suggest she has them delivered at work. People do it all the time where I work and at DH's office too.

I would also maybe not even answer the door if you suspect it's the postman.

She will soon make some arrangement if she has to trail to the sorting office all the time.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/10/2011 14:42

I work full time and have to order quite a bit online. Most companies will only deliver to the billing address so I am always incredibly grateful to my neighbour for taking my parcels in as otherwise I'd be totally stuck. He made a point of saying that if he was in he'd happily take my parcels which I thought was lovely and neighbourly.

If this really is such a ballache for you then either refuse the delivery, or don't answer the door if you know it's a courier.
Personally though I don't think that one parcel a week that you can stick on a shelf and forget about is exactly the inconvenience of the century.

belledechocchipcookie · 14/10/2011 14:45

I don't think it's possible to put 'huge boxes' on a shelf myself. Confused Just don't answer the door.

spiderpig8 · 14/10/2011 14:52

YABU.It is always a good idea to put yourself out a bit for your neighbours because
1)You never know when you are going to need their help
2)It is very very unpleasant if you fall out with your neighbours when you're n such close proximity

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 14:57

Thanks for the comments. I think one of the reasons I am a bit reluctant is we once got lumbered when DH accepted a massive mirror for a neighbour and it turned out he was overseas for the next week or so and it was blocking our hallway and we had nowhere else to store it and I was worried about one of the kids breaking it!

To those saying I am mean and a horrible neighbour - do you really judge your neighbours on how many parcels they accept for you? Like I say I would never expect a neighbour to take something in for me - and I don't think anyone has in the last 4 or more years - and it certainly wouldn't sour our relationship if they didn't want to - blimey that's so harsh!!

Thanks belldchocchipcookie for the support :)

OP posts:
AnotherJaffaCake · 14/10/2011 15:00

YABU if your neighbours are nice. YANBU if your neighbours are horrible, or taking advantage of you being at home.

If, as you say, your neighbour runs a beauty business then, yes there could be chemicals in the parcels (I used to run a beauty business a long time ago). Does she run this business from home or from business premises? If she's got business premises, then why aren't the parcels delivered there?

FWIW I don't take parcels in for our neighbour, on one side, because he's a foul-tempered nasty piece of work who's threatened and menaced us to the point that we're wanting to sell up and move house to get away from him. But ordinarily I would take in parcels, and have done so for other neighbours.

MrsMooo · 14/10/2011 15:00

I think YAB a bit U, your neighbours aren't ASKING you to be in, you happen to be in. But it wasn't very nice of the postperson to get snotty with you

the thing is, why did you post in ABIU, if, by the tone of your 2nd post you are so sure that YANBU?

Hullygully · 14/10/2011 15:02

you are a bit horrid

dreamingbohemian · 14/10/2011 15:04

She may not be able to accept deliveries at her work (I haven't worked someplace I could do this in years).

You can't pinpoint when things will be delivered, are people supposed to take 3 days off work just waiting for the package?

If you get on with her, I don't understand why you don't just talk to her about it. Maybe it's a temporary thing and will ease off. Maybe she could give you a spare key to her house or garage so you could put the package in.

Spiderpig has it right, you might need a really big favour from them someday!

Teetik · 14/10/2011 15:04

Honest answer? I think if you can't find a way to keep small children away from a parcel (say by putting it out of their reach) then you might not be parent material. For goodness sake, can you hear yourself saying those words? What a goose.

porcamiseria · 14/10/2011 15:05

can you gently ask them to get them delivered to work adress, as you are scared that they will get damaged at your home address

fedupofnamechanging · 14/10/2011 15:07

YANBU at all. People should organise their lives better, so they can sort out their own deliveries. I get my stuff delivered using collect +, whenever possible, so it goes to the local Spar shop and I pick it up from there when I can. They could get stuff delivered to work or to a friends house. As it is, they don't bother because they think you can do it.

Just because you are home all day, it doesn't mean you are free storage for your neighbours. Sometimes it's a total pita having to answer the door when a baby is asleep or you want to have a quiet bath and just not be disturbed in order to benefit someone else.

Occasionally is fine. Frequently is taking the piss imo.

nickelbabe · 14/10/2011 15:08

I think yanbu.

My postman at work leaves packets next door, but that's because he can just leave them on the counter and they're not in anyone's way.

I would never expect a neighbour at home to take in all my packets if it were this frequent.

every now and then, maybe!
God, I even get personal stuff sent to the shop address just so I don't have to inconvenience anyone.

ScaredBear · 14/10/2011 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:12

MrsMoo I expected people to say IWBU that's fine - not to make me out to be a horrible, nasty, evil unneighbourly grump just because I don't want to store my neighbours parcels containing what could be dangerous chemicals when I have 2 children in the house!!

FWIW I don't think she would mind at all me not accepting them - she has always seemed a bit embarrassed collecting them. I am generally, I hope a nice, helpful neighbourly person so I do actually feel bad saying no - just wanted to see if I was BU in doing so - clearly I am!!

OP posts:
HauntForTheBeast · 14/10/2011 15:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 14/10/2011 15:13

Tbh, if a neighbour refused to take in a parcel for me, I would think them very odd. It's such a little thing.

And yes, it would affect relations with them. I certainly wouldn't be in a hurry to do them any favours.

HauntForTheBeast · 14/10/2011 15:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:16

OMG now I shouldn't be a parent because I don't want to frequently accept parcels for my neighbours!! Shock Teetik as I said some of the boxes are big and heavy - where do you suggest I put them? I don't have a garage....

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 14/10/2011 15:18

I think you think it's NU to say no more parcels and want us all to say the royal mail woman was a misery. FWIW I think yab overly dramatic about the parcels but the royal mail woman was a knobber.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/10/2011 15:18

Would it be possible to get a set of keys for your neighbour's house, so you can open up for the delivery person? No storage problem!

Hullygully · 14/10/2011 15:21

Oh v gd OldLady

But then we'll get an aibu to mind about the inconvenience of....

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:24

No that's a nice idea Oldlady but what am I meant to do with my 20mth old and 3 year old whilst I'm opening up next door and dealing with a delivery and making sure their dog can't get it - leave them home alone playing with the plug sockets?? I'v already been flamed for not being parent material for not being able to keep a box out of their reach!!

OP posts:
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