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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop accepting parcels on a regular basis for next door neighbour?

104 replies

RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 13:58

Moved into new build home at the beginning of July - lovely neighbours both sides, get on really well and very friendly. In the first month or so I accepted 3 parcels on behalf of one neighbour - didn't think too much about it. Now the frequency is increasing and I'm pretty much asked (not by them) at least once a week to take in a delivery for them by a courier knocking on the door.
I have now started to say no sorry I'm not happy to accept them as I have 2 under 4 and end up spending the rest of the day keeping them away from the parcel. Also I'm not happy taking responsibility for items on someone else's behalf in case they get broken or not knowing what they are - neighbour runs a beauty business so could be chemicals etc.
I wouldn't mind the occasional parcel but once week is getting a bit much and I don't think they expect us to take them in and would probably feel a bit awkward about the frequency. I haven't had to take any parcels for the other neighbour nor have I had any taken in for me.
Just feeling a bit narked at the snotty response I got from a Royal Mail delivery woman - who said 'fine so I know now not to ask you again or vice versa' - suggesting that I was being unreasonable and so she wouldn't ask anyone to take parcels on my behalf - cheeky cow! I wouldn't expect anyone to - and she's just trying to cut her workload!!

So AIBU or un-neighbourly?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 14/10/2011 15:25

See?

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:26

Hully feel free to suggest an viable alternative Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:26

a viable...

OP posts:
PartyPooperz · 14/10/2011 15:26

Why don't you go and have a quick word and say you don't want to seem mean but you'll have to turn away any parcels with chemicals in (could be allsorts if she's running a beauty business from home - I'd even make up a story about a delivery person being concerned something was leaking in the back of the van) and roll your eyes about inquisitive toddlers to explain that while you're happy to take in other parcels, she'll have to let you know if its chemicals so you can ask the delivery person to try another neighbour. If someone came and told me that I would (a) be embarrassed I hadn't thanked them properly before (what does she say when she collects?); and (b) reassure them that I did not expect them to take delivery and that if their door was knocked on again to please turn them away and apologise for any inconvenience!

My next door neighbours have taken in parcels for me and I am always very grateful and as quick as possible to pick up. I have never instructed any company (e.g. Amazon) to try and deliver next door but they still do it. Neighbours probably don't order as much as me (!) but I would obviously never turn away anything of theirs and instead pass on baby bits on one side and bottles of wine on the other. Do agree with spiderpig8 that having good neighbourly relations is worth its weight in gold. It's one of the reasons I would be sad to move, know quite a few neighbours in our block and this is inner city central London, ex-council. We tend to collate in corners to bitch about Westminster city council and the general obstructiveness of the estate office.

Hullygully · 14/10/2011 15:28

you don't want to do it

you don't want alternatives

AgentProvocateur · 14/10/2011 15:32

I'm glad you're not my neighbour. I would think you were very odd if I knew you'd refused to accept a parcel for me. But if you're absolutely sure you'll never need any help from any of your neighbours (and you don't mind them talking about you) then go ahead and refuse.

Bucharest · 14/10/2011 15:33

You sound a liddle bit paranoid to me, what with plug sockets and chemicals and all.

I'm glad you're not my neighbour.

Calabria · 14/10/2011 15:37

I had my next door neighbour's new toilet in my shed for a week. The delivery driver misread the date and came on the wrong day. Knowing how much of a pain it is to have stuff redelivered I was happy to do it. And my neighbour is lovely.

Don't quite know what I'd have done if I hadn't had a shed to put it in though...

I think you would be unreasonable not to take them, but that you have every right to be irritated by it. Speak to her about it.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 15:42

I'm glad I don't live next to such judgemental people Shock I will reiterate I was happily taking in packages for said neighbour and would for any other neighbour - but the frequency was getting too much and I was concerned about their contents as said neighbour runs a beauty business and several of the boxes were addressed to that.

If IABU then OK- maybe I am but to call me horrible and be glad that I'm not your neighbour is perhaps a little harsh. FWIW I have always had great relationships with my neighbours to the point that from my last house one neighbour is now like an adopted grandma to my 2 DC's. I would never judge them on something like this - I'd be horrified I might be inconveniencing someone dealing with my post! Maybe that's just me though - I hate asking anyone for help....

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 14/10/2011 15:52

YABU I think it's a neighbourly thing to do, taking in a parcel for a neighbour.

However if you don't want to do it just refuse delivery. Complain to the Royal Mail about postwoman's attitude if you don't like it - that's not your neighbour's fault!

And as for the idea that if I'm working outside the house I shouldn't order online, well that seems a bit extreme. I order stuff online and expect to trot up to the PO on a Saturday or very early in the morning to collect my parcels if they can't be delivered. However my very kind and neighbourly neighbour downstairs from me has taken in many a parcel for me if he happens to be in. He is a lovely neighbour and I water his garden when he's away and take in parcels for him if I happen to be home when he isn't.

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/10/2011 15:57

Another YABU. Its a nice thing to do and its not that hard to keep children away from a parcel. You may need a favour one day and I hope you dont ask the neighbours given your attitude.

I'm not around for part of the week but neighbours have taken parcels for me just as I have for them. Its not a hardship and a little kindness makes the world go round.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/10/2011 16:09

Admit it, you came on here in the hope you'd get umpteen posters replying "God yeah it's such a pain isn't it, I think you should leave the packages on her doorstep for her to fall over/the foxes to eat/someone to nick because she is WELL taking the piss, you are so tolerant I wish I lived next door to you etc etc"

Countdown to inevitable flounce...

Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 16:14

Uh Dickie - no I didn't. If you read carefully I have said several times that I don't think the neighbour expects me to take the parcels, or realises the frequency and I was more than happy to take them on the odd occasion. I certainly wouldn't leave her parcels outside - part of my concern is that things could get damaged in my care with 2 LO's and to that point that as some of the packages could contain chemicals I was concerned about having them around.

No flounce potential here.....just read more carefully before you judge :)

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelHRD · 14/10/2011 16:17

Oh and YABU if you think I came here expecting to get a pat on the back and 'there, there dear'. If I wanted that I'd be over on NetMums ;)

OP posts:
AndTheWinnerIs · 14/10/2011 16:22

I don't think yabu op.
I get irritated by our neighbours who constantly have deliveries which I except.
It is irritating and has become accepted by them ,that andthewinneris will take delivery.
I don't mind so much if it is occassional and I am thanked by them.
Fgs even the delivery guys comment on how much stuff I take for them!
I won't do it differently though even thought it is a pain because I am at home and my children are at school but I do understand your concerns especially if there are dangerous chemicals involved.
Think you've had it a bit harsh on here op.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/10/2011 16:34

I get all mine delivered to DH at his workplace, I order from all sorts of companies and have never had a problem with separate billing and delivery addresses. If this isn't a possibility for your neighbour, TBH, once a week and if they collect promptly I would go just go with it for the sake of neighbourhood relations. I quite often find parcels hard to open so I think toddlers would find it took a long time too. Have you got a car? You could always sling them in the boot till your neighbour gets home.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/10/2011 16:34

The parcels that is, not the toddlers.

naturalbaby · 14/10/2011 16:43

i still don't get it. have you spoken to your neighbour?

how easily could your small children break into the parcels and get into containers inside if they are chemicals? i have more than one child and don't have eyes in the back of my head but it's a bit beyond even my v.bright toddler to do all that before i notice the silence/giggling/sounds of ripping plastic.

giyadas · 14/10/2011 16:46

Not parent material? really? What a ridiculous thing to say.
It would irritate me to constantly be taking in packages but I would do it to preserve neighbour relations. OTOH if I was the neighbour doing the ordering I would try and be a bit more considerate and at least check which neighbours wouldn't mind taking in parcels, as being neighbourly works both ways.
YANBU to be irritated, but YWBU to refuse

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 14/10/2011 16:52

I wouldn't like it. Simply because I wouldn't like the assumption growing that I was a personal collection and storage facility! If someone is constantly having parcels delivered, when they know they are not around to take them in, then they are either doing it knowing they have to go and collect them - or knowing that the neighbours will take care of it.

If it is such a regular thing, the neighbourly thing to do is to go to the neighbour, explain and ask. Not just keep ordering.

If someone asked me would I mind taking in parcels - my answer would be no, of course not, if I am in I am happy to help.

If, otoh, someone just kept ordering stuff and it ended up at my house - either because the postie was knocking on doors or - worse - because they'd written "deliver to X", I'd be pissed off.

So I don't think YABU. I think that it isn't about taking delivery, it's about assumptions.

TunaTiebacks · 14/10/2011 17:40

I wonder why you asked when you are obviously so certain that YANBU!

In my opinion, YABU and making a mountain out of a molehill. A parcel or two, even every week, really is not that difficult to deal with. But as I say, you seem to have already decided, so...!

AnnoyingOrange · 14/10/2011 17:58

YABU

When I was a sahm I used to take in loads of huge boxes for my neighbour, who also ran a business from home. Somtimes she took in parcels for me as I was out and about quite a lot too.

catsrus · 14/10/2011 18:11

If the neighbour is using Royal mail she will probably expect that if no-one is in it will go to the local PO and she can collect it at her convenience.

I fell out with Amazon when they stopped their RM exclusive contract and started using couriers that required signatures.

With the RM it was a 15 min trip into town to collect a parcel, when the courier couldn't deliver it was a 2 hr round trip to the depot!

If she uses RM she can also (I assume) opt for Sat morning delivery - so you could suggest that. TBH I think for the sake of good relations you should grin and bear it.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/10/2011 18:14

That is a good point, for Home Delivery network I have best part of two hours round trip to the depot, as opposed to 10 mins walk for Royal Mail.

belledechocchipcookie · 14/10/2011 18:20

God, I'd hate to live next door to some of you lot. The OP isn't obliged to spend her time sorting out her neighbours deliveries, she shouldn't have to do this. It doesn't make her a bad neighbour. I think some of you should be ashamed of some of your posts.

Rachel, just tell her that it causes you problems and is it possible for her to get the parcels delivered to her work address. There's being neighbourly and accepting a few parcels here and there but this isn't a few parcels.

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