AIBU or is DP

[yippeekaiyay]

I work ft

DP is currently out of work, and as such is a 'SAHD' - he does the school runs, the house work, the cooking etc.

Well, that is in theory. He does the downstairs only, minus the downstairs bathroom and refuses to take any part in the clothes washing.

This morning i got up for work to him gettin at me for one thing after another. First it was about not being on top of the washing, 2nd was for not washing a pan I used last night (to cook a lasagne for this evening at 10pm last night) 3rd was for the fact there was not a clean towel in the bathroom and 4th was for taking a pack of crumpets to work with me earlier in the week for me breakfasts as I don't normally get time to eat before I leave......

I got really pee'd off with him. Its not like I get in and sit on my arse all evening. I come home, normally help him with dinner, wash the dishes, make packed lunches for ds and I for the next day, iron school uniform and work clothes for the next day, bath ds, do homework with ds, read a story and do bet time with ds plus other random stuff that I need to do

I often don't sit down until 10pm or later. I work 40 hours per week.

Fair enough he looks after a lot in the house and the childcare, but inbetween this he goes to the gym (a lot) I never get any time to do things like go for a run or to the gym

I was so cross this morning with his attitude towards my not having done the things he has (in his head) assigned as 'my jobs'

AIBU or is he?

Has he decided he wants to be a SAHD? or is he still looking for work? If he is actively looking for work then I can understand why he doesn't do housework during the day. Also, if he has had this situation thrust upon him by losing his job then it must be difficult for him to adjust. However, that does not excuse the having a go at you for not doing everything. His attitude is definately very unreasonable.

I agree that you really need to have a (calm) conversation with him.

Does he go to the gym every day the DCs are at school? Thats a bit obsessive!

I'm sorry but if you won't discuss the situation with him because you're afraid of an argument then you're just going to have to put up with the fact that nothing much is likely to change. Of course you need to talk. You need to try to stay calm when talking and not get into an argument. If you need to break off talks for one or both of you to calm down - fine. Then you need to go back to talking again later. If you won't talk, then you just have to accept the current situation.

Um, he's not depressed. He might be fed up and wish he had a job, but that is NOT the same as being depressed. If he was depressed he would have NO energy or interest in doing anything, and feel his existence was futile, let alone get up and go to the gym.

I take the view that the total work in the household (in and outside the home) should be done on a 50/50 basis.

We both work fulltime and divide the household stuff fairly evenly. When I have a deadline and am working 14 hrs a day, he steps up and does more at home. It's a fair way to manage things that should mean you both get an equal amount of leisure time.

It doesn't sound like there is a fair balance in the OP's household.