help! I married (well, I haven't yet. I'm sposed to be. But I may tell him to poke it) a REPTILE

[SpringHeeledJack]

My partner is a quite nice lad as a rule, but he is a reptile. He does not feel what I consider to be normal human emotions eg love, guilt, empathy etc- just a general sort of crossness (no frozen mice in fridge) happiness (fridge full of frozen mice) and so on

As a result, I have to cover for his reptileness for his family. This includes- gently prodding him to visit, phone, buying lavish gorgeous well chosen socks presents for them for which he takes full credit, etc etc

bear with me, please...

this week, more than usually, have been prodding him a bit frequently. His elderly mum is ill, his niece has had a baby (awwww, , it's a cute baby, too. Much cuter than normal babies), his sister (dn's mum) is feeling it a bit, iykwim

as a result have spent all week wondering when I can schedule baby present buying, where to go, what to get, when to visit. Honestly. I have put things out on Twitter and everyfing. I've asked him how much cash we can spare, nudged card buying. And looked at lots of websites. No, really, it's been vair, vair hard.

Yesterday d(reptile)p texts me to suggest we send dn some flowers instead. I have texted back to say no, no, not flowers, she's only young and in a little flat, won't have vases and stuff- let's send her some money for now and she can get a chinese and fizzy booze, then we can get her a Proper Present.

Last night he's on the phone to SIL (as a result of me poking, again) and I overhear him say "I wanted to get dn some flowers, but Jack says don't bother because she's only 22 and they're too expensive"

Thank you to anyone who's read this far

Now. AIBU to turn his fucking heat lamp off and kick him in the scaly face???

AM I???

I'm sorry, but YABU.

He may be a reptile, but he's a reptile who offered to buy flowers. You should have let him.

Seriously, this level of micro-management of him will be extremely tiresome to keep up. I don't buy my husband's family presents, I don't prompt him to call, I just don't do any of that. His relationship with them is no worse than it was when we met (fine). I do send photos of the children on occasion and get them to make a card, but he's an adult. Leave him to it.

No. You are not.

Tell him exactly what you've said her. Then make him phone up SIL, and tell her it was him who wanted to get his niece a thoughtless bunch of flowers, instead of something she could actually use, or appreciate.

Yes - leave him to it.
And he was half-rightish, you did say she was only young!
As someone who has done all the cards/presents etc. for nearly 30 years I really wish I had made DH take some responsibility from the beginning.
I doubt if he even knows his nieces and nephews birthdays

And yes, I have a thing about flowers, due to a couple of people. This maybe unduly influencing my posts.

Hardgoing I would leave him to it, if I could. I have left (non-reptilian) men to it in the past.

But if I did, he wouldn't do anything. And I mean anything. He'd just sit in the vivarium, waiting for his annual cheque from his mum. SIL lives near MIL and she has to do everything, so intervention is necessary

I'm with you on this SpringHeeledJack - and cleverly typed aswell if you don't mind me saying - I enjoyed reading it :)

It's not about the flowers it's about the fact that he seems to have advertised to his family that you don't care and are rather stingy regardless of all the poking and prodding and his general not bothered-ness.

I'd kick him in the scaly face for you

chop his tail off

I've heard they grow back

ahem

Would he make a good handbag?

I am glad my domestic torment has amused you, Bangers

He seems rather childish, tbh, blaming you for not getting the flowers which is not ok. But then, you are mothering him, it's a dynamic.

Hardgoing- SOMEBODY HAS TO

ha ha it's all your fault for being nice Jack

hahaha

you are trying to manage him WAY! too much babe

Enlist the help of a snake charmer to teach him how to dance remember family occasions

I'm not trying to manage him, Chandon

just not to rampage around eating babies and trampling on buildings (that would be him Following His Instincts)

As the proud owner of a dh with definite reptile-ish qualities you have my full and sincere sympathy. Unfortunately, years of experience of owning the lizardlike creatures tells me that hardgoing is right - interference only comes back to bite you on the bum.

If my reptile offered to send his sister flowers I would be so over the moon, I wouldn't even question whether it was the right present or not [hwink]

Perhaps we should start a handbook 'Tips For a Successful Marriage to a Reptile' or something?

No one has to mother him, he's a grown up reptile isn't he?

Mind you, he deserves terrible punishment for what he said to his sister! I would have made him call her back and explain. Bad reptile.

ohhh, I would not be happy about the 'too expensive' remark! the bloody scaly cheek of him! I'd make him put SIL right on that one for a start, then I'd make him get the card and money sorted, and then suggest he treat you to a present too by way of apology - how about a lizard skin handbag?

Sort out a present for niece. Pointedly sign it.

Then send (petrol station) flowers, signed from him.

Then leave the bastard.

Absolutely [hgrin] [hgrin] [hgrin] at "turn his fucking heat lamp off and kick him in the scaly face"

yeah, but, Koula

if one suddenly stops curbing natural lizard behaviour, what happens?

the consequences may be dreadful

haaaaaaaaaaaaa! Woodlouse