Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise please.

99 replies

MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 11:28

Firstly, yes I am crap at spelling and grammar so please try not to nit pick.

Here is the situation so I will try and keep it brief.

Ex and I have a bad relationship but in the middle is our DS now aged 6. I was contact by Ex Sis who wants some very personal details of mine in order to get my DS passport. But I am not registered on his birth certificate as his dad? (to try and not filter info my ex registered the birth behind my back whilst I was at work.. still not sure why).
As I am uncomfortable about giving out my personal details to someone I do not like or get on with I have suggested they pass on all their details and I will get the passport sorted.

AIBU?

Thanks all.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/10/2011 12:15

What izzy said.

And you do need to at least consider PR. What if anything happened to your ex - who would look after your son? Or if she did decide to do a runner? Would you be content to never see your son again?

TheVermiciousKnid · 07/10/2011 12:16

Once i pointed this out they were adament that they still needed my details for the passport.

In that case, I would ring the passport office to confirm. I've always found them very helpful.

Hungrydragon · 07/10/2011 12:17

If I had the details your ex sil was requesting I could quite easily use them for nefarious purposes, they should not be required to set up a passport for your son.

UANBU to want to with hold the details, they are not required.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:18

I will look into PR.

Honestly i doubt she would bog off over sea's as one she does not work. two she has a great life and lives in a beautiful part of the world. 3 she has a massive set of friends.

Obviously i could be worng.

I do have the messages i could post from her and her sister and take out the private parts. would this help?

OP posts:
screamqueenrollo · 07/10/2011 12:21

1/ i applied for my passport. While my father is named on my birth certificate i didn't know his DOB. I phoned the passport office and they said not to worry, and in fact to leave him off altogether if i wanted.

2/ i have a passport form in front of me.....right now....and it does not request father's maiden name.

3/ as others have pointed out you are not named on his BC, therefore they don't need your details at all.

booyhoo · 07/10/2011 12:22

are the messages telling us any more than you have already told us here? if not, dont post them.

slavetofilofax · 07/10/2011 12:23

They definatley don't need your deatils for the passport. Of course they don't, do they expect that every child with an absent Father can't have a passport? Hmm

I renewed ds's passport a couple of months ago and did the check and send thing at the post office. My ds's Dad is on the birth certificate, but they still just told me to leave it blank.

I would have filled it in as I have a very good relationship with my ex, I was just trying to get it done in a hurry and figured that there was no point in asking him if I didn't absolutely have to.

Just tell them to bog off. They have no valid reason to ask for your details, you are not obliged to give details they don't need, and if it really is all about getting your ds a passport, then you know they can go ahead and do it anyway.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 12:23

There's no need for you to waste time or money phoning the Passport Office - as you are not registered on your son's birth certificate, your details are NOT required for a passport application for him.

Purely curiousity on my part, but I would like to see the gist of the correspondence you've received from ex and her dsis on this matter.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:24

Thanks everyone you have all confirmed my thoughts.

Just ashame that things always seem to go the same way when relationships break down.

OP posts:
wellwisher · 07/10/2011 12:27

It would be good to see exactly what they've asked for but I think it's already fairly clear they are up to no good and you shouldn't give them any info. I think people meant the your ex's sister could take out the loan/credit card whatever in your name before she emigrates, not that your ex will do it.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/10/2011 12:27

They're up to something, aren't they? And I suspect whatever they're up to comes under the general heading of 'no good' which doesn't bode well for you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/10/2011 12:28

It might also be worth getting a statutory credit check on yourself, just to be sure that all the loans/cards listed against you are ones you are actually aware of! It costs £2 and can be done for you by Experian or Equifax. Just to make sure no identity theft has already taken place or been attempted.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:30

If it helps Izzy.

Hi MrSpoc
Any chance u could get in contact with my sister as she needs few details off you, in order to get DS passport sorted for holiday next year ???

ME - not sure why she needs to details. I am not registered on DS passport. you can get the passport with out my details.

EX - No I can't, she had to do the same with roger for (her other son)! If u look on a passport it asks for mother and fathers passport details, I don't have a passport, meaning it's important he has yours, sorry to be a pain in the arse I know it sounds dodgy but ask anybody! It's a fact cos he's so young x

ME - you dont need my details because i am not on his birth certificate. It is a fact I have checked up with CAB. i could be any random person trying to claim a passport for him.

EX - Well if are not going to co-operate with me and DSIS we have no choice but to write to the CSA and the passport agency to get the details for DS passport! My parents are planning on taking him on a once in a lifetime trip to Australia for a month and DS is very excited about this, imagine his face when I tell him he can't go cos you won't give me the correct info for his passport!! Roger might have been a cock at times but at least he co-operated and gave us his details... It's up to you?

ME - fuck off EX. I have checked. this is your own fault for not putting me on his birth certificate.
What do you think csa will do exactly? Nothing they cannot force anyone to hand over passport detail. This is a safe guard by the government to stop parents fucking off overseas kidnapping their own kids.
Now feel free to send me all your details and DS and I will fill in the passport on his behalf.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/10/2011 12:37

is she saying that because she has no passport they have to have your details? what if you also had no passport? what would they expect on teh application form then? she is talking a load of balls TBH. sont give them any details.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 07/10/2011 12:40

I am a bit confused, how can Roger be her other son and a cock and co-operate and give details.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:41

ExSis posted something on Fbook about me being a bad dad because I would not provide my personal details. So I replied to her private message below.

Me - Thanks for trying to embarrass me by putting personal details on my wall but I think you have got the wrong end of the stick.

Im not sure what your sister has told you but you do not need any of my personal details for DS passport. The reason why you do not need them is because I am not on DS birth certificate. Your sister went behind my back whilst I was out at work and registered his birth details without me. This is one of many reasons why we are no longer together. Because I am not on his birth certificate you do not require any of my details.

I hope this clears things up for you and you get his passport sorted.

I then received a phone call by her sis shouting at me and saying that her sister did not go behind my back because she went with her and I could not go as I was in the Army. (which I was not I had left long before that). I messaged her back after she hung up and wrote.

ME - DONT EVER TRY AND FUCKING RING ME AGAIN. This has nothing to do with you so stay out of it.
Just to show you up as a liar. I left the army in 2004. DS was born in 2005. I was in (Same house) when your sister fucked off to register the birth certificate without me. Not sure why she did this but she was always a sly one. (and you were not with her).
Now take a real look at the birth certificate where it asks about fathers details. Mine are not on there because it is now illegal to put it down without the father present unless you are married.
Now to settle things amicably (if we could). Send me all the details and I promise I will get it filled in and processed.
Now thats not hard is it.

Yes these messages are childish but I keep getting dragged in to them.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/10/2011 12:43

Just ashame that things always seem to go the same way when relationships break down.

Not they don't always "go the same". Plenty of people manage to maintain perfectly reasonable relationships with their ex. You're not going to read as many posts about that on sites like this, because there isn't much point in posting a thread entitled "AIBU to think my child's father is a jolly decent sort who cares for his child and gives me plenty of maintenance".

wrt parents' passport details - I don't think you do need those on a passport application. What about children whose parents don't have passports? They are still able to go abroad on school trips, for example.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:43

Sorry Rips Roger is her Ex. He had one son with her (he died after having an overdose on smack) i then brought up her other son as my own from 9 months. (as soon as we split i was told i had no part in his life. this did really upset both me and her other son).

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/10/2011 12:44

roger is the father of her other son.

booyhoo · 07/10/2011 12:48

i agree mrspoc, those messages are childish and you aren't doing yourself any favours by responding to them or swearing. save your energy (because it does use a lot of energy to be stressing about people like that) and put it into biting your tongue. as hard as it is, because we all feel we should defend ourselves when being publicly embarssed like that, but you really should rise above it. you will get to a point where it all goes over your head and you see them for how childish they are being. you will feel better for not getting dragged into it.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/10/2011 12:49

Yes these messages are childish but I keep getting dragged in to them.

Yes they are. And stop. All this crap playing out of Facebook - it's hardly the adult way to conduct your business and if you respond, you're little better than your ex and her sister.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 12:55

i agree. my stuff, posts and messages are all done through private messages. the only reason i have FBook is to keep in contact with Ex mates from my regiment.

OP posts:
grograg · 07/10/2011 12:56

How long were you together? How can she not know your DOB, where you grew up or mothers maiden name Confused

Original poster
MrSpoc · 07/10/2011 13:07

we were together for 4 years. We went to the same school etc. Not sure why she does not remember these details but i still remember all hers.

This was our problam. I was besotted and head over heels for her where as she just seen me as a dad for her first born.

OP posts:
TandB · 07/10/2011 13:13

Just keep repeating the same message - you don't need my details for the passport and even if you did, the details you are asking for are not necessary.

If it genuinely is about a passport then sooner or later they will look into it properly, find out you are right and get on with it.

And the Facebook stuff makes you look as bad as them - keep private stuff private for goodness sake.

Swipe left for the next trending thread