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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little bit upset at not being asked to be God Mother

21 replies

longbay · 10/10/2011 13:23

Some of our best friends have asked my DH to be God Father to their second child. I thought perhaps they may have asked both of us. Am I being unreasonable to feel a little upset by this?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/10/2011 13:26

Picking godparents is always a source of problems... who to pick, who will sulk, who will actually want to do it, who is likely to still be on the scene by the time the child is out of nappies...

ScaredyDog · 10/10/2011 13:27

Some family members made DB (a teenager at the time) godfather of their DS1 (they already had a DD) and I was pissed off at not being asked as well. I'm a few years older than DB.

Not quite the same I know, but I can see why you're hurt. YANBU

Nixea · 10/10/2011 13:28

Where they friends with your DH before you became a couple? Do they see him more that you? So many factors, so little information.

Or you could just be honoured that your DH has been chosen to play such a special role in the child's life and support him in that.

mistressploppy · 10/10/2011 13:29

This is why we didn't choose godparents. Nothing to do with not being religious Grin

YANBU for being a bit upset, but they probably deliberated for aaages and plumped for the one who'd make the most fuss if not picked - so it's a compliment really....

mumtoted · 10/10/2011 13:30

Is it their first child? Perhaps they're 'saving' you for their next child.

eaglewings · 10/10/2011 13:31

We have only asked one of each couple to be God parent, it means twice as many couples are connected to our kids and we have half female half male.

It is their choice in the end.

smileitssunny · 10/10/2011 13:35

I can see why you might feel upset. Bear in mind though that for a CofE christening ceremony, the church may require the child to have 3 god parents - 2 of same sex and 1 opposite. Perhaps it's a really strict church?

Are you both 'spiritual'? (I hesitate to say religious)

You don't know what criteria your friends are using to choose godparents. Please don't feel that it reflects their opinion of how you're raising your DC's. I'm quite sure it wouldn't have crossed their minds!

Original poster
longbay · 10/10/2011 13:36

Nixea my DH was childhood friends with the husband, however I am very good friends with his wife.
I can totally understand why DH was chosen. He is a really amazing person and I am very proud of him.
However I just thought that maybe they'd ask me too.
Mumtoted - it's their second child

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 10/10/2011 13:41

"Discussions" with my DH over who we should choose as godparents for our DS meant he didn't get christened until 2 years later than we originally wanted to! Seriously, it's a minefield and I very much doubt they meant to offend you. Maybe they only want one GF and one GM, and the GM they have chosen is a very old friend of hers who she promised could be GM when they were 15yo? Who knows.

scarletfingernail · 10/10/2011 13:47

YAB a bit U but I do understand why you might feel disappointed.

I should think that the child's parents put a lot of thought into who they asked to be Godparents and they will have their reasons for not asking you. They also shouldn't have to explain to anyone else why they've chosen or not chosen someone (not that you've suggested they should, I know).

Although some churches say people can have as many Godparents as they wish, some people still like to stick with tradition and have 2 men and 1 woman for a boy and 2 women and 1 man for a girl. If this is the case for them, it just may be that there were 1 or 2 other women they felt would be more suitable for whatever reason.

The above is just one example that they may not have asked you. There could be any number of reasons. Maybe the women they've asked instead are relatives they feel obliged to ask? Maybe the women they've asked instead are more involved with the Church than you? Have you ever had conversations in the past that could lead them to think that being Christened isn't something that important in your opinion?

I would assume that it's not personal and feel honoured for my DH. It's definitely not worth bringing it up with them as it would just cause bad feeling.

Original poster
longbay · 10/10/2011 13:59

thanks for all you comments. Scarlettfingernail I would never dream of saying anything to them.
Our friends have lots of very good friends to choose from. I suppose I just kind of presumed that we'd be asked as a couple but I guess it doesn't work like that.
I must admit the more I talk about it, it's starting to make me feel a bit ashamed I even asked the question Blush

OP posts:
januaryjojo · 10/10/2011 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

forrestgump · 10/10/2011 14:11

We have only ever asked one of the couple, and thankfully in the cases, where it was the man as godfather, the wife, has taken on the responsibility of remembering special events in our children's lives, as do we when only one of us has been asked. SO yes I do think you are being unreasonable. It's pretty much a joint role, even if only one is asked.

My dh took my godsons to a rugby match, and I took dh's god daughter to see father Christmas one year with my daughter.

FrightNight · 10/10/2011 14:11

I had an utterly irrational reaction when DH was asked to be a GP and I wasn't. I was really, really upset and it didnt matter how grown up I tried to be about it. I am still baffled by my reaction to be honest.

OhCobblers · 10/10/2011 14:14

I must admit the more I talk about it, it's starting to make me feel a bit ashamed I even asked the question

OP Don't be. You clearly think highly of them as friends and would have loved the honour. Many people, myself included, think it strange to ask a couple. I personally wouln't and i also haven't asked my siblings - something else i think strange as for me its all about the outside influences my children would have, outside of their extended family IYSWIM? Smile

honestly, nothing to feel ashamed about and you are NBU!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 10/10/2011 14:15

YANBU.

My very best friend of 20 years chose another friend to be her Matron of Honour.

I was Shock and she never said anything about it to me. She put me at the family table though. Maybe this was a sop...I just decided to not be hurt.

makachu · 10/10/2011 14:18

I would have only asked one of a couple and probably have asked two people from two families thinking that it's implicit that it's a joint role. They probably asked your dh so that the could ask someone else from a different family to be godmother, so that there are two options if there's a fall out or the one set of godparents dies in a car crash or something.

diddl · 10/10/2011 14:20

Who is the Godmother?

We have my husband´s best friend as Godfather & my best friend as Godmother.

Never occurred to us to ask their spouses/partners tbh.

picnicbasketcase · 10/10/2011 14:21

Makes me quite glad that a) so few of my friends have children yet and b) none of them are religious enough to have a christening anyway.

TonksmarriedaWerewolf · 10/10/2011 14:22

I was rather upset when DH was asked to be GF to our friend's son and i wasn't, but i see his GS more than he does now! Not sure why i was upset, think I thought, like you, that they'd have asked us both.

It's all evened out though, as by this time next year I'll have 3 GDs! :o

TonksmarriedaWerewolf · 10/10/2011 14:24

Sorry, far too much punctuation! Blush

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