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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go out for christmas dinner in a pub with the family, but DP has already said yes

80 replies

GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:18

Someone in the family has decided it would be a good idea for us all (20 odd people) to go out for Christmas lunch in a pub. They asked DP who provisionally said yes, but I really really do not want to go for so many reasons.

  • I want to cook my own christmas dinner
-I don't want to eat lunch in a nondescript pub which describes it as Christmas lunch with 'all the trimmings' -It costs £60 a head (for 4 of us) without alcohol -it is 20 miles drive away, not far at all I agree but who wants to drive on Christmas day? -I don't want to go
  • I don't want to go

Why can't we do what we normally do at Christmas - the whole family goes round PILs in the morning to swap gifts and bucks fizz for an hour or two, and everyone buggers off by lunchtime. So I can go home to merrily potter round the kitchen cooking and pissing about, and it is all relaxed.

I HATE the idea of a crappy lunch in a pub. How can I say no without coming across as a petulant twat?

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 13/10/2011 21:38

i don't care what home i spend christmas, as long as i can help with the cooking while having a few glasses of wine.

op that sound my idea of hell

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:39

Not all the family is going - one of DP's brothers isn't going, but they never go anywhere (they won't leave the dogs) so I don't actually think they were asked.

Most of the others are.

I will say no, but I can see it will be one of those things which will cause hassle and upset, which I just can't be arsed with, I wish DP had just said no in the first place.

OP posts:
Rollergirl1 · 13/10/2011 21:40

Maybe the suggestion has been made cos others don't enjoy doing the whole cooking thing. I think if you still get a chance to see the PIL's as usual in the morning for the usual ritual then there is no offence in bowing out and saying that you enjoy cooking christmas lunch and will do as usual.

I guess the other alternative is having everyone to yours....

EricNorthmansMistress · 13/10/2011 21:41

Do you normally eat dinner as a big group? If not, just say you'd love to do the usual morning family part but won't be joining them for lunch, thanks so much for the offer. If they ask why, just say you prefer to cook and eat at home at christmas, and don't go into it any further. That is a really crap way to spend christmas dinner, and I'm still flabberghasted at the price.

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:42

That's it, my idea of chirtsmas is just pottering about, drinking mulled wine, cooking with the sound of Muppet Christmas Carol on a TV somehwre.

Not sitting in a pub, I can do that any weekend, Christmas (to be at any rate) is somehwre to spend at home.

Good point Lydia re not scuppering other people's plans - I will just bow out for us.

But because bleeding DP has already agreed, I am going to look like the bad guy who doesn't want to spend the day with his family, which is not the case really.

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 13/10/2011 21:43

Say no tomorrow - any longer and the place might be booked and you'll be causing hassle to change it...

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:43

Thanks everyone for listening to my whingering on Grin

Yes it is a lot of money- pretty cheap for christmas day out my all accounts. That is a lot of money in my opinion for what will probably be a mediocre dinner.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 13/10/2011 21:45

I can't imagine spending that much on a meal, like ever. I don't know about turkeys and whatnot but surely you can cater a fantastic christmas dinner with shitloads of nice booze at home for much less than that???

said · 13/10/2011 21:46

You're paying for the staff wages though aren't you?

Vicky2011 · 13/10/2011 21:46

I think it sounds lovely.

Your prerogative of course to not like the idea and there's no point in spoiling your own Christmas but I'm surprised you think it sounds vile.

We had Christmas dinner at our local gastro pub last year and it was fab. We're discussing now whether to go again this year or to just make it a treat once every few years. Christmas Day was WAAAAAAY less stressful than normal!

Rollergirl1 · 13/10/2011 21:47

Do you really think they will be upset if you don't go? Everyone has their own little xmas traditions and wants to do their own thing. And you do spend part of the day with his family anyway. Blame it on the kids if need be. Say DD always has a visit from her best friend in the afternoon. Or the neighbours ritually get together for a drink around 4pm. If this is a new thing that has not been done before then it's not like you're breaking with tradition. Although you are breaking with tradition within your household.

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:48

Yes, that's what I think - I usually throw money at Christmas but it doesn't cost three hundred bloody quid for the christmas dinner. What I cook is so much nicer than a pub lunch anyway (and I am not being bigheaded saying that, just that I think any home cooked roast dinner is going to be better than a mass produced bog standard pub one).

PLUS - what the bloody hell would I eat on boxing day without thge leftovers, cold turkey and bubble and squeak Grin

OP posts:
said · 13/10/2011 21:48

Could you get a dog just so you can have one as well that you can't leave? Get rid of it after xmas, obviously

LydiaWickham · 13/10/2011 21:51

If your DP thought you might not be up to doing Christmas dinner, can I take it you might still be ill at Christmas? Well there's your DP's excuse - "Getof might not be well enough to go out at Christmas, we hope she'll be fine, but it's best for us not to sign up to this and play it by ear this year."

skybluepearl · 13/10/2011 21:51

very expensive!

BillComptonstrousers · 13/10/2011 21:51

That sounds like my idea of hell!

You are going to have to fanny about getting ready and I assume, all the family to turn up in 'nice outfits'

Drive home after massive meal instead of just slumping on the couch in front of the tv

I bet they have rubbish crackers on the table

And, the worst crime in my book, there will be no fucking leftovers to have for supper! You will have to cook some meat especially just to get left overs! And no crispy burnt bits on the pans!

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:51

it's not a gastropub Vicky - just a normal big standard brewery chain pub.

The menu looks all right but I have eaten there before (a 2 meals for £9 thing) and I know that the food will be vaguely crap. Which is OK for a Tuesday night in October when you can't be arsed to cook, but disappointing for christmas day.

I don't think the PILs will be upset, but I think DP's sister (if she did plan this) will be all huffy puffy as she likes everyone to dance to her tune.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 13/10/2011 21:53

Yes to Worra about gravy! I practically need my own boat, and it has to be real gravy. And LOTS of roast potatoes. Teeny portions with no seconds would do my head in.

moondog · 13/10/2011 21:54

God no.
To be served warm wine and microwaved potatoes by a miserable Eastern European and gurn at ech other over laminated menus.

Hell
On
Earth

BillComptonstrousers · 13/10/2011 21:54

And I bet the food will be shit.

I worked in a fancy hotel in bucks for xmas eve/day/boxing day and even though it was it was lovely the rest of the year, the food at christmas was awful for some reason, mass produced rubbish!

notlettingthefearshow · 13/10/2011 21:55

I guess your PIL don't want the hassle of people coming round to theirs for drinks, and no one else is offering? Would/could you offer instead?

TBH, it wouldn't be my cup of tea either but my parents would love to go out for Xmas dinner if they could afford it! Maybe because they've been hosting it for years and would just like a year off! I can't see a problem with the menu, and 60 quid doesn't sound that much for Xmas Day, because I guess what you're paying for is dinner together without a burden on anyone. I can see why other family members are keen - 20 people would be a lot for one family to cater to.

Don't go if you don't want to. But in the interest of family harmony, do suggest something else you can all do together instead, or at least invite close family over.

gordyslovesheep · 13/10/2011 21:55

where is the bread sauce - no YANBU - I love making Christmas dinner

Original poster
GetOrfMo1Land · 13/10/2011 21:55

lol at get a dog. Drastic - but effective.

I really hope that I will be better then - don't want to tempt fate!

I will speak to them tomorrow and bow out. I will make something up - actually my brother lives in the states, he is not planning to come back for christmas but I can (white lie) say he is thinking about it, so have to plan to be at home in case. I will go to hell (but at least I wil be able to roast my own turkey in the hellfires Grin)

OP posts:
willowstar · 13/10/2011 21:55

I am vegetarian and there is no way on earth I would pay £60 for what they are offering! I totally get it about wanting Christmas your way and would do as you say and bow out. its horrible when Christmas becomes an issue though isn't it? hope it all goes well when you tell them no.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/10/2011 21:56

I spend 200 quid on Christmas dinner at home and for that we get the best organic turkey, the best cheese board, the best smoked salmon.

I couldn't actually buy higher quality food, it's the fucking dogs bollocks.

For 6 people.

I couldn't spend 300 for 4 people and NOT have the BEST. And there's no way that's some happy turkey and sustainable prawn.