To think that DD's SM is a blooming SAINT?

[CardyMow]

DD's Father had no contact (through choice) with DD until she was 12 years old.

He got back in touch by phone when she turned 12. He came down from Scotland to where we live in Essex in August, with his wife and 2 other dc. His wife drove ALL the way down here, AND all the way back, as DD's father doesn't drive.

We arranged that DD would fly up there as an unaccompanied minor, in the October half term. But that has proved an impossibility, as DD is 13.6yo, and EasyJet only fly unaccompanied minors from 14yo. And there are no other carriers flying from Stansted - I have no transport, getting to and from Heathrow to drop DD off would take 11 hours - and I have an 8mo bf baby that is a bottle refuser.

So, DD's SM is going to DRIVE all the flipping way from Inverness to Colchester to pick up DD, and drive ALL the way back to Inverness on the 20th - 21st October, and then do the same in reverse on the 28th - 29th October.

AIBU to think she must be some kind of bloody SAINT for doing this for her DH (My ex)??? I'm so glad she is doing it though - it's the only way DD will be able to see them before March next year when she turns 14yo!

Ah, except booyhoo, maybe you are saying, in effect, YABU because in an ideal world everyone would be so co-operative and helpful, and it wouldn't be so outsandingly noticable when an individual was?

Which would be fair comment.

Except the OP wouldn't really be BU, the many people who don't realise what it is that actually makes the world go round, and who make it a worse place, would be!

i dont know, it's not really a public thank you unless OP is hoping the SM will see this, but then wouldn't you just tell her to her face how much you appreciate it?

i guess you're right, i have little experience of step families so maybe this is a massive deal. to me it wouldn't be. i'm not sure i would even expect flowers from the child's father as a thank you, because i would expect to have to fetch children if i married a man with dcs, no matter how far away, i would accept that as the part of the deal. and i love road trips so maybe that would make this much less of an issue for me. i suppose if you didn't like driving this would be a big ask.

She sounds lovely and I think some wine and chocs or home made cakes/muffins would be a lovely gift. It's the thought that counts and homemade beats anything IMO.

To digress slightly if I was the stepmum I would get a plane down and back with your daughter- given the astronomical price of petrol it has to be cheaper and certainly easier if not cheaper! Though that's her choice I guess, no way I could do that drive, what a lovely lady she sounds like a saint!

I love the scrapbook of photos idea. As a child of divorced parents with a crap step mum, I would love for my dad to have even pretended to be interested enough in having photos of me growing up!

Boasting thread by stealth about how wonderful the stepmum is.

Everyone agrees.

Don't you feel smug about life now?

She sounds lovely- your DD is very lucky, and you must feel relieved that she has such a lovely stepmum. Agree with the scrapbook idea.

catch why are you being so nasty and sarcastic?

Fucking hell catch...who bit your arse?

Brilliant! Glad you got it sorted Hunty! We did all try very hard to find flights etc, so it's great that SM, has stepped in for you.

You could always have a nice meal prepared for them, for when they arrive to collect DD and then I think I'd go with the nice picnic for the journey home and a couple of bottles of wine, for when they get there.

catchafallingstar, I think you are STILL being a bit wierd... I am a bit , , and lost for words

she's 13.6. WHY DOES SHE NEED AN ADULT TO DRIVE CROSS COUNTRY FOR HER? and yes i do mean the capslock. and yes i don understand the number of changes that need to be made. I would quite happily send 12 year old ds on such a journey. ten year old perhaps only between london kingcross and edinburgh, but at 13.6? In 2.6 years she will be legally capable of looking after another human life. yet she cant get accross country by herself?

Lady - the OP's DD has ASD and would not cope with travelling on her own and neither would the OP be happy letting her....

OP If your DD has special needs will she still be able to fly alone once she is 14?

for SM and also for OP for generosity of spirit in acknowledging the kindness.

The picnic suggestion by fourkids is a nice one. You can pack it with nice things on every journey back and I expect it will be much appreciated.

What the hell is wrong with people.
One lady has done a nice turn for some one and gone consdierably out of their way to do it (both in turns of distance and time committment)
The mother really appreciates the effort and comments on it and yet gets slagged off!

Other people wade in with their opinions and then comment quite nastily about the daughter without having the sense to read the thread and get all the facts.

I think the SM has done a lot more behind the scenes than facilitate the meeting between daughter and father and sounds like she was instrumental in getting a relationship off the ground which is a good thing!

I just had the wierdest conversation when DS' SM answered the phone!

SM: hello, X speaking can I help. (in German)
ME: Hi is your DH there (in English)

SM for her DH in Germlish: phone for you

EXP: hello, who is it (in Spanish)
ME: it's BOO, etc (in Spanglish)

It must have cost about a fiver to agree on a language to speak, despite the fact Ex and I use English with each other and SM and EX use English with each other!

I have to add I would trust DS' SM more than EX with DS.

Sorry not relevant but.............

OP - YANBU - the stepmum is great.

Colchester to Inverness is a LONG way and a complicated journey for any 13yo who isn't used to travelling alone like that.

And it would eat into her time with her dad because it takes so long and she'd be tired afterwards too.

Having flowers delivered for the stepmum when she arrived home is a lovely idea - beware of the extra delivery charges for Highland postcodes!!! If you choose the flowers, phone a local florist directly (I'm sure Highland mumsnetters will help you find one).

How is it boasting to say how nice someone else is?

Yes, they DO take asd dc as unaccompanied minors...as long as they are 14yo. She just cannot do that sort of train journey, LadySybil - she can't manage to get to the local supermarket and back by bus on her own - we've tried. SHE HAS asd AND learning difficulties - she can't tell the time properly yet. She is working on NC level 3/4 at school - which is a primary level. Would YOU let a primary age dc travel from one end of the country to another??

DD may never live truly independantly - so feck orf with your boasting about your 12yo being able to do stuff - he is NT, DD isn't, and that's just how it is.

Catchafallingstar - BOASTING?? NO, I just think that DD's SM's amazing-ness may just about cancel out how awful DS1's SM is...I have the other end of the scale in my life too, but I was asking if I was BU to think that DD's Sm is a saint.

Actually its only an hour into Liverpool St from Colchester, then you'd allow an hour to get to Heathrow. Not saying to the OP though, just to Fabby who said 2.5 hours. I used to do Colchester to Liverpool St every day when I worked.

Op could be there and back in 4 hours door to door.

But much better if the SM will drive her DD

Central line to Holborn, then change onto Piccadilly line to Heathrow. Alternatively you could get the Circle/Hammersmith and City line to Paddington and get a Heathrow Express.

It may well be possible for it to take the OP 2 hours to get to Heathrow but why would she go there? There are no flights to Inverness from Heathrow. Easyjet and Flybe have flights from Luton and Gatwick.

I know I was responding to Fabby, really.