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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD? Neighbour sewing cushion covers for us...

95 replies

Dorris83 · 09/10/2011 16:05

Our neighbour is a widow in her late 80s. She is a really lovely lady who is always friendly and everyone loves her.

As she doesnt have transport, or family very close by, we do little jobs for her. We will pick up things from the shops for her (which she always reimberses us for), my DH always mows her lawn when he does ours, and once he painted all of the base of her house when he did ours.

In return, she always takes in packages for us, and also makes little treats like cake and biscuits which she brings around.

But she has always said that she doesnt like to be a pest, and doesnt like asking for things. She has been saying for a long time that she wants to do something for us.

We have said 'no no no, we dont mind at all' and 'call yus anytime you need us' but she kept insisting she wanted to do something for us.

We know she does a lot of sewing (which she charges for) and we wanted some new cushions for the living room. So we asked her if she could make them for us- which she was thrilled to agree to.

We supplied all the materials, including thread, material, zips and a picture of what we are after and asked her to make us 4.

She had a lot of jobs from other people so it has been about 8 weeks since she took all the material and agreed to make them.

She brought them round today- they look amazing- really professional. We said 'thank you so much they are fantastic, we love them' and my DH said 'are you sure we can't give you anything for them?' to which she replied 'well it's up to you isn't it?'

So now we dont know what to do! I was planning to get her a thank you card and some flowers, then continue as normal. But now we think we should probably give her some cash... but how much?

The materials have already cost us about £30. They are lovely cushions, the type that would cost about £25 each...

Should we stick £30 into a thank you card, or more? or less?

I just dont know, and we dont want to upset her. But equally, we werent expecting to pay her for them, as she wanted to do something for us!

advice please...

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 09/10/2011 20:17

Why don't you give her a cheque and she can decide whether or not to cash it.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 20:25

YANBU just stick to a card, some flowers and chocolates. She said that she wanted to do something for you, you supplied the materials, and you have done jobs for her. No need to give her any money.

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 21:11

Tell DH that YOU were keeping money & friends separate - it was him that muddied that water!! Grin

I'd still go for flowers/treats & a 'if you ever need anything'... you do a lot for her above & beyond being neighbourly, she kept on about wanting to do something for you - let this be it or you'll start the whole bloody circle again.

Sewmuchtodo · 09/10/2011 22:07

As a maker of soft furnishings I realise the time that goes into making cushions... however I also know that when I do someone a favour I never seek payment.

For a medium sized plain cushion I charge £28 and if the cushion has fabric detail it's £32, stitched detail £38. This includes all materials.

I would pop £40 in a card with a bottle of wine or box of choc's (and be peeved I had). but I would only do this if you could afford to, as likewise perhaps she could not afford to have her home painted but your DH did it for free, so an exchange of skills is fair for all.

WinnieMac · 09/10/2011 22:33

Ho ho greengoose. I made one with a zip the other day. It took me an entire morning. Grin

Salmotrutta · 09/10/2011 22:56

Sewmuch - the OP supplied the materials so what would you charge under those circs?
I have nothing to add to the debate by the way - I'm just curious! Grin

.... actually, I think she is a wee bit cheeky. Your DH mowing her lawn is a fair bit of help on it's own, never mind the painting and doing the shopping!
I appreciate she might be a bit hard-up but if she had to pay folk to do these jobs she'd be even worse off.

happyAvocado · 09/10/2011 23:46

maybe she thinks she would survive without those jobs done
so she doesn't value them s much as she values her own time....

serin · 10/10/2011 00:07

OP you've been had! Shock

Think you have no option but to pay up.
I would stick £30 in an envelope and be less inclined to put myself out for her next time.

Am horrified at the cost of cushions though, I bought 4 Laura Ashley ones recently for £4 in a charity shop.

Curiousmama · 10/10/2011 08:39

Serin I'm horrified too, mine were from Wilkos £1.50 each in the sale Grin

Sewmuchtodo · 10/10/2011 08:49

Salmotrutta I would still pop the £40 in as thats £10 per cushion for her time/labour/electricity costs (assuming she uses a machine).

That said I think the op should give her nothing (well perhaps a bottle of wine) due to all the time/labour they have already given her. As you say, she would be much worse off financialy had she paid to have all these jobs done!

LapsedPacifist · 10/10/2011 08:52

Am amazed at how many people suggest you shouldn'y pay something for the cushions, given that sewing provides her with an income! I would give her £30-40 in a nice card.

I can't imagine for a minute that a seamstress in her late 80s can turn out work at the same speed as a youngster, her eyesight is probably poor for a start. It's most unlikely it only took her a couple of hours to run the cushions up, especially if she had the materials for 8 weeks.

Sewmuchtodo · 10/10/2011 08:52

Ps. Wish I had such lovely things as Laura Ashley cushions in my local charity shop!
I got two of these for my bed recently and could have cried over the price. So wish I could knit!!! Envy

aldiwhore · 10/10/2011 08:53

Definitely talk to her and be honest, say you have been worrying about the cushions, and be open how you're a little lost as to how to repay her/say thank you. Do this when you take the card and flowers round... she probably either tell you off for fretting, or she'll set a price.

Its a bit of a storm in a tea cup isn't it?

melika · 10/10/2011 08:59

I am sorry but she said she wanted to do something for you, so a lovely card and flowers will do. She might have forgot she said it! You can always mention in the card it was a lovely thing for her to do for you. Don't pay her anything. If anything it will clarify your friendship, if she is offended, she will let you know. She will fall out with you and bingo you don't have to do anything else for her. I know it sounds mercenary but you will soon know if it was a guesture of goodwill on her behalf.

Slacking9to5 · 10/10/2011 08:59

You asked her if she was sure that she didn't want anything for them so how can you get uppity about her saying it's up to you?

They may have taken her far longer than she had thought.

I don't think she is being remotely cheeky, how odd.

HippyHippopotamus · 10/10/2011 09:15

dorris can you either show us a photo of your cushions or even a link to the ones she copied?

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 09:16

Look the woman said she wanted to do something nice in return for the jobs op and her dh do for her, takes away the sentiment if she had to pay, she may as well have gone to a shop and bought them, as she also supplied the material. Op is not taking advantage of her she has been kind and dine things for the lady and in return the lady wanted to do something nice for her.

2BoysTooLoud · 10/10/2011 09:31

I agree with the flowers and treats route. Does she have a favourite tipple? Flowers, chocs, alcohol and a lovely thank you card.
[I have muddied water and made comment like your husband over different issue with a neighbour - wish I had kept my mouth shut. Twas awkward].

sausagesandmarmelade · 10/10/2011 09:31

I think that she's being a bit naughty really....

She insisted that she wanted to do something for you...and so you took her up on her offer, not expecting to have to pay her.

Maybe she's not expecting monetary payment...I don't know. Perhaps you should have a little chat about this and ask her directly if she was expecting you to pay money for the cushions? If she says yes...then you should give a token amount (after all, you've done a lot for her too).

It sounds as if you have had a mutually beneficial relationship for some time....so hopefully this won't cause a problem (or any awkwardness)between you.

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 09:49

Yes find out what she into eg gardening or baking and buy her a little gift related to that, much better than money, more personal

Faffalina · 10/10/2011 10:00

If someone gave me money rather than cards / flowers I would be pleased and certainly not think it "tacky". The OP said the lady needs money. Nobody needs flowers, really.

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2011 10:27

I'd just go round with my purse and say, "Just wanted to settle up for the cushions. How much do I owe you?"

heleninahandcart · 10/10/2011 10:36

Actually, I think Imperial has got this in one. Would save all the embarrassment and clear the air. Just ask her outright how much you owe. If she says nothing, you can follow up with a card and flowers or whatever.

Especially as you can duck out of it and send DH your DH is her favourite

diddl · 10/10/2011 10:43

I really like those sewmuch

TheRealMrsHannigan · 10/10/2011 10:53

I wouldn't pay her, she did after all, say she wanted to do something for you, and you sound as though you have been a brilliant neighbour.

Flowers, her favourite chocs/bath salts/scented candle and a gushing thank you card will be thank you enough imo.

Sounds to me that by your DH saying 'are you sure we can't give you anything' threw her a bit amd maybe caught her off guard?