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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advise please.

99 replies

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 11:28

Firstly, yes I am crap at spelling and grammar so please try not to nit pick.

Here is the situation so I will try and keep it brief.

Ex and I have a bad relationship but in the middle is our DS now aged 6. I was contact by Ex Sis who wants some very personal details of mine in order to get my DS passport. But I am not registered on his birth certificate as his dad? (to try and not filter info my ex registered the birth behind my back whilst I was at work.. still not sure why).
As I am uncomfortable about giving out my personal details to someone I do not like or get on with I have suggested they pass on all their details and I will get the passport sorted.

AIBU?

Thanks all.

OP posts:

TipOfTheSlung · 07/10/2011 13:15

Maybe the ex does remember them but her sister is doing this (creditcar/whatever) secretly from her too

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 13:22

If Roger is deceased, it begs the question of how he managed to co-operate and provide his details for his ds's 'trip of a lifetime' from beyond the grave? Or did your ex have 2 ds with Roger, one of whom od'd?

Whatever, I'm wondering if you have a bargaining chip here that can be used to get your ds's birth re-registered with your name on his re-issued birth cert.

This can be done by both parents presenting at the Registry Office where the birth was first registered (make a prior appointment), or by completion of a Statutory Declaration of Acknowledgement of Parentage form.

If your ex is not willing to co-operate, contact the Chief Clerk of any County or Magistrates Court and ask how you can obtain a Declaration of Parentage which will order your name to be shown on ds's birth cert which will give you equal parental responsibility.

Alternatively, as previously advised, take advantage of a half hour's free consultation with a family law solicitor at your earliest opportunity.

domesticdiva · 07/10/2011 13:33

Your details may not be needed on the passport application MrSpoc, but are you sure this is not just your Ex trying to make amends with you not being on the birth certificate? Plus, if you knew your Ex registered the birth without you, why did you not look to rectify this?

Your name can be put on the application (and passport number), this all helps with ID security for the applicant (your DS) later in life. It is not a formal requirment, and your name will not obviously appear on DS's passport.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 13:36

thanks izzy. i didnt realise you could change the birth certificate.

To confirm, Roger gave his details (apparently) a few years ago (before he died)in order for her son to go away on a weeks holiday with her sister.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 13:38

I'm sure he did.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 13:42

domesticdiva - as the birth certificate is a legal document i never new you could change it until izzy has advised me. Even then i doubt i could as i am not recognised as his father legally and if the Ex wishes me not to i am sure her rights will over ride mine.

also the details sought go into more detail then what passport forms require.

OP posts:

latenightmum · 07/10/2011 13:52

IMO I think they need those details so they can apply for a couple of your Birth Certificate which they would need to apply for Australian residency. They also need to apply for an Australian Tourist Visa for your son which may have extra requirements.

Perhaps financial CSA contribution counts in Australian law. Or could it be that your ex retrospectively added you to the birth certificate after you argued.

I would offer to meet the grandparents with the forms and see your son after so everyone stays nice and this gets sorted.

RedHelenB · 07/10/2011 13:54

Maybe I'm being thick, but surely a passport has to be applied for by a parent (mum or dad) not an aunt???

domesticdiva · 07/10/2011 13:57

I know its along while ago, but when a baby is born the attending midwife complete a pre-registration form, often detailing whomever attended with the mother. If you are on this form i.e attended the birth, then you have good legal standing in getting your name on the birth certificate. You receive two documents, one which is handed over at the actual formal registration and the other a copy for your records.

Could you give specifics as to exactly what information your ExSil requires? First passports do require indepth information, since they are a lifelong form of ID. Hope this helps

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 14:09

First passports do not require any indepth information about the child's father if he is NOT named on the birth certificate; it therefore follows that where a child's father is not named on the birth certificate, his details are not required for any visa applied for on behalf of the child.

Evidence of attending the birth of his dc will not be sufficient for a father who is not married to the mother to be named on his child's birth certificate without the mother's consent.

Similarly, the mother of a child who's father has not been named on the birth certificate cannot subsequently apply to add the father's name unless he attends the Registry Office with her and/completes the necessary Statutory Declaration.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 14:20

Mr Spoc I suggest you put it to your ex that you will be willing to provide the information she has asked for providing she makes the necessary Statutory Declaration or goes to the relevant Registry Office with you to have your name added to your ds's birth cert.

If your name is added to your ds's birth cert, come back here before providing any 'in depth' info to your ex.

If she does not agree, please see a solicitor or ask the Clerk of your nearest Court to tell you what you need to provide to apply for a Statutory Delaration of Parentage - it may be that, in this instance, your CSA payments will be sufficient to support your application.

I would also suggest that you organise a DNA test for yourself and ds - not because of any doubt about parentage, but because it may be difficult to establish that you are the child's father if he is taken out of the UK for any length of time over and above the forthcoming alleged month long holiday in Oz.

You can buy a DNA test kit online and, as it only involves a mouth swab, you can make this into a game with ds - you swab your mouth, he does his.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 14:22

'who's father'? whose father

Original poster

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 14:34

thanks Izzy.

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 07/10/2011 14:36

"you do not need the details as i am not on the birth certificate"
"you do not need the details as i am not on the birth certificate"
"you do not need the details as i am not on the birth certificate"
"you do not need the details as i am not on the birth certificate"
"you do not need the details as i am not on the birth certificate"

you get the drift?

and DO NOT give out mothers maiden name as unless you are 100% sure what it is for. hope they are not planning to apply for a loan in your name or anything.

domesticdiva · 07/10/2011 14:36

I would start arguing some of your points Izzy, but frankly, it ain't my job anymore, thank goodness!!

MrSpoc, agree with Redhelen, why is your ExSIL completing the application? Is she completing it on your Ex's behalf?

Original poster

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 14:42

yes

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 07/10/2011 14:46

go and get legal advise about getting yourself parental responsibility.

Xiaoxiong · 07/10/2011 15:05

Since you don't seem to like PrimaBallerina's suggestion up the thread, and they won't send you the form half filled out, why don't you get the form, fill out everything you can, then send it to her to fill out the rest?

Then she can't say "oh we still need this or that piece of info" because you sat there with the form and know that info isn't needed.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 15:05

In this specific case, although the form may be completed by another party, only the parent who is named on the birth certificate (namely MrSpoc's ex) can sign the application.

There is nothing unusual about application forms being filled out by parties other than the applicants but obviously it is not usual for anyone other than the applicant to sign them without good reason.

Argue away, dd, I'm always looking to learn.

Xiaoxiong · 07/10/2011 15:38

Ok, in that case even better - send it to her half filled out with no signature - she can fill out the rest, sign it and send it off.

Xiaoxiong · 07/10/2011 15:39

Oh sorry izzy, just realised that your post wasn't directed at me.

Xales · 07/10/2011 15:50

I think you have made a very reasonable offer to complete your details and send on the passport.

Stop getting in to silly FB arguments. You know they will only print them or show others them as an example of how rude and obnoxious you are where as they phone you to swear at you leaving no paper trail.

Just continue to repeat your offer over and over ad nauseum (spelling). Don't get drawn into debates/arguments.

Definitely don't give them this information!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 15:54

No, it wasn't directed at you, and I didn't think your response was directed at me Tyel

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 15:55

Should have added 'no apology needed' Tyel.

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