to not go with DH to hospital with my sick 11 month old.

[DontTellAnyonebut]

There is a concert tonight, i have to be there to collect the tix and there are 7 people relying on me.

DS had croup treatment two nights ago but now has a temp of 103. He has had two bad episodes already this year 1 an RSV induced bronciolitis and 2 week stay in hospital a couple of months ago. Anyway, i've sent an inept DH to the hospital with him as DS is refusing all drinks etc and is very sleepy/ floppy. His breathing is shallow and has mild recession.

I feel terrible, have i judged it right or should i just call all and cancel their concert and follow DH?

no its biological as well as social

but dads can be primary carers very effectively no doubt about it

"in a 2 parent family, dads are less important" -less important to who? To the children? To the other parent? Or just to you?

You can't make a sweeping statement like that.

Children need loving parents. Who they perceive as 'most important' (if indeed they make a distinction at all??) probably varies many times in a day.

eg. child needs their bike fixing and Dad is suddenly indispensable and the answer to all their problems or child needs help with maths homework and knows that Mum is the wizard with numbers or child needs a hug and reassurance and either parent can be equally as important.

I'd find it odd if either parent chose not to go with their child to hospital for this sort of reason.
One parent staying behind to look after other children is understandable.
If I called ds's dad to say he was Ill and I was taking hin to hospital, he would say "I'll meet you there". He certainly wouldn't think he was less needed, interested, worried due to the fact he has a penis.

Activate- you just can't say fathers are less important than mothers. I'm sure it's true for some, it's not for me, or my son or his father.

You say your dh is inept = 'Having or showing no skill' - so in this case you are stating that he is not as good as you in which has I don't even know why you are asking.
Whatever you did I hope your ds is ok. And IMO I would have said stuff the tickets as ds comes first.

"no its biological as well as social"
Only if a child is reliant on BM, psychologically and emotionally, it's social conditioning.

what rot

the whole fact a child is nurtured and developed in the mother's body and then suckled at the mother's breast is of biological importance and not societal

JeremyVile there are difference areas of import and importance in a child's relationship with a parent - the sick / nurturing role is more often than not the mother-child relationship where the importance lies

my partner and I parent quite happily together we both are more or less important in different facets of our childrens' lives at different ages which is why 2 parents is ideal

My dh was in hospital last night with three year old ds and although i felt awful for ds it made no difference and dh was fine as well. apart from cuddles, toileting and answering questions i am not sure what skills are required. i would have gone but am bf our 7m old.

I think it depends on the family. If the child would be bereft if nobody but the mother was there, then she should go to the hospital first off rather than joining them later. If the parents were a bit more interchangeable (as they are in our house), then frankly it wouldn't be the end of the world and mum could whizz off, get the tickets, drop them off and then head to the hospital asap after that. If the child was very ill that evening, it might be a good idea for one parent to stay with them while the other goes to the concert, just so they don't feel abandoned. Again, which parent this is depends on how the parents share care normally.

Don'tTellAnyone hope your little one is feeling better today.

The only time I take precedence is in working out what medicine to give kids from my extensive home pharmacy, and how to dress damaged limbs. That's only because I am more confident as a result of doing it more often.

"in a 2 parent family, dads are less important" You are wrong - don't take your lack of respect for your children's father and extrapolate for the whole of society.

Some dad's are less important. Some mum's are less important (indeed, completely feffing useless and ineffectual).

Some people are intelligent. Some are stupid and spout nonsense as the truth.

OP - hope your little one is on the mend.

Quite

my partner and I parent quite happily together we both are more or less important in different facets of our childrens' lives at different ages

Right. So why write something as contentious as "but yes in a 2 parent family dads are less important" - retract it if you like, but what you wrote is utter nonsense. And, frankly, offensive to a huge number of fathers out there who play a key role in raising their children, just like the mums out there.

no notabankersmum - you wrote it even though it "wasn't a view you share" and I responded to your post and I don't retract it just because I commented about my own parenting experience which spans wider age ranges than the bulk of Mners so a wider experience of the swings of parenting influence including the lack of influence of either parent

I believe it's representative of a wide tranch of society that I come into contact with through my work - women are mainly the signatories on applications to schools, and the decision makers with regards to health, medical or CAHMS, it is more usual for the mother to be completing DLA and to research health and SN and look for support - far more usual than fathers. In single parent families it is far more usual for the father to be absent / estranged than the mother.