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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that things in your supermarket trolley aren't yours until you have paid for them

491 replies

jandymaccomesback · 08/10/2011 15:52

This morning in Tesco we kept passing a womanwith a child in a trolley. We first saw her in fruit and veg, as she peeled a banana and handed it to the child. Next time we saw her the child was eating from a packet of cheese strings. Finally we saw her opening a carton of juice. All of these things came off the shelf. DH was so enraged he wanted to tell the staff, but I persuaded him not to. To me this is wrong, even if you intend to pay,and definitely gives a message to the child that she can help herslf. AIBU?

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 08/10/2011 23:50

Lol at enraged.

I must be immoral because not only does ds2 snack on a packet of crisps or babybel or similar on occassion but i do something far worse...

I actually test a grape before deciding to buy them Blush Shock but having confessed I'm sure I'll be able to sleep tonight Wink

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2011 23:51

So - it's not OK to judge other parents for not teaching their children to wait until food's paid for before they eat it (in the supermarket), but it is OK to throw around nasty terms like 'control freak' for those of us with different moral values. Hmm

ShellyBoobs · 08/10/2011 23:51

"I don't really believe it gets paid for."

Nor do I, Piglet.

Of course, no one here is one of those people stuffing empty packets/wrappers into random shelves as they waft around the aisles.

Someone does it though...

incognitofornow · 08/10/2011 23:53

This reply has been deleted

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helpmabob · 08/10/2011 23:58

I still dont understand why people get worked up about such a non-issue. Why do you care what other parents do especially over something so minor. And even if for some reason lost to me you think it is not minor, again why do you care what other people are doing?

Morloth · 09/10/2011 00:10

Its not poor planning on my part. I make no effort to avoid doing it whatsoever, because I think it is just fine. I think it is a bit mad to take snacks to the supermarket, I also don't care that he could go without for the time that I am there, he doesn't have to if I don't want him to.

So we head to the supermarket and if he wants something that I am buying, I give him some. Sometimes he has eaten before hand, sometimes he hasn't, don't care.

It is a total non issue. I did the same with 7 year old DS1 and he would rather chew his own arm off than go to the supermarket (or any shop for that matter) and perfectly understands No. Because there are things that I say No to and that is non-negotiable, this isn't one of those things.

I have never not thrown whatever it is in the trolley and paid for it on the way out, doesn't matter if people don't believe me, I know that is the truth.

Supermarkets do indeed risk losing customers if they try to stop people doing this, because it would be stupid. And supermarkets like people to be happy, they like people to wander up and down the aisles for as long as possible, we have a mutually beneficial arrangement with Woolies.

helpmabob I think you are misunderstanding, we like to argue about pointless shit, it is fun. Grin

PigletJohn · 09/10/2011 00:18

"Someone does it though..."

Could it be fairies?

HenriettaFarthingay · 09/10/2011 00:19

It looks common. Feed your children before you go out. (Those with medical needs, etc excepted of course).

Morloth · 09/10/2011 00:21

Ah see the joys of not being English is that it doesn't matter to me if it looks 'common'.

I am a feral, I like being a feral. It is much easier than spending time worrying about what people think.

incognitofornow · 09/10/2011 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

frutilla · 09/10/2011 00:31

I've done it when I was pregnant and feeling faint with thirst. And with a snack to calm a screaming child. I would only do it in emergency and if I had enough cash in case card didn't go through.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 09/10/2011 00:44

The only people bring defensive and getting offensive are the ones who can't manage to enter a supermarket without stuffing their faces on the way round. All I've read here and every time this topic comes up is a load of excuses. I don't give a toss what anyone does, I don't even give a toss if you pay for it at the end or not, that's for your conscience. It's just very entertaining watching how creative you can be with your excuses and how guilty defensive you're all being and getting more and more aggressive.

MrsLadywoman · 09/10/2011 01:14

we often raid the doughnuts. fuck 'em, they're making enough monry

PigletJohn · 09/10/2011 01:17

I don't believe you

"the chances are it isn't anyone posting on this thread"

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 01:56

I love it - giving a child some organix or a bread stick evolves into 'stuffing their faces'.

It Is Not A Big Deal- Get A Grip

I would far rather give them something from the supermarket and pay for it on the way out than bring something & have to explain it was already ours.

Even when I'm on my own I often get a drink out of the chiller and drink it on the way around - I pay for it at the end, so what's the problem? Really - what is the problem?

As for the Op's DH getting 'enraged' I really think anger management classes would be time well spent.

MrsLadywoman · 09/10/2011 02:36

When I was a kid, my mum and I would do the shopping on the high street and the greengrocer would give me an apple, and the grocer had a bag of sweets on the counter that he would dole out to the kids of customers and we all lived in Camberwick Green in an idyllic 1960s world and it was lovely. We don't have that anymore because the big TescoSainsburyAsda has taken over and there isn't a nice man in a shop to help mums out while they're shopping and the kids get bored. The kids are still bored

Morloth · 09/10/2011 02:59

Still like that where I shop here.

Lots of freebies handed out at my mall, works too. I always go back to the shops that come with a friendly smile and a treat for the kids. DS2 eats a whole punnet of strawberries on our way round the fruit shop. This is benefits the shop owner because it means I buy 2 or possibly 3 punnets instead of one so the rest of the family gets some.

We still have greengrocers and butchers though and I try to shop there as much as possible to ensure we keep them.

spiderslegs · 09/10/2011 03:42

'It looks common'

Utterly, utterly bizarre , ah no, thinking about it, you are right Henrietta , Nancy Mitford had quite alot to say on the subject,

'Life is sometimes sad and often dull, but there are currants in the cake, and here is one of them, (but God forbid you may eat it before paying at the checkout at Tescos)

?I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away." (if only was I of the herd, I could give them a purloined chocloate bar, well, not really purloined, but YKWIM, then undoubtedly they would shut the fuck up & I wouldn't need to resort to staff)

Phew, thanks for clearing that one up.

Am off to see what she had to say about Greggs & Fruitshoots.

sunnydelight · 09/10/2011 06:03

I took 8yo DD shopping recently and didn't have to feed her lunch after. The guy at the deli asked "would she like a slice" when he was cutting my ham (nice of course Grin, seafood counter was handing out some salt and pepper squid samples - yum. Ditto cheese counter. Fruit section has started putting out samples of fruit in season with "please have a taste" signs. No moral decision to be made!

toodles · 09/10/2011 06:19

I have no problem with it myself as long as the item doesn't need to be preweighed. Always pay for item at the end. Never had a problem with it in any supermarket either.

There are so many issues to get enraged about in this world of ours today. Supermarket 'grazing' isn't one of them.

MamaMaiasaura · 09/10/2011 07:51

Just to add (as I'm a confessed immoral mother whole allows her child to graze in tesco), that at the deli counter the actually make up a pot of olives for him to snaffle on our way around. As in, price it to allow him to have lid off etc. If they were against it they wouldn't do that.

Also dh when he was a teenager had parttime job at tesco and they were told customer always comes first and they were fully aware of grazing. And testing grapes is very much like trying cheese or ham on the deli counter. Smilea

TheSkiingGardener · 09/10/2011 07:52

arf at being controlling because I bring my children up according to my values. I think that's what you're meant to do.

If when I am in the situation where I have royally screwed up I go and pay for something then allow DS to have it. If I've messed up it's not fair to punish him.

But I will be teaching him that eating things in a supermarket before you have paid for them is bad manners. If that makes you unhappy that's your stuff not mine.

And by teaching him this I will also ensure that MN can continue these debates well into the next generation.

Megatron · 09/10/2011 08:01

Not getting involved in the 'I'm a better parent than you' stuff I don't like seeing people do this.

It doesn't 'enrage' me, I don't give it much thought to be honest but I just don't do it myself. That it can spark such a debate is astounding. Smile

ginmakesitallok · 09/10/2011 08:01

Our shope tend to go like this - round the veg (open grapes for DD2), Deli aisle (6 slices of ham with 2 left out - one for DD1 one for DD2), round tins/dried stuff (don't carry tin opener so usually some more grapes for DD2), cold aisle (open cheese strings one for DD2). It is the BEST way to keep DD2 quiet, I pay for it all, everyone happy.

widdles · 09/10/2011 08:07

If we need to take the dc's with us shopping dd1 (2) usually eats grapes or a banana but the older kids don't have anything unless they sneak a grape or 2 but everything gets paid for so it isn't too bad.

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