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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider upping my working days to get a "rest"

85 replies

pamelat · 06/10/2011 19:37

..... from my very loved, but very exhausting, 3 and 1 year old.

I work 3 days a week. Unfortunately we don't have family childcare so they go to nursery on those days, which is expensive. They love it though. I am fortunate that I do earn some money once the childcare is paid out but not a lot, it covers the childcare and about £40 extra a day.

At nursery my children are apparently angelic. They eat and they don't whine.

I have Thurs and Fri "off" work and find that each week I find myself longing to be at work. They moan, whine, argue with me (the 3 year old), refuse to eat (the 1 year old). My 1 year old (DS - 16 months) wants to be carried if we stay at home or wants to run away from me if we go out. We normally go out so I find myself with an escapee. I feel he's still too young to be left to get on with it, ie) in soft play etc so I follow him around, with my 3 year old (nearly 4 DD) then upset because I'm not with her - I can't win?

If we stay in, its worse. DD (3) would happily chill, watch tele, cut and stick etc but DS is a nighmare constrained in the house.

I love them with all my heart and enjoyed a years maternity leave with each of them but now I am back at work, it is by far the easier option emotionally.

I dont want to turn this in to a huge working mum versus SAHM but I wondered if I am a complete and utter cow to be considering a 4 or even 3.5 day working week to just buy myself more space?!!

OP posts:

jamaisjedors · 06/10/2011 20:35

Sorry lingdilong !

SootySweepandSue · 06/10/2011 20:41

I would try to keep your days off as simple as possible with the kids. Think big parks, lots of running around, etc. I know a few boys that age that sound very similar and the 'get them tired out' plan does seem to work.

I also think, as another poster suggested, that your DH should take the reins one day at the weekend. Could he do Sunday morning swimming for example? And make it a routine every Sunday?

Kids at that age are so hard as they change so much. I do think that it can be easier to look after kids if you are stuck with them 24/7 as then you are perfectly aware of all their madness and quirks. Kids in their home environments will always play up more it's just natural.

Also do not worry about refusing food. I'm no expert at all but my DD (13 months) has in the last week refused bread, spaghetti hoops and fish fingers. Now I know kids eats tons of those things (there are bloody rows of spaghetti hoops in sainsburys!) so she's just being fickle! Just try to see the funny side and fill him up on whatever he wants. It's just a phase.

ZombieWhirl · 06/10/2011 20:51

Hi Pamelat, I work three days and have a 15mth ds and a four year old ds.

I think you may be suffering from having an active boy after having a girl. You need to take your ds to the playground for at least two hours a day. Sorry about that but it makes everything else so much easier.

Don't worry about the food. Ignore if they eat or not, otherwise it's a weapon to beat you with.

Can't help with DDs' negativity. Girls are whiny in my experience!

Re: Nursery - of COURSE they are angels there. It's at home they get to bitch and moan. I'd let them get out their system. Home is where people love you even if you are a little beast.

What works for me is headspace, It's going to the gym even if the world is falling in (one at work). It's watching movies on my phone on the way into work, it's DH taking the rascals to the park at weekends and I get some time alone.

Also a session in a floatarium might help. very relaxing!

Sunflowergirl2011 · 06/10/2011 20:57

Yanbu. I have 2childremn the same ages as yours, I work one day a week and often refer to it and think of it as my day off! I know not all jobs are like this, but mine is v low stress and at least on working days I get a lunch break!

TandB · 06/10/2011 21:02

I upped my days from part-time to effectively full-time (one day from home) when I was about 2 months pregnant and the morning sickness was kicking in. I could cope better with being at work with the space to go and hang out in the loos for a while if I was feeling sick, than I could at home with DS following me everywhere and asking me what I was doing!

I am only just about to start winding back down again now and to be honest I am wondering if I am going to regret not staying full-time right up to going onto maternity leave - work often involves a lot of running around but you know where you are with grown-ups - with small children you never know how stressful your day is going to be.

MsVestibule · 06/10/2011 21:48

I am a SAHM (not really out of choice, though!) to DD (4) and DD (2). I've found it a fecking nightmare at times and completely understand how you feel. Can't really advise, but look on the bright side - in 12 months, your husband could be a SAHD, and you could increase to full time, entirely guilt free .

Indaba · 06/10/2011 21:49

remember reading interview with a "woman who did it all"

asked how she managed it and she said she LOVED going to work as she got to the toilet with no one trying to get in to the bathroom or shouting through the door to ask if she was doing a wee or a poo and she could eat her whole sandwich without having to share it

BsshBossh · 06/10/2011 22:06

YANBU. If your kids are happy and you are happier to work more then why not? Men never seem to have these issues do they....

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:13

I think there is a massive tendency on Mumsnet for people to stick their children in childcare because, essentially, they don't like spending time with them. And very often if someone posts about finding parenting difficult then bunging them in childcare is proposed as the solution.

I find that quite sad, and quite defeatist too. What about learning some coping strategies instead of paying someone else to do your dirty work?

This isn't directed at you, op, btw. Just a general thing I've noticed. There's very much a perceived mantra on here of "as long as I'm happy then that's the main thing" Shit, if anyone saw that thread from the woman who posted if it was ok for her two year old to not see either of her parents all week in the name of a good career you will know what I mean.

Most of you won't, of course, because as I say there is a huge "me first" mentality on here.

BsshBossh · 07/10/2011 20:22

Goodness isthisweird, generalising much?

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:26

Yes, obviously I'm generalising BsshBossh.

TandB · 07/10/2011 20:27

"I think there is a massive tendency on Mumsnet for people to stick their children in childcare because, essentially, they don't like spending time with them"

Yes. That is what everyone on this thread has said. They don't like spending time with their children.

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:30

That's what it boils down to.

"oooh, I find parenting my kids a challenge"

"don't worry, bung them in childcare and let someone else do it, happy days".

TandB · 07/10/2011 20:34

Life in your world must be very simple and narrow-horizoned if that is all you have managed to deduce from the numerous and regular discussions on this issue.

In any event, you say you weren't directing your comments at the OP, so maybe a more appopriate discussion for one of the many bunfights on this subject.

RandomMess · 07/10/2011 20:36

I worked part time for a few years then took a complete career break. My dcs were angelic for my fantastic childminder.

My dc were much easier and less whiney when I stopped working and I enjoyed them more full time than I had part time.

I now work full time and dh does the nighmate after school shift

I'm only posting with my experience that somehow the dynamics of working part time are very different to full time or not at all, bizarre but true IMHO

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:37

I posted because I don't think the OP should consider that the mainstream view here on mumsnet -essentially that it's ok to put your children in childcare if it makes you, personally, happy -isn't necessarily the response she'd get if she asked a broad spectrum of people outside of MN.

Easy to post here and know you'll get a positive response given just how important people on here believe their needs to be.

Not necessarily so if you ask elsewhere.

Hence me adding these comments in response to her OP.

TandB · 07/10/2011 20:41

Because of course people who post on MN are fundamentally different from anyone else.

lec0rnsillk · 07/10/2011 20:41

don't worry about mum and MIL - if your kids are angelic at nursery that's a very good sign. Grandmothers often remember their own parenting through a rose tinted filter. As for dh... he parents them as well! You need to do what's best for everybody including you - not just what's best for the children.

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:42

face all you like, it's my opinion after being here for 5 years.

OP can choose to listen to it or not, doesn't make a difference to me either way.

lec0rnsillk · 07/10/2011 20:43

isthisweird -you think that parenting is 'dirty work?'
Nice.

TandB · 07/10/2011 20:46

lec0rnsillk - you forgot the face.

Here. Have one of mine.

lec0rnsillk · 07/10/2011 20:46

thanks

TandB · 07/10/2011 20:49

Incidentally, are you trying to be unsearchable or something? I had to practically stick my nose to the screen to try to work out how your username is spelt!

I shall you.

lec0rnsillk · 07/10/2011 20:50

isthisweird · 07/10/2011 20:50

Oh no lecornsilk, I think that a lot of people on mumsnet think of it as dirtywork.

I'm fairly sure it was clear I was talking about the attitude of posters on here.

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