to consider upping my working days to get a "rest"

[pamelat]

..... from my very loved, but very exhausting, 3 and 1 year old.

I work 3 days a week. Unfortunately we don't have family childcare so they go to nursery on those days, which is expensive. They love it though. I am fortunate that I do earn some money once the childcare is paid out but not a lot, it covers the childcare and about £40 extra a day.

At nursery my children are apparently angelic. They eat and they don't whine.

I have Thurs and Fri "off" work and find that each week I find myself longing to be at work. They moan, whine, argue with me (the 3 year old), refuse to eat (the 1 year old). My 1 year old (DS - 16 months) wants to be carried if we stay at home or wants to run away from me if we go out. We normally go out so I find myself with an escapee. I feel he's still too young to be left to get on with it, ie) in soft play etc so I follow him around, with my 3 year old (nearly 4 DD) then upset because I'm not with her - I can't win?

If we stay in, its worse. DD (3) would happily chill, watch tele, cut and stick etc but DS is a nighmare constrained in the house.

I love them with all my heart and enjoyed a years maternity leave with each of them but now I am back at work, it is by far the easier option emotionally.

I dont want to turn this in to a huge working mum versus SAHM but I wondered if I am a complete and utter cow to be considering a 4 or even 3.5 day working week to just buy myself more space?!!

choceyes that is exactly how I feel

Sorry for the delay only just reread this thread, didn't realise anyone had posted back on it since I was last here.

petisa yes I feel like I am rubbish at it. They are only awful when its me. Even with DH they are good/better. I walk in to the room and they cry, arms go up but then i pick DS up immediately so its mu "fault" but I think thats he so very young and DD was like this and I carried her around/put up with it and now shes largely fine. I don't think you can parent in a way that isnt what comes natural to you, at least not instintively. Does that make sense?

I have an MA end of course exam next week and I dont want to use it as a cop out but i think the stress of it, not huge but there, is not helping in coping with the kids.

I had my 14 months off, had DS every day and DD 4 days a week and it was hard but yes, maybe I now find it harder.

I'll take from this thread (thanks) that I try to cram too much in. I know I do but its hard to change that. I find it hard to be in the house for a long period, ie) an afternoon with the children as its whiney/messy/claustophic (for me) and maybe thats something I need to work on?

I'm going to stick at my 3 days because as soon as thurs and fri are over I feel ok about it!! Its just they come round again

I love my children and want to enjoy my time with them but a whole day is a long time, sorry!! I will always love them but an hour off (not an option) would be nice on a thurs or fri.

For me, work is the easier option and its there and its tempting. I will re-think re 4 days at Xmas.

OK. I think - and this is entirely from my own experience - that four days a week, and one 'grit your teeth and get through it because frankly ALL three year olds are mad as snakes and make you want to throw yourself out of the window' day - is a good compromise. That's what I had.

Can I just add that parenting goes on and on and on, and yes this bit is very very wearing, it will almost certainly get better (if your kids are NT). Mine are now 10 and eight, and they are making a cake at the moment ON THEIR OWN and the distant days of tooth-gritting and longing window-contemplation are but a horrid memory .

At your stage I once posted a thread entitled 'AIBU to feel as if I am swimming uphill through custard'...

You must have an extremely easy work job. If you want to then go for it

and trust me there will be days when ALL the children at a nursery at one time or another will drive the staff bonkers but they will be professional and never show it. You just have to get on with it and understand they are just children

a whole day is a long time wtf? You cannot be serious. What exactly do you expect??

I put dd3 into an extra day's childcare and added another day to work when she was 3.5, cos she just seemed to be moaning all day at me on our day off together. She was happy enough, and I got a nice easier day at work. I'm very fond of dd3, my cherished baby, but 3 year olds are very hard work. Also all 3 of mine at that age seemed to only really want to hang out with other kids, they didn't seem to really appreciate quality time 1-1 with me at that age. They do now they're older, they did as babies, but as 3yos, they seemed th thrive most in groups of other 3 year olds.

So it is too hard for you to handle a "whining" 3 year old plus one younger child, but you expect a nursery nurse, who has no emotional investment in any of the children and is quite possibly on the mimimum wage, to handle four 3 years olds together, and presumably expect her/him to give them a good quality experience all day. Nice.

OK, Peekachoo, you've made it very clear that you disapprove of parents - or is it just mothers? - putting their children into childcare, and that we should Make An Effort....

And fwiw I think a day with a three year old is a bit like dog years: it stretches ahead, in the manner of a penitentiary sentence.

I think parents are deluded if they think all their children are 'angelic' when in settings. Of course at times they get whiny, demanding, follow you round asking questions, saying the same things again, clingy etc. All of them do at some point when they are in seeting 8/10 hours a day. Of course they do they are little children and its a long time for them, they are ot beig naughty its just what kids do.

I have nothing against childcare, obviously as I work in it and my children have gone since babies, but nursery workers dont just go in to work with all the children sitting like angels with out it being difficult. However that is children for you imo.