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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that DD's SM is a blooming SAINT?

133 replies

CardyMow · 07/10/2011 17:45

DD's Father had no contact (through choice) with DD until she was 12 years old.

He got back in touch by phone when she turned 12. He came down from Scotland to where we live in Essex in August, with his wife and 2 other dc. His wife drove ALL the way down here, AND all the way back, as DD's father doesn't drive.

We arranged that DD would fly up there as an unaccompanied minor, in the October half term. But that has proved an impossibility, as DD is 13.6yo, and EasyJet only fly unaccompanied minors from 14yo. And there are no other carriers flying from Stansted - I have no transport, getting to and from Heathrow to drop DD off would take 11 hours - and I have an 8mo bf baby that is a bottle refuser.

So, DD's SM is going to DRIVE all the flipping way from Inverness to Colchester to pick up DD, and drive ALL the way back to Inverness on the 20th - 21st October, and then do the same in reverse on the 28th - 29th October.

AIBU to think she must be some kind of bloody SAINT for doing this for her DH (My ex)??? I'm so glad she is doing it though - it's the only way DD will be able to see them before March next year when she turns 14yo!

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/10/2011 19:21

Not from an airport the op can reach.

iamamug · 07/10/2011 19:29

What a lovely woman YANBU!
I believe I am a wonderful SM (of course) but this is truly above and beyond!
handcream sounds an excellent idea if she is horsey and of course a bag full of treats for the car journey.

begonyabampot · 07/10/2011 19:29

Sorry didn't see that, is Essex very far from Heathrow then?

PeelThemWithTheirMetalKnives · 07/10/2011 19:30

She sounds lovely and so do you OP for appreciating her

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2011 19:33

Wouldn't the train be easier?

hocuspontas · 07/10/2011 19:54

I think that getting from Colchester to Inverness involves about 4 changes and takes 10 hours by train!

Northernlurker · 07/10/2011 20:07

OP's daughter won't cope with train due to asd. (And it's a horribly long way)

Original poster

CardyMow · 07/10/2011 23:02

I'm about as far away from Heathrow as it's possible to be in Essex...I live on the far side of Essex almost on the Border with Suffolk.

DD can in no way manage the train.

I wasn't going to be paying for the flights, my Ex (DD's father) was going to pay for them. The very very most I could afford to give gift or petrol-wise is £20-ish.

BA only have a flight from HEATHROW to GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL. The only carrier that flies Stansted to Inverness is EasyJet, and they WON'T ttake an unaccompanied minor under 14yo.

Believe me, DD's SM and I have both been trying to get a flight that does this - but it just doesn't exist, not for all the money in the world. DD cannot manage the train changes - she can't manage to get the correct bus back from the local supermarket on her own - we tried. I had to rescue her.

The reason it takes 11 hours is because I would have to leave my house at 1pm, catch a local bus to the bus station with DD, get on the bus to Heathrow at 2.25pm, which gets to Heathrow at 5.15pm. The return bus to Colchester leaves Heathrow at 7.45pm, and gets back into Colchester at 11.42pm. At which point I am unable to get a local bus back to my home - and would have to wait up to two hours (it being a FRIDAY night) for a taxi back to my house - so actually nearly 12 hours travelling. I'm NOT just making it up - this has been very thoroughly researched.

It's not MY fault I don't drive - I have a disability that bars me from holding a driving license - I have uncontrolled epilepsy, and had to surrender my driving license to the DVLA almost 8 years ago. I don't know anyone with a car that is willing or able to drive me there and back twice in 8 days - I only HAVE one friend that drives, and her car is off the road at the moment as she can't afford to run it.

DD's SM is an absolute star, I will offer as much as I can towards the petrol, and will try to get her some nice choccies too.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 00:24

Hunty don't feel the need to justify yourself, the Spanish Inquisition are never satisified.

SM sounds fabbo and hand cream/bag o treats sounds perfect.

YANBU to a) think she's awesome and b) be surprised at that.

Original poster

CardyMow · 08/10/2011 00:59

The most DD has been away for in the past has been 5 days with her school - she'll be away for 8 days when she goes there. My house will be quiet. I may finally get around to do the painting that is sorely needed in my front room. (As it hasn't been painted in the 7 years I've lived here).

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 01:00

Meh, send her in her underwear, a real test... if SM is as fab as you think she is, your DD will come home with a whole new wardrobe (and shoes for you).

Original poster

CardyMow · 08/10/2011 01:05

When they were down in August - DD did come back from their caravan with a ton of new clothes and 2 new pairs of shoes. Would be more than a bit mean NOT to send clothes up with her...PLUS the last two months they have paid maintenance too! It would be bloody horrid of me to do that, Aldiwhore.

If they hadn't bought her loads of clothes when they were down, then yes, I'd see where you are coming from, but they did, so I will be packing stuff - but how many trousers / tops / jumpers / everything would I need to pack? A full 7 / 8 days worth, or half that and assume they will wash & dry stuff??

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 01:06

ARGH... I was joking! Pmsl.

Whatwillwedo · 08/10/2011 01:32

She sounds like an absolute star:).

You've probably checked this out already, but what about flying her stanstead-prestwick? Her SM would then have a much shorter journey to collect her.

Whatwillwedo · 08/10/2011 01:35

Sorry, that should also say with Ryanair.

mumblejumble · 08/10/2011 02:23

What a lovely woman she is.
Warms my heart [teary and hormonal]

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 08/10/2011 08:01

She sounds wonderful.

Is it awful that I'm thinking she's far too good for your (non visiting, non interested, non maintenance paying) ex?

begonyabampot · 08/10/2011 08:15

sorry, BA fly from Gatwick to Inverness, not from Heathrow. Is there no-one that would drive your daughter to the airport. I would do it for a friend under these circumstances. The SM is being great but that is a hellish drive for anyone.

TandB · 08/10/2011 09:13

Wow. She really is a saint!

Inverness is a bloody nightmare to get to. I have done it by road, train and plane and there are no easy options. Is it worth looking at flying somewhere like Newcastle or Edinburgh? If you could arrange a lift to the airport thenyou could be flexible about times etc if your only criteria was 'get DD as far north as possible'!

Original poster

CardyMow · 08/10/2011 09:28

I CAN'T arrange a lift to the airport though - the ONLY person I know with a car, their car is off the road at the moment as she can't afford to run it. We tried that - but Stansted doesn't seem to do that many BA internal flights - and BA is the only carrier that will take my DD as an unaccompanied minor because she isn't 14yo.

Ryanair don't take unaccompanied minors (under 16yo ) AT ALL.

Given up on flights - Not even any to Prestwick - the SM and I were huffing to each other on the phone yesterday about how we didn't for a moment imagine it would be this difficult to organise!

When DD goes again in the Easter holidays - she will be over 14yo, and will then be able to fly unaccompanied on EasyJet, and it will be a piece of cake to get her from Stansted to Prestwick. For the sake of 6 months, it turned what should be something quite simple to arrange into, well, a total farce! WHAT is going to miraculously happen to how mature or not DD is in 6 months that makes the difference between me being able to stick her on the flight at Stansted at 14yo and to not be able to at 13.6yo???

DD's SM gets the gold award of SM's in my book for being prepared to do this!!!

OP posts:

bebumba · 08/10/2011 09:29

I also live in the back-end of North Essex and often visit friends in the north of Scotland. It's not a cheap option and we have only used it a couple of times but it is possible to get a flight from Norwich airport to Aberdeen. The service is run by BMI and I think Eastern Airlines. I don't know whether they will take minors who are travelling alone. It would be a much shorter drive for your daughters SM. Out of interest there is a train that runs from Aberdeen to Inverness however, I realise that this may not be suitable for your dd. I hope she has a great half-term.

Kayano · 08/10/2011 09:39

Its lovely to see this thread in AIBU and I'm glad it's here!

gallicgirl · 08/10/2011 10:01

Could you do a scrapbook of photos of your daughter for all the years dad has missed? Not in a rubbing-his-nose-in-it kind of way but in a hi-lets-catch-up kind of way? You could leave gaps in it for new photos of DD and dad's family.

Or is that a naff idea?

TartyMcFarty · 08/10/2011 10:02

I have enjoyed this thread in a heart warming way too - my SM is lovely.

I also chortled into my cereal at catchafallingstar digging a hole by picking non-existent nits with the OP, then having to backtrack and concede a graceless YANBU

FabbyChic · 08/10/2011 10:06

11 hours Colchester to Heathrow, get a grip. Takes 2.5 hours on a train from Colchester to Liverpool Street then the underground.

She could have course have gone by train there is no age restriction on trains.

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