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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder how YOUR kids settled into starting primary school?

23 replies

TheBlackPanther · 08/10/2011 20:07

My son settled in very well and made friends straight away, only problem is he is wetting himself again :( do any of you have this problem too?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 08/10/2011 20:21

Apart from being really tired by the end of the day, I didn't have the same problem with DD1.

But it's totally understandable that your DS might be stressed out by it all.

How are the teachers approaching it?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 08/10/2011 20:23

We had a few wet beds, but no probs during the day.

Is it that your DS gets distracted by activities at school and forgets about going to the loo?

wineoclocktimeyet · 08/10/2011 20:26

DS2 is totally shattered and although he's not wetting himself as such, he is leaving it to the very very last minute and only just making it to the toilet.

For him I think its a combination of tiredness and having less time to play at home and so getting engrossed in games more.

Perhaps a reward system if he stays dry might work or do you think it might be a physical thing, is a urine infection. I'm always a bit suspicious of the cleanliness of school loos!

clairefromsteps · 08/10/2011 20:26

Yep, my son has done exactly the same thing. Luckily the teacher and LSA are very kind, mumsy sorts and have been brill about it. They said it happens all the time, especially when they get engrossed in things. And it's a boy thing too, doesn't happen with girls nearly so often.

TheProvincialLady · 08/10/2011 20:26

No wetting but my DS is holding his wee in as long as possible to avoid using the school loos. He comes out of school clutching himself, or at least he was at first but it has now eased off. Could your son be doing the same?

wineoclocktimeyet · 08/10/2011 20:27

ie an infection

MrsJasonBourne · 08/10/2011 20:29

Dd1 settled right in. They had a few afternoons there last term and she's gone up with about eight friends from her preschool next door. She's having a great time and no, she's not tired after school, she's still buzzing!

She did, however, regress to wetting herself continuously for months following our house move and we pretty much had to go through toilet training for a second time. We just put it down to a stress release, she was fine in herself. Oh and she would no longer sleep without a light on like she did at the old house. You'll just have to go back to basics like we did and hopefully he'll snap out of it. Preferably a bit quicker than dd, it took about nine months. Good luck.

Original poster

TheBlackPanther · 08/10/2011 20:41

He came out of school for the first few days drenched. so i told the teacher and she said she would keep an eye on
him.
I think he is to scared to tell the teacher.
Anyway all of a sudden he stopped doing it and everything went well, until the other day he had a poo accident on the way home.
We told him we were not angry coz it was an accident but since then he has been wetting himself again and occasionally having a poo accident.
I am now starting to get frustrated because just when i think we have cracked it, it starts again

OP posts:

tralalala · 08/10/2011 20:44

It is frustrating but try very very hard to hide it, it will make him feel bad.

handsomeharry · 08/10/2011 20:49

OP, my DS did this when he started school. I was so worried about it but it stopped after a term. I had a chat with the doctor about it too and she told me to try and be as calm and relaxed as I could and she thought it would soon pass. It did.

DS is 9 now but I remember wondering at the time what was going on.

Original poster

TheBlackPanther · 08/10/2011 21:06

to take the pressure off i have made him a reward chart
If he wets himself he gets a big X and if he does not he gets a sticker.
if he does well then he gets pocket money at the end of the week.
I hope it works we shall see.
Until then im gonna try and let it go now because the last thing i want to do is make it worse.
I sometimes forget that he is only 4 because he talks and acts like a teenager sometimes lol.

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 08/10/2011 21:15

I think they need time to get used to using the school toilets sometimes. My older two had this, they would come out of school dancing about with their legs crossed and deny they needed a wee and then be desperate all the way home (or wee on the way when they just couldn't hold it any longer). With my younger ones though, they all went to the nursery at the same school, and the reception class use the same toilets as the nursery. They know where they are, they are only used by the tinies, they've have used them before, and it didn't happen.

MissMississippi · 08/10/2011 21:27

The sticker is a great idea if he doesn't wet himself. I think the "big X" is very negative (poor kid) and sounds like you are angry and disappointed and might may things worse. Can't you do the reward chart with just positive stickers?

BreadCrumbsandButterBeans · 08/10/2011 21:53

My DTDs refuse to use the school toilets. They have a fear about falling in. I had almost managed to convince them that they would be ok, when one of their class mates did fall in and got very wet - eek!

I'm not really sure what the answer is, but for the time being we have a mad dash home each afternoon before they burst. It's quite frustrating because we can't stop and play at the park on the way back.

Original poster

TheBlackPanther · 08/10/2011 21:59

yes good point missmississippi

OP posts:

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 08/10/2011 22:05

My ds had just stopped crying everyday when they had a school trip and he fell asleep on the bus on the way home, he wasn't overly bothered by it. However I went all pfb and got very upset once he was in bed, we have had A LOT of wet beds though, I'm guessing its because he's far more tired than usual, he's only 4.2

missmapp · 08/10/2011 22:06

ds1 did this, i tried talking to him, a reward chart and other things but nothing worked, then a friend asked why I was drawing such attention to it, so itried completely ignoring it, and it worked!!. The school were great and I would put a change of trousers/pants etc in his p.e bag and he would just change himself. I would say nothing, just take the clothes out and wash them, after a week of not mention it at all, he was back to being dry. He is in yr2 now and has no probs.

handsomeharry · 08/10/2011 22:08

Yes, the best thing is to ignore it and not make it a big thing.

incognitopenguingirl · 08/10/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

manicinsomniac · 08/10/2011 22:19

My daughter's been in the nursery class of her pre prep full time since she was 2.8 so in a way it's just like moving up a year group for her. In her reception class of 12, 7 others were in the nursery with her and only 4 are new.

But yes, she does wet herself when she's tired or very busy. We work very long days and she's never been reliably dry really.

GalaxyWeaver · 08/10/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theas18 · 08/10/2011 23:04

Umm all 3 settled in well and loved it from the start. I think it was partially luck and partially that thru had been at full time nursery so were so used to being left in a fun place with other kids.

I was the very embarrassed mum 14yrs ago dragging her just 4th old OUT of school after a half day " settling in" session whilst said child kicked screed and clung to things cos she didnt want to ho home

No toilet issues as , again they were used to the loos at nursery.

Dd settled when she learned it was ok, she could go and " see mrs jones" for the rest of the day ( ie back to nursery) not hav to go home with boring mum- in fact saint mrs jones collected her and took her the few houses down to nursery after the first couple of days!

I honestly don't recall any problems with any of them !

Good luck to all the new starters and their parents.

blackeyedsusan · 08/10/2011 23:26

have you spoken to the teacher to ask them to send your child to the toilet more often? is he allowed to go when he needs to without having to ask? good practice

can you get a porta potty to have in the car if you travel by car?

other than that, don't make a fuss, just "never mind" and get him involved in cleaning himself up as he is old enough to get his own clothes changed. may need help with poo. keep wipes, nappy sacks carrier bags, anti bac wipes for surfaces and hand gel to hand. if you travel by car a plastic sheet, antibac spray and kitchen roll come in handy too.

cheap underpants can be thrown away, or wash out or soak immediately.

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