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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD? Neighbour sewing cushion covers for us...

95 replies

Dorris83 · 09/10/2011 16:05

Our neighbour is a widow in her late 80s. She is a really lovely lady who is always friendly and everyone loves her.

As she doesnt have transport, or family very close by, we do little jobs for her. We will pick up things from the shops for her (which she always reimberses us for), my DH always mows her lawn when he does ours, and once he painted all of the base of her house when he did ours.

In return, she always takes in packages for us, and also makes little treats like cake and biscuits which she brings around.

But she has always said that she doesnt like to be a pest, and doesnt like asking for things. She has been saying for a long time that she wants to do something for us.

We have said 'no no no, we dont mind at all' and 'call yus anytime you need us' but she kept insisting she wanted to do something for us.

We know she does a lot of sewing (which she charges for) and we wanted some new cushions for the living room. So we asked her if she could make them for us- which she was thrilled to agree to.

We supplied all the materials, including thread, material, zips and a picture of what we are after and asked her to make us 4.

She had a lot of jobs from other people so it has been about 8 weeks since she took all the material and agreed to make them.

She brought them round today- they look amazing- really professional. We said 'thank you so much they are fantastic, we love them' and my DH said 'are you sure we can't give you anything for them?' to which she replied 'well it's up to you isn't it?'

So now we dont know what to do! I was planning to get her a thank you card and some flowers, then continue as normal. But now we think we should probably give her some cash... but how much?

The materials have already cost us about £30. They are lovely cushions, the type that would cost about £25 each...

Should we stick £30 into a thank you card, or more? or less?

I just dont know, and we dont want to upset her. But equally, we werent expecting to pay her for them, as she wanted to do something for us!

advice please...

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/10/2011 12:26

Paying her defites the object of her doing somthing nice for you. It puts you in the position of client. She may as well have said these are my charges. What's the poi nt you could have bought them from a shop with less hassle.

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 12:47

Ffalina not everyone thinks like you. If you do someone a favour you don't charge, than it's not a favour. I would be happy with card and flowers it's the sentiment, not everyone wants cold hard cash, I would be a bit embarrassed tbh.

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 12:48

Tbh I would not have asked her to make me something.

MissMap · 10/10/2011 13:00

I would pay her £40 and keep the moral high ground.

She should return this to you and at that point and not before would I give her flowers, card etc.

Curiousmama · 10/10/2011 13:26

Sorry Sew but those cushions remind me of aran cardies Grin You could go to charity shop, find a couple of aran cardies and make them Wink Of course you'd have to hand wash said cardies first! Plus have the time to do it?

NeumsyPeddie · 10/10/2011 14:50

I'd err on the side of paying her for them. Good neighbor relations are priceless, and I wouldn't chance it! :D

PetiteRaleuse · 10/10/2011 15:01

Your DH offered to pay her for them. Or give her something for them. In her place if I neede money I'd have said the same thing. Give her 30 quid, or whatever you can afford. Put it in a nice card to say thank you.

She did the job on the understanding it was for free, but then your DH did offer. You can't not give her anything now.

RedRubyBlue · 10/10/2011 15:24

My Mum is 79 and does clothing alterations and is always grateful for the money but is always too shy to ask for it. Many times she has not been paid or paid with flowers.

I would put some money or vouchers in an envelope for your neighbour, she has worked for it/them.

Original poster
Dorris83 · 10/10/2011 19:57

Ok I have an update, thank you all for your advice.

So dh spoke to her today and she asked for £5 towards the electricity. Oh how guilty do we feel?!

So we got her an orchid in a pot, a card, and we're going to put £20 in the car. In the card this is (roughly) what we wrote:

Thank you so much for makng us the lovely cushions. We can se how much work you put into them and would like to contribute towards your time ( which was longer than we both thought)

They are fantastic quality and we know we couldnt get nicer in a shop. We hope you will continue to ask us if there is ever anything we can do for you, it is no trouble for us.

We are very lucky to have such a good neighbour :-)

Many thanks
Dorris and DH

Hopefully she will be pleased and we can go back to normal now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dorris83 · 10/10/2011 19:58

Sorry for the typos, updating from my phone, I spelled things correctly in the card!

OP posts:
AnnetteProfit · 10/10/2011 19:59

£50

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 20:08

Thats great Doris very good compromise. Annette eh Confused. If you are implying that the op give her £50 she did also buy the materials for the cushion covers btw, and they do jobs for the lady too.

BoffinMum · 10/10/2011 20:11

A neighbour of mine recently spent a morning helping me put up a climbing frame. I didn't know what to give him either, but I knew he was on a pension and reckoned £10 a hour would be a reasonable contribution to his garden centre fund, plus I gave him some of his favourite beer. He thought it was more than generous and was quite touched. He then spent quite a lot of time making a special trip into town to track down a special bolt we needed to finish the job, and he came after a couple of days to check it over and make sure it was still sound. We both had a good time putting it up and I was pleased to be able to slip him a bit of money so things were still in balance. But it is very hard to know what to do, I will freely admit.

vividgingerchilli · 10/10/2011 20:16

I think you really need to consider paying her.

Curiousmama · 10/10/2011 23:18

Great news glad you came to a compromise. Bless her Smile

Donkeyswife · 11/10/2011 01:01

Pay her the money, kiss it goodbye and don't ask her to do anything again for you. If you don't you'll forever be regretting/fretting/worrying over it and it might cause disharmony in what sounds like a good relationship.

ChippingIn · 11/10/2011 01:17

Doris - I'm pleased it's all sorted :)

PetiteRaleuse · 11/10/2011 07:39

That sounds like a good compromise all round. Well done.

Pancakeflipper · 11/10/2011 07:41

Hurrah! Lovely neighbours are brilliant and it sounds like your family and her make a good team. Really glad all sorted.

Lucyinthepie · 11/10/2011 08:01

I loeve it when people chip in a day after an update without bothering to read even the most recent posts.

Sounds like a good ending to the story Doris, and you're all still friends who help each other.

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