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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my OH is a lazy shit?

77 replies

themightyskim · 08/10/2011 09:51

for the scene setting me and my OH both work full time, I can leave my job and come home at the end of the day, he however often has an hour or two of work in an evening

He has a daughter who is 4, we have two dogs, one is a large breed and Im pregnant

so...... I do all the cleaning, I cook for him and my SD, I get her stuff washed and ironed and ready for school, I get her bathed and ready for bed, I do all the shopping. The big dog sheds so much hair I have to brush and mop every day and he slobbers so I have to clean that up several times a day too - OH only has to soak the dog food ready for the next day and clean the yard after the dogs

Hes totally stopped doing these jobs and its pissing me off to the max, I feel like im doing everything around this house, I mention it, we argue a bit and he might if Im super lucky clean the yard up, do that nights dishes and put a load of washing in, then the next day im back to square one

AIBU to think that if we live together he should muck in with the jobs or am I being a big hormonal bitch?

OP posts:
Squitten · 08/10/2011 11:25

AF is square on the money, as per usual.

OP, it's up to you to put your foot down once and for all. No suggestions, no hints - simply TELL him in no uncertain terms that he is going to do x, y and z as a member of your household.

Yoda put it best, as always: Do, or do not. There is no try

nickelbabe · 08/10/2011 11:25

I'm hoping, (very good point booy) that, the OH is being like that because he knows he can get away with it.
I would hope (although I'm not holding my breath because otherwise there wouldn't be care hyomes or the RSPCA), that if the OH was left on his own to look after the DD and dogs, that he would do it.

and that's the double-edged sword isn't it - the OP is almost tied to the situation because she can't guarantee that OH would do the work when push comes to shove.
(i was lucky with my DH in that he had his cats for several years before I came on the scene, so he had a proven track record of caring for his pets)

Squitten · 08/10/2011 11:26

X-post!

He told you that did he, OP? What a surprise...

Glad to hear you will be no longer standing for his crap

nickelbabe · 08/10/2011 11:26

mighty - what does he class as lazy shit though?
making him pull his weight and only doing her fair share? or her doing nothing at all?
you have to know what size his ball-park is.

scottishmummy · 08/10/2011 11:29

youre already back tracking and hes a good un really
so if he is so smashing,what has changed in past month?
why is he not bothered his pregnant partner is stressed and tired because of his inactivity?

Original poster
themightyskim · 08/10/2011 11:30

I have first hand ongoing experience of his ex, genuinely she makes him look like super man in the cleaning and doing stakes lol, but thats beside the point I think theres a balance to be struck today - I might just show him this and see what he thinks to all your suggestions Grin that should set reality back on track

OP posts:
AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 11:30

He left the mother of his child because she was a lazy shit ?

And you believe that ?

Deary me...

I think he means she tried to get him to do his fair share and he didn't want to.

Ringing any bells ?

AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 11:31

I think his reaction to this thread would be quite telling

scottishmummy · 08/10/2011 11:31

hes playing you lie a fiddle
and you think the ex is the baddie
oh very dearie me

wantadvice · 08/10/2011 11:31

He seems a real gem. I bet his ex was seen as lazy as she wasnt prepared to do all the work.

AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 11:32

OK, OP

Right you are

he's dead good really

Moving on, nothing to see here folks...

JackyJax · 08/10/2011 11:35

Maybe you could write down a (long) list of everything that needs to be done. Once it's there in black and white it's pretty hard to ignore.

Then you need to divvy up the tasks.

This is the first step. The problem will be making sure he does his tasks and that you don't have to nag him to do them.

You must communicate with him constantly over this and be very matter of fact.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Original poster
themightyskim · 08/10/2011 11:35

I'm really not getting in to an argument with you about his ex, I know her well enough and I know the problems that rise again and again with the care of his daughter, I accept that he is being a lazy tosser but I have to disagree about the ex situation, this isnt me being drip fed, this is me having spent time with the woman on many occasions and seeing with my own eyes how she lives and what she gets up to, Im drawing a line under that bit sorry im happy with being generally given shit about me and what I put up with but not about the other situation sorry if that spoils the bun fight a bit Grin

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 08/10/2011 11:37

the way you backtrack and reconfigure his behaviours as ok, is bit alarming
youre pregnant work ft doing all the housework but hes a great guy
aye,if you say so

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 11:38

"he left his partner because she was a lazy shit lol," speaks volumes IMO. we know that isn't true, dont we OP. what actually happened was that she probably wasn't happy lifting after him and his dogs all the time and she gave him the boot. he's not going to tell you that though is he? who would want to have a child with someone knowing they were a lazy fucker eh?

dreamingbohemian · 08/10/2011 11:40

Why is it hard to believe that the ex is a nightmare? The daughter is living with the OP after all.

Why do you think his behaviour changed a month ago?

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 11:41

You are PREGNANT....are you going to be doing all this when you're 8 or 9 months?

Or are you going to be living in a dirty hovel?

I would be seriously stopping half of what I was doing right now.

Original poster
themightyskim · 08/10/2011 11:42

I dont think his behaviours are ok thats the point of the post, I do however have a right to make it clear that his previous relationship ended because of other reasons than his lazy bone idle streak, Ive been with OH for three years now, I have a one - two month period where he has become a lazy shit, I can only ask that you read that and understand it and get back to the matter at hand which is the fact that somehow I have become some bloody down trodden doormat who needs to pipe up and get on with at good hard kick up his arse

jackyjax a list sounds good, Im going to have a go at that today I think ready for our discussion

OP posts:
pugmill · 08/10/2011 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 11:42

"Why is it hard to believe that the ex is a nightmare? The daughter is living with the OP after all"

1)the daughter is living with her father.

  1. my children live with me and their father is 100% capable of caring for them.
Original poster
themightyskim · 08/10/2011 11:44

dreamingbohemian work got busier for him and we have had a stressful time with the pregnancy - I clean and buzz about when im stressed, he buries his head

The initial pregnancy problem is settled for now so its just about redressing the balance again

OP posts:
GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 11:46

Skin it's just that you sound like you're thinking is skewed....you're far too light hearted about this as his behaviour is really bad imo.

Who lets their pregnant partner do ALL the housework when she also works full time? He sounds mean.

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 11:47

OP if he was doing it all before the last few months then why has he suddenly got a mind block about restoring the status quo? surely if he is the type of person who normally does his own share of stuff then he would actually be eager to get back to it and acknowledge that it isn't fair on you to be doing so much?

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 11:47

What problems did your pregnancy bring him though??

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 11:48

if it's what he normally does then doesn't he feel terribly guilty that he has let you shoulder it for the past few months?