to not want to go out for christmas dinner in a pub with the family, but DP has already said yes

[GetOrfMo1Land]

Someone in the family has decided it would be a good idea for us all (20 odd people) to go out for Christmas lunch in a pub. They asked DP who provisionally said yes, but I really really do not want to go for so many reasons.

• I want to cook my own christmas dinner

-I don't want to eat lunch in a nondescript pub which describes it as Christmas lunch with 'all the trimmings' -It costs £60 a head (for 4 of us) without alcohol -it is 20 miles drive away, not far at all I agree but who wants to drive on Christmas day? -I don't want to go

• I don't want to go

Why can't we do what we normally do at Christmas - the whole family goes round PILs in the morning to swap gifts and bucks fizz for an hour or two, and everyone buggers off by lunchtime. So I can go home to merrily potter round the kitchen cooking and pissing about, and it is all relaxed.

I HATE the idea of a crappy lunch in a pub. How can I say no without coming across as a petulant twat?

And there's enough left overs for 4 days.

Moondog has been to the pub in question evidently. That is exactly what it will be like.

I would gladly invite the whole lot over for drinks, but they all live in Cheltenham where we live in Gloucester, so would be a faff for them all to drive over (plus, if you have ever met anyone from Cheltenham, they consider it infra dig to set foot in Gloucester, local parochialism )

I'm like you GetOrf'
I'm quite far away from family, and in the past I've spent Christmases with them.
I love them to bits, but I like making Christmas dinner and just being at home and getting drunk.
Just tell them, but don't leave it too long.

Well the huffy puffy SIL is reason enough to say no then. Just to piss her off.

For me, I can't imagine being at home in the morning glugging champagne unwrapping presents without the smell of lunch cooking. All part of the day. And if you eat out, how will you pick at the turkey carcass later on?

Totally agree Laurie.

I may as well go to a Toby carvery.

Oh but I don't want to upset/piss people off. Bleeding DP.

Thanks everyone, this is sucj a 'oh my diamond shoes are too tight' type of whinge, so thanks for indulging me.

This plan is so wrong. YANBU.

well I think the menu looks delicious.

And it will be nice and relaxing. I think YABU and a bit of a snobby cow

If you do not want to go do not go, just send a text or email saying you will not be going, but maybe you could do something on boxing day. If people pester you about it, just stick to you guns and say you really would rather stay at home. There is no point going you will have a miserable time, and end up resentful. Plus group dinners with obnoxious people always end up costing a lot more than you expected as they end up ordering heaps of wine etc drink it all and then expect everyone to pay for it.

£1200, for 20 people, bet you could hire a chef tp come to your house for that!

at snobby cow.

Yes. What's your point?

Ooh no I couldn't TEXT the refusal, that really would start a turf war. I will just speak to whoever has organised this tomorrow and say I have to keep it open for my brother.

As long as they don't book a place for my brpther I will be ok

Oh no it was when you said NO LEFTOVERS on Boxing Day that I felt compelled to post

Best part of Christmas food is the leftovers

I know, you can't beat sauntering past the fridge on Christmas day night, and nicking a cold roast potato as you go.

No wonder I am always on a frantic diet come January.

Toby carvery. You have summed it up.

Yep, Sunday roast fine - Christmas Day, No.

We don't get much 'diamond shoes are too tight' whinges on Mumsnet - probably cos there's a wee bit too much flaming but I think we should have more.

I only ever moan privately when things aren't quite 'right' but it actually really bugs me when I get presents and I have to put up with the wrong colour or a massive box of nasty cheapy chocs which probably cost a tenner when I'd rather have had a £4 bag of hotel chocolat 'praline puddles'. And then I have to put up with 'not quite right' ornaments until I manage to get rid of them.

I'm fussy me.

I've only read as far as the menu but WTF?!? No mashed spuds?!? V

I don't do mash on christmas day, mind you it is already a carb overload with the roast potatoes, mashed swede, carrots and parsnips, I think mash would kill us off

No red cabbage though. I bloody love red cabbage. And I bet there won't be 8000 pigs in blankets like at my house

Well then I take it back GetOrf if you know the place and it's little more than a Harvester then £60 is takin' the proverbial. Our's was £65 pp but the food was great, far better than anything we could do at home.

I think you just need to be honest with them - say eating out on Christmas Day isn't your thing but you will meet them in the morning. As I say, it's really not worth ruining your Christmas over this.

I wouldn't use your brother as an excuse. I'd just tell them you don't want to go. Much clearer for all concerned.

Compulsory Christmas veg at ours: mashed spuds, roast spuds, roast sweet spuds, roast parsnips, carrots, peas - frozen AND mushy - cabbage, sprouts with chestnuts and pancetta. I've ruled out swede and brocolli in recent years and only do cauli cheese if there's one ready frozen.

That's the whole point innit. It has to be traditional for your family of it's not quite right.

Ps. I suspect the mash does kill us off. :):)

Having cooked Christmas lunch for 18 years, (for at least 15 people a year)
Having paid for it all myself on a pretty low wage.
Having done the shopping
All the preparations
All the cooking
All the serving up (while everyone else is pissed on my booze)
All the clearing up. Bah Humbug!!!
I think Christmas lunch in a pub sounds Fantastic, any pub, anywhere, any food Just as long as some other poor sod cooks it, quite frankly £60 a head sounds cheap compared to how much I fork out a year.
I want to go to your pub Christmas, you can come here and cook for my lazy lot!!!

Getorfmo1land : sorry i can come my brother might be coming for christmas ill have to leave the day open for him
SIL : oh dont worry the more the merrier ill just add him to my list so thats 300 for all of you , you can pay me anytime :-)

Honesty is the best policy

I agree with chickydo I would absolutely love to go out for Christmas dinner.
Still if you don't want to just say no. I agree it is very expensive [though understandably so].

Sounds like hell GetOrf. Don't use your brother as an excuse (you may need to next year) just say that you'd love to pop over to see them in the morning, as per usual, but you really do love cooking Christmas lunch at home.

If they use your illness as a reason you should go out, point out that you'd hate to be ill on the day and waste all that money if you can't go.

It's all about the spin dahling!