help! I married (well, I haven't yet. I'm sposed to be. But I may tell him to poke it) a REPTILE

[SpringHeeledJack]

My partner is a quite nice lad as a rule, but he is a reptile. He does not feel what I consider to be normal human emotions eg love, guilt, empathy etc- just a general sort of crossness (no frozen mice in fridge) happiness (fridge full of frozen mice) and so on

As a result, I have to cover for his reptileness for his family. This includes- gently prodding him to visit, phone, buying lavish gorgeous well chosen socks presents for them for which he takes full credit, etc etc

bear with me, please...

this week, more than usually, have been prodding him a bit frequently. His elderly mum is ill, his niece has had a baby (awwww, , it's a cute baby, too. Much cuter than normal babies), his sister (dn's mum) is feeling it a bit, iykwim

as a result have spent all week wondering when I can schedule baby present buying, where to go, what to get, when to visit. Honestly. I have put things out on Twitter and everyfing. I've asked him how much cash we can spare, nudged card buying. And looked at lots of websites. No, really, it's been vair, vair hard.

Yesterday d(reptile)p texts me to suggest we send dn some flowers instead. I have texted back to say no, no, not flowers, she's only young and in a little flat, won't have vases and stuff- let's send her some money for now and she can get a chinese and fizzy booze, then we can get her a Proper Present.

Last night he's on the phone to SIL (as a result of me poking, again) and I overhear him say "I wanted to get dn some flowers, but Jack says don't bother because she's only 22 and they're too expensive"

Thank you to anyone who's read this far

Now. AIBU to turn his fucking heat lamp off and kick him in the scaly face???

AM I???

I can't get a new one, Broad

the kids like him

Jack

You clearly like buying presents

He clearly likes lying under his heat lamp.

Go out buy the presents, occasionally take any reptile cash that's lying around or tell him what he owes you.

He will be happy
His family will be happy (they get nice presents)
You will be happy (as left over cash will be spent on presents for you)

but most of all I will be happy because I cannot believe I've just read all your op and the thread and nearly on several occasions lost to will to live

Then tell him you're replacing him with a pet horse, because they can take you to the shops, without having to buy petrol?

If he seems upset, tell him that you meant you were going to get a new vivarium.

must go and defrost some raw chicken liver and locusts for the hungry reptibabies

thank you, ladies, for making me laugh

my rhino fuuuuuuuume levels have now gone back to normal. Nearly.

Then he must be lovely really!!!! Kids are very intuitive! You should do a blog to keep us updated!

they are reptile kids, though, Broads

this is reminding me of a Gumtree ad I saw recently

it was for a python and a load of snake paraphenalia- tank, lamp, all the shit. The seller had bought the snake last March

under "reason for sale" they'd put "have found am not really a snake person". Which made me wonder- at what stage of snake ownership do you find you're not really a snake person??

I want reptibabies. They sound so cute.

If you like doing that stuff for him, carry on, no issue where one party covers up the reptilian nature of the other (in exchange for other domestic stuff). However, if you are very busy and tired from running round covering for him, you might want to rethink. And, given they gave birth to him, they have probably noticed he's a reptile anyway.

Have you decided whether to take him back to the petshop/put him on gumtree yet?

Be aware you may find yourself yearning for a replacement pet and could end up taking home a (male chauvanist) pig instead...

wish I could think of more animaly examples, there must be loads

Nothing to add but have to say this is the best(est like EVER) thread I've read in my short time on MN. Thank you thank you thank you OP.

Ring your SIL and drop reptile in it.

Would he make a nice handbag? Then he could always be with you and not annoy you so much. Matching shoes perhaps too...

Are you saying he is a psychopath? or are you just saying he doesn't do what you call acceptable behaviour when it comes to how him and his family operates.

either way yabu because you knew he was like this and you chose to sort it out yourself instead of letting him deal with it.

[cold shoulder] to the YABUs

Hardgoing I hate doing his shit. Maan, I hate doing my shit, so his shit is wuss. And so I am not going to bother with it any more.

and mini I didn't know he was like this when I took him on. I didn't think to ask what species he was when we were shagging on the living room floor getting to know one another

If you exchange him you might get a puppy dog. You know, with the big, soppy brown eyes they stare at you with when they want something/have done something wrong. Gets me every time. Then you get little puppy babies, and before you know it they are all using the puppy dog eyes on you. Aaaarghh!!!

YABU you should have let him buy flowers. Someone bought. Me flowers when DD1 was born and loved them.

Actually I got flowers when all 3 DD's were born, I still love getting flowers.