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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask 'How do I get the CSA to stop asking Ex for money?'

12 replies

OhTheConfusion · 13/10/2011 23:20

I have called, written and called again but still I recieve regular letters informing me that my Ex will be paying me 'this amount', 'that amount' and 'yet another amount'.

I have never recieved a penny of this money. I did not ask them to chase this money for me. I do not want his money!

Back story: Ex and I split when DC2 was 9mths old. I suddenly realised I was stronger than I thought and told him to take his cheating, lying, prostitute paying, cocaine snorting (the latter two were things I found out years later) self out of my home. When he left he continued to pocket the tax credits for 1mth as thats how long it took them to change it to my account

He choose to have no contact with the kids, then 2yrs later (when I had found a nice man) he decided to apply to the court for access. He was granted 2hrs a week (supervised by me), he showed up once and stayed for 36min! He applied for access again after another 2yrs and didn't show up to court.

He has never sent DC1&2 anything, not so much as a birthday card but yet I still recieve these letters.

DC1 is now 9 and DC2 is 7. I am married to a lovely man they call dad and have another DC. I hate recieving these letters and do not want a penny from this man (not that he appears to send any). AIBU to ask them to stop?

OP posts:

Angel786 · 13/10/2011 23:26

Could you just address the letters to a parent / friend so you don't have to see them all the time?

Sounds like you have done very well to be rid of your ex and are much happier now. But if / when any money does come in just keep it aside for your children's future.

TotallyKerplunked · 14/10/2011 02:47

Just ignore them?

Seriously the CSA (and it predecessor) nearly sent my mom mental, 14yrs of phone calls/letters, they are less than useless.

I suspect whenever you ring there is nothing mentioned on your file about you not wanting them to chase him, you have to explain everything again because you never speak to the same person twice and nobody has any idea about your case.

You are not alone, I feel for you but whenever a letter comes dont open it just bin it and get on with your day, its not the end of the world to recieve a letter.

2rebecca · 14/10/2011 08:13

I thought the CSA only chased people if the woman got benefits and they thought the father paying for his child would reduce the amount that unrelated tax payers had to pay for the child. If no benefits involved then they are wasting tax payers money with these letters.
I agree with Angel that the money isn't supposed to be for you it's for your children so even if you don't need it or want it you should put it in an account for them when older. You had 2 kids by this bloke so he wasn't just a casual fling.

Original poster

OhTheConfusion · 14/10/2011 18:37

I have never claimed benefits or asked them to chase him so I have no idea why they are wasting their time or our taxes chasing a man who will never pay for a woman who dosn't want it!

Yes he was not just a casual fling but I was in an abusive relationship and very hard to leave. Forced intercourse was not unusual.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 15/10/2011 08:31

If you didn't write to the CSA asking them to chase him for money then how did they get hold of his details and know that he had had a child and you were the mother?

Moominsarescary · 15/10/2011 08:39

I phoned and told them we had made an agreement between ourselves, haven't heard from them since

Rikalaily · 15/10/2011 08:40

If he is on benefits they would be taking money out of that and would have asked him if he has kids and where they kive when he claimed.

Rikalaily · 15/10/2011 08:40

live

Original poster

OhTheConfusion · 15/10/2011 17:48

Thanks rikalaily that makes a bit more sense. The greedy so and so probably thought he would be entitled to more by declaring them! He has been on benefits for some years, or atleast he was after we split up. That said I have moved a good distance since then, but the letters have came to our new home. He has no idea where we live (he has lawyers details should he wish to get in contact). Could they have my details from my tax returns (national insurance number)?

Will try calling to say we have an agreement. they dont have to know we don't.

OP posts:

AGlassHalfEmptyNoLonger · 15/10/2011 18:05

OhTheConfusion (tongue firmly in cheek) You arent lying about the agreement, he doesnt want to pay, you dont want him to pay - that sounds like an agreement to me [hwink]

Original poster

OhTheConfusion · 15/10/2011 23:51

I like your thinking :)

OP posts:

Rikalaily · 16/10/2011 15:16

You can inform them that you have a private arrangment set up, I just told them that my ex bought all thier clothes and uniforms, they were happy with that and I got no more letters... until I applied to the CSA for maintainance myself, lol.

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