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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go with DH to hospital with my sick 11 month old.

91 replies

DontTellAnyonebut · 07/10/2011 14:25

There is a concert tonight, i have to be there to collect the tix and there are 7 people relying on me.

DS had croup treatment two nights ago but now has a temp of 103. He has had two bad episodes already this year 1 an RSV induced bronciolitis and 2 week stay in hospital a couple of months ago. Anyway, i've sent an inept DH to the hospital with him as DS is refusing all drinks etc and is very sleepy/ floppy. His breathing is shallow and has mild recession.

I feel terrible, have i judged it right or should i just call all and cancel their concert and follow DH?

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 14:53

'If it was the other way round and child was with mum, no one would bat an eyelid at dad not being there'

That may be how it is for you, yippee, but that's not how it is in my family when an infant or child's symptoms give cause for extreme concern.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 07/10/2011 14:55

If you really can't give your card to someone else, can you not pop down to the concert, collect the tickets for your friends and then get back to the hospital? You could pick up tickets as soon as the box office opens...?

fedupandtired · 07/10/2011 14:55

Nope, no medical knowledge whatsoever (unless you include what I've learnt from Dr Google!).

Haven't a clue whether 103 is high or not mainly because I don't own a thermometer.

libelulle · 07/10/2011 14:59

re temperature - its no indicator of anything much. I've taken baby dcs in to gp with temps of 40 and been sent home with paracetamol, or with temps of 38 and been sent straight to a and e.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 07/10/2011 15:00

You're doing the right thing going to get the tickets then the hospital. Won't have to worry then. Hope all gies wellGrin

weblette · 07/10/2011 15:02

When ds2 had repeated bouts of bronchiolitis and wheeze and needed hospitalisation several one of us would take him so the other could sort out other stuff and bring clothes/bag to the hospital later.

Bit Hmm at you describing your dh as inept though...

Sleepwhenidie · 07/10/2011 15:09

I agree with izzywhizzy, if I was the one taking sick dc to hospital while DH stayed at home for the op's reason I would be Angry It is nothing to do with mum or dad being best/responsible. If DH was looking after other DC's, or away at work then that is a different situation to the one the op is describing.

I agree only one parent is absolutely necessary at hospital, but I would have thought concern and wish to be with dc when sick ( I also agree they generally want their mum too) would easily take priority over concert, which could surely be sorted anyway?

SnakeOnCrack · 07/10/2011 15:10

The baby is with his father, at the hospital.. it's not as if she's left him on his own whilst she goes to a concert.

OP I think collecting the tickets and then getting a mate to meet you at at the venue immediately to collect them or at the hospital to collect them is the best option, unless you hear from your husband before that to say he is seriously ill?

loveglove · 07/10/2011 15:11

*Follow DH to hospital NOW

And then delegate by sendin him on to collect tickets/meet friends or call one of the 7 and the box office (if that's where your collecting the tickets from) and explain why you can't be there in person.*

Why is it ok to send dad away in this scenario?

Ephiny · 07/10/2011 15:13

Yes don't see how it's any better to send the dad for the tickets than for the OP to get them herself. Still exactly the same situation of only one parent being there! Or are dads less important?

CroissantNeuf · 07/10/2011 15:16

Presumably OP is the one who bought the tickets on her credit card so needs to show it in order to collect the tickets??

If so surely she could do this on the way to the hospital (as the child is with their father and being seen to) or drop the credit card off with a friend who could collect the tickets.

The important thing here is that the child is getting appropriate medical care and attention.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 15:36

Nitpicking or what?

Rightly or wrongly, I have assumed that the OP's 11m old infant is still deriving sustenance or comfort from the breast.

It therefore seemed to me that 'inept dh' would be most suited to collecting tickets as, although the infant is 'refusing all drinks' he may want to suckle at some point during the next few hours.

In any event, had the father of my infant been at home with me when our baby displayed the symptoms stated by the OP, we would have both travelled to the hospital - one of us driving, and the other keeping their eyes firmly fixed on our baby.

thisisyesterday · 07/10/2011 16:00

yanbu at all/

your ds is with his dad, it's fine!

valiumredhead · 07/10/2011 16:20

I have no idea to be honest what is reasonable but 103 not high? Really? Confused

4madboys · 07/10/2011 16:39

103 is highish, mine have had temps of 104 and temps can go up and down very quickly in a young child, you are right to be getting him checked out.

not unreasonable just to send him with his dad, when one of mine is ill and needs dr or hospital either I or dp go, not both of us as we have four other children and we cant drag them all along with us!

ds1 was ill last year and ended up being admitted for an emergeancy operation, dp took him and stayed with him overnight whilst i stayed at home with the other four.

as long as your dh keeps in contact with you and you can get there if you need to/or it would make you feel happier, then carry on with your plans xx

and i hope you little one is better soon.

activate · 07/10/2011 16:41

Mine reached 40 to 41 quickly as small children

We just medicated them with ibuprofen and paracetomal, stripped them off, gave them fluids or ice pops

but I'd have sought medical help if he won't drink for 12 hours and is sleepy / floppy

and if his dad went fine

activate · 07/10/2011 16:43

103 is only 39 - I'd say that generally that was quite a normal viral temp and wouldn't be concerned to be honest

  • but the other symptoms are worth being concerned about and doc is right place
4madboys · 07/10/2011 16:47

yes its the lack of fluid that is the issue, ice pops etc are a good idea, or use a syringe to give them 10-15ml of fluid every 15mins or so to keep them dehydrated :)

rosycheeksandasmile · 07/10/2011 22:39

Sorry I think you are BU - definitely should be there with your child

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 07/10/2011 22:44

YANBU as your dc has one parent with them.

If it was me though, I'd want to be there myself.

notabankersmum · 07/10/2011 22:49

Or are dads less important?

I'll probably get shot for saying this... but:

I'm coming to the conclusion the more I hang around here that some posters genuinely see it like that. They may protest that they don't, but their actions/advice say otherwise.

Parents need mums and dads, and loving families whatever their makeup - no one is by default better or worse to care for a child purely based on their label IMHO.

[shrug]

notabankersmum · 07/10/2011 22:51

Pressed post too soon.

By the above I meant in a general sense, I'm not talking about specific posters on here - just in general from some of the posts I've seen here lately. Of course in this particular case a good many posters are pointing out the use of the word "inept" to describe the OP's husband, etc., which somewhat negates the accusations of double standard parenting for mums vs. dads.

In this particular case, that is. Not all.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 07/10/2011 22:57

The important thing is that the baby is being treated and is with a known carer i.e. dad.

I always go with mine but they would be just as happy with their Dad. I cant let go though and always insist on going even when it was a bit daft of me to (heavily prg, hospital phobia). Big back story though.

We nearly always have to have someone at home for the other DCs though. I dont know what we would do if we didnt have DCs at home. I think OH would still stay at home while I went. Not much point in both losing sleep is there? One can rest the next day and the other do the caring.

Hope your DC gets well very quickly.

Trills · 07/10/2011 22:59

mollymole how exactly is the OP putting tickets before the health of her child?

Said child is at hospital with a parent. What will a second parent do that will affect the child's health?

TimmyTimeRules · 07/10/2011 23:00

The last 3 times any of my children have been to hospital and stayed in it has been their Dad who has taken them and stayed with them.
We worked on the theory that until we knew exactly what was wrong with them and what treatment was required it didn't need both of us to be there (plus on one occasion I was heavily pregnant and the other two times we had other children who needed looking after as well).

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