to think that things in your supermarket trolley aren't yours until you have paid for them

[jandymaccomesback]

This morning in Tesco we kept passing a womanwith a child in a trolley. We first saw her in fruit and veg, as she peeled a banana and handed it to the child. Next time we saw her the child was eating from a packet of cheese strings. Finally we saw her opening a carton of juice. All of these things came off the shelf. DH was so enraged he wanted to tell the staff, but I persuaded him not to. To me this is wrong, even if you intend to pay,and definitely gives a message to the child that she can help herslf. AIBU?

I'm with the OP here. I tell my DS that he can't have any thing from the trolley until we've paid for it, as it's not ours.

Works a treat - I'm in effect bribing him to behave whilst we are shopping. Don't know how I'd keep his behavouir in check if he'd eaten his 'reward' before we got half way around the shop!

I'm with the OP and her husband.

Eating things before you've paid for them is wrong and bad manners.
There is no need to feed either children or yourself whilst shopping.
I've shopped with three, sometimes four children under 6 yrs old and none of them has ever suffered from being denied something to eat or drink in a shop. They have been taught it is not the right thing - there are times and places for eating, and "shopping" is not one of them.

If someone shopping is diabetic/pregnant and likely to need water or energy/have a heavy cold, then surely you would go prepared to the shop with appropriate foods/bottles of water/packs of tissues.

I have let dd (3) have something on occasion. I keep the packet & ask the cashier to scan it & then they usually discard it. I would let her have fruit that needs to be weighted tho, only something with a barcode.

I have asked first, on occasion & mostly been told that it isn't an issue, as long as the packet gets scanned. Sometimes I forget her snack, or sometimes she just needs to be occupied.

Also, I pay cash (or have cash in my purse to cover said items) so no need to worry about card not working etc.

I always test grapes. I always let my DC eat in the supermarket if they ask for something from the trolley, although never if it has to be weighed, washed or cooked first. Or eaten with a spoon.

I let them walk out of shoe shops wearing their new shoes (which, given that we end up there when their shoes are either falling apart or too small for them, doesn't seem unreasonable).

Despite what the judgy lot think, this isn't poor or lazy parenting - my DC know what boundaries are, and what my rules are. A blanket ban on eating in supermarkets is not something that I've ever felt the need to enforce.

And I think it's funny that I have unwittingly been the object of much contempt as I make my middle-class way round Sainsbury's every Saturday with the DC munching bananas or bread that we haven't yet paid for.

We shall be doing this with militancy next weekend!

Oakmaiden

I guess that's OK if your shopping does only take 30minutes. But I usually do mine after the school run, so by the time we get to the supermarket I have dropped dd off, gone to the butcher, grocer & cheap (aldi type) food store, then onto the main shop at supermarket. But the time I hit Coles I have been out the house 2hrs + (you have to factor in getting kids in & out of the car). I rarely drive from home to the supermarket & back....in fact, since dd1 started school I haven't done that at all.

And why are the Supermarket Eaters even justifying themselves?

It's not stealing, it's not even banned by the supermarkets; it just happens to be viewed as a major crime by a lot of judgy people who think that they are superior because they and their DC can go for an hour or two without eating anything in public. So what?

arf at 'being common...'

Eating things before you've paid for them is wrong and bad manners

Do you eat out? At restaurants? Most of them are eat - ask for bill - pay. So you are eating before you pay. Is that wrong and bad manners?

Don't know how I'd keep his behavouir in check if he'd eaten his 'reward' before we got half way around the shop

You see, my girls don't get rewarded for doing what I expect them to do, i.e behaving in public & enabling me to get the shopping done.

I have no idea why people feel the need to justify themselves or give excuses.

It makes perfect sense to me, no need to feel bad about it.

I would seriously question the sanity of someone who would take snacks to the supermarket.

Morloth, agree!

At our supermarket deli counter they give the kids cut meat, so a slice of ham, cooked chicken, or fritz (hate that stuff, but the girls LOVE it)

Oh & they don't charge you for it.

I've just realised why from time to time yousee wrappers stuffed on the shelves- they must befrom the people who eat and don't intend to pay for it. Not telling DH about that one.

"You see, my girls don't get rewarded for doing what I expect them to do, i.e behaving in public & enabling me to get the shopping done"

Ah, so distracting from bad behaviour by giving food is good parenting. Rewarding for good behviour a sign of poor parenting. Never realised that.

Ooh, goody, an annual rerun of this thread. In the words of a late, great baseball player, it's deja vu all over again. can I summarise the two possible responses then we can all talk about something else:

How else are you going to get your DC round the shop? If you don't you're a fool and so anally retentive your DC will need years of therapy. You are the worst parent ever (controlling bordering on toxic).

It's the end of civilization as we know it. Your DC will end up feral members of the underclass. You are the worst parent ever (laissez faire bordering on neglect).

gisanevil said...

So - it's not OK to judge other parents for not teaching their children to wait until food's paid for before they eat it (in the supermarket), but it is OK to throw around nasty terms like 'control freak' for those of us with different moral values.

Very good point and an observation that I made...

It's laughable (ironic even) that those calling those who don't feel it's right to eat before you buy "judgey"...when they are doing just THAT!!
Judging those with different morals and ridiculing them in the bargain. Funny that they don't see that!

there are worse crimes than eating before you pay in a supermarket

i used to work on a til in Tescos and grown adults would get the coleslaw container put in a dollop, weight it, get the sticker at the self service counter, then fill it up!!

i've had to ask a woman one day when she presented me with a butt of a bread roll was she after wating a french stick, baguette or petit pain or a bouchon??? like seriously?

also getting what i can only describe as a tree with one grape to be weighed

none of these had children.

on the OP i have when ds was very young given him some bread or raisins or hot cocktail sausages from deli when tantrums were being thrown. however at 2 and half now he knows he cant until its paid for. i always bring a drink for him when out shopping and the reliable box of rainins/lollipop in handbag.

I use to take snacks for DS to the supermarket when he was 1-3yo (ish).

After that I felt he was old enough to wait for food as want and need are different things despite what he'll tell you!

I do think we are more precious about it here than other countries. We holidayed in French campsites as children and DS was born and raised in Spain until he was 2yo - it seemed the norm to do this, especially with fresh pastries/baguettes from the bakery section.

Interesting one -mine probably had the odd breadstick or crust off the bread as very small DC.
As a small child visiting my GP in Germany we would be given something in every shop - a sausage wrapped in paper , a slice of bread,a sweet from a huge jar and have a nice chat with the shop assistant etc-sigh - I loved it.
My DC always try everything on offer from the samples at the deli but would not dream of eating sandwiches etc without paying.
The odd breadstick or banana for a toddler (paid for at the end) is hardly a huge deal. If your DH was outraged I would ask him if he was offering to keep them amused - yep thought not !

"So - it's not OK to judge other parents for not teaching their children to wait until food's paid for before they eat it (in the supermarket), but it is OK to throw around nasty terms like 'control freak' for those of us with different moral values"

I'm not judging anybody, it is fine for everyone to raise their children however they see fit. I have merely stated that I don't see this as an issue myself. As for those questioning whether I do in fact pay for the food consumed I can categorically state that I do. I have never stolen anything in my life.

Wow I can't believe how many people consider it reasonable to eat in the supermarket before paying. Short of seeing the odd person take a grape I've never witnessed this and never been tempted to, nor would my parents ever have allowed me to. It never crossed my mind. I am one of the busybodies like OP's partner who would be minded to tell the staff. DH has been told off by security before for putting the cold food into the chiller bag whilst going around the shop so I'm really surprised that this goes unchecked.

Mind you we are also the busybodies who went and told off the student neighbours for smoking dope on their balcony last night, but that's because it was wafting in DD's window.

morloth I think you are misunderstanding, we like to argue about pointless shit, it is fun

I should cut and paste this in the middle of all AIBU threads

I'm not judging anyone here - if your rules are that your DC don't eat in supermarkets, whether it's food from home or the trolley, then that's fine by me. I really couldn't care less.

Just as long as you accept that these are your rules, irrelevant to anyone else, and personal to your family. They are not the law of the land or of the ruddy supermarket.