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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DD's SM is a blooming SAINT?

133 replies

CardyMow · 07/10/2011 17:45

DD's Father had no contact (through choice) with DD until she was 12 years old.

He got back in touch by phone when she turned 12. He came down from Scotland to where we live in Essex in August, with his wife and 2 other dc. His wife drove ALL the way down here, AND all the way back, as DD's father doesn't drive.

We arranged that DD would fly up there as an unaccompanied minor, in the October half term. But that has proved an impossibility, as DD is 13.6yo, and EasyJet only fly unaccompanied minors from 14yo. And there are no other carriers flying from Stansted - I have no transport, getting to and from Heathrow to drop DD off would take 11 hours - and I have an 8mo bf baby that is a bottle refuser.

So, DD's SM is going to DRIVE all the flipping way from Inverness to Colchester to pick up DD, and drive ALL the way back to Inverness on the 20th - 21st October, and then do the same in reverse on the 28th - 29th October.

AIBU to think she must be some kind of bloody SAINT for doing this for her DH (My ex)??? I'm so glad she is doing it though - it's the only way DD will be able to see them before March next year when she turns 14yo!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/10/2011 10:07

There was an alternative you could have put her on a National Express coach from Colchester to Scotland.

BOOareHaunting · 08/10/2011 10:16

YADNBU.

My friends DD lives 1 1/2 away and she always does the collecting/ delivering because of the hours her DH works and DSD gets more time with dad. It was her who initiated contact too. (slightly shorter distance obviously!)

This year her DH couldn't get holiday during summer so she asked me if it was OK to bring her DSD with us on holiday (we'd booked a caravan) as she felt guilty DSD was missing the 'family' holiday. (they usually all go away for 1-2 weeks).

I think SM can be worth their weight in gold and it's also a credit to you for letting your DH back into your DD's life. I know hard hard it is after raising them alone to become protective!

rushofbloodtothefeet · 08/10/2011 10:17

Ah Fabby, nothing like the cold light of reason Hmm

BOOareHaunting · 08/10/2011 10:28

PMSL @ hunty saying both her and SM have researched ALL other viable options, that would also work for DD, other MNer's remembering the thread, agreeing it really was impossible to do it another way without the SM driving 20 hours round trip.

AND people STILL offering alternatives. Yes the SM is a saint but do people think if there was another way she would be doing this?

She's a saint for doing the only option, a bloody difficult one and not saying 'oh well she can visit in Easter then'.

hells1908 · 08/10/2011 10:39

She does sound lovely. How about a present to make the hellish journey slightly less so? Some nibbles for in the car, one of those massaging things, some CDs?

missymarmite · 08/10/2011 11:21

She sounds lovely. Can I get one for DS? Grin

Trills · 08/10/2011 12:01

YABU to think she's a saint because AFAIK saints have to be dead.

(no AIBU policing here, just unnecessary literalism :o)

Trills · 08/10/2011 12:04

Oh and I remember your other thread and I'm glad you've managed to sort something out, even if it involves SM doing an insane amount of driving!

I hope she and your DD have similar tastes in music for the road!

WhiteTrash · 08/10/2011 12:06

So nice to read.

ShellyBoobs · 08/10/2011 12:11

She could have course have gone by train there is no age restriction on trains.

I take it you didn't bother to read the thread, Fabby? Confused

WillieWaggledagger · 08/10/2011 12:14

lol at national express coach from colchester to scotland

because scotland is such a small place

i think you'd need several changes to get to inverness, and the op's covered that

banana87 · 08/10/2011 12:14

Send her flowers!!! I love receiving a big bunch of flowers. Arrange for them to arrive the day after they arrive back in Inverness.

clam · 08/10/2011 12:29

Don't National Express or someone do airport link buses that shuttle between the main airports? Am sure they do Luton/LHR/LGW so can't imagine they wouldn't do something from Stansted also?

(Sorry if this has already been suggested. Only skimmed the thread after catch started nit-picking.

fourkids · 08/10/2011 12:31

HuntyCatInaWitchyHat, I think posting here where so many people will see it is fab :)

and what banana87 said about getting flowers delivered is a nice idea - you might possibly have to raise your budget a little, but these days, when you can do 'flowers by post' you don't have to spend the fortunes you used to have to spend to go through Interflora or the like. I've sent really nice big bunches of flowers this way for around £30.

catchafallingstar, I think you are being a bit wierd...

If someone misreads a post and responds in a way they think is appropriate, and then it is pointed aout to them that they may have made a mistake, isn't it better to admit and apologise than to try to defend one's indefensible post by digging a deeper hole?

However, if that is ACTUALLY your opinion, I apologise in advance.

LollipopViolet · 08/10/2011 12:38

YADNBU!

Anyone willing to drive that distance is in my eyes a saint (I can't drive either). Definitely get her a bottle of wine and some chocolates.

blackeyedsusan · 08/10/2011 12:41

wow. lovely to hear a good news story about sm's

how about popping some chocolates in dd's luggage for her.

fourkids · 08/10/2011 12:48

huge picnic for journey north, with loads of nice tasty stuff in it. Home made cake, cookies etc? - maybe inexpensive gift would be a nice picnic basket/bag with smart flask etc that you pack it in, but that she can use again, probably even for family trips with DD?

KeepInMind · 08/10/2011 12:54

What a lovely thread, I hope you and the Stem mum become good friends as she sounds lovely

piprabbit · 08/10/2011 12:56

The point is that Hunty doesn't need an alternative because her DDs marvellous SM is going above and beyond the call of duty and driving.

For which Hunty has said she is more than grateful.

Well done the SM - Thanks.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 08/10/2011 13:00

I can't believe people are still going on about the child getting there by herself.

It's one thing to stick a child on a plane (or train or whatever) and say stay on this until the other end, where you will be met by X. And have people on said plane/train/whatever know that this child is alone and keep an eye on them.

It is another thing altogether to send a 13 yr old child the length of great britain, with luggage, and a list of places she will have to change transport! It is mind boggling that anyone could think that's a reasonable option.

And I would like to say again, that this stepmum is a wonderful person. When we normally hear only bad things about stepmums on mumsnet, it's lovely to read.

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 13:08

i would drive across the country and back for my partner to see his children. i wouldn't consider that a saintly thing to do. if he couldn't drive and there were no flights it's the next logical thing to do is it not? i'm confused.

piprabbit · 08/10/2011 13:11

booyhoo - and wouldn't it be lovely to know that the children's mother was truly moved and grateful? Not that you were asking for gratitude, but that it was freely offered.

booyhoo · 08/10/2011 13:18

it should be the children's father that should be showing the gratitude.

laptopdancer · 08/10/2011 13:25

As a stepmum, Id be really touched if my stepchild's mother acknowledged anything Id done like that. Sadly she never has.

fourkids · 08/10/2011 13:26

booyhoo

For many people it would be the most logical thing to do. I too would do it ...

BUT life isn't that simple. Relationships between the adults in step families can often be tainted by all sorts of insecurities, bitterness, jealousy, general dislike, resentment, the list could go on for pages! I might say, these feelings (where they exist) are often deeply hidden from most people. And you can't EXPECT that all step mums would do that. It is a very long way, she doesn't know OP's DD very well, and many step mums would NOT consider it either reasonable or in any way their 'job' to do this.

And maybe DD's DF is showing gratitude. We don't know.

Anyway, what's so wrong with saying a big public 'thank you' ?