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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to rock my baby to sleep EVERY TIME?!

60 replies

munkeychops · 06/10/2011 16:11

I seem to have got in this position where my 3 and a half month old daughter needs to be walked around and rocked for 10-15mins before every single nap or badetime. The only exeption is when out in pushchair, and then she she drops off. I am quite worried that this is habit forming (well, already formed!) and I need to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. Only problem is, everything I read says CIO shouldn't be used for under 6 months - do people really stick to this? And if so, what other options do I have? Currently, if I don't rock her to sleep she simply won't sleep and gets more and more worked up.

Any sucess stories of cracking this habit would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 06/10/2011 18:07

*how many babies (and parents!) she is making cry.

is what that should say...

northernrock · 06/10/2011 18:08

Ok, here's what I did (at around 4/5 months).

Day one.
7 pm
Bathed baby and did nice relaxing massage, put in sleepsuit.
Switched off light.
Sat in chair with baby in arms (instead of walking around rocking him)
Baby cried. And cried. And cried (But I was holding him, and saying ssshh the whole time)
As soon as baby started getting sleepy and quieted down, I put him gently in his cot, all the while saying "shhh""
Ds cried again, I picked him up, sat in chair with him, but not rocking, while he cried. Repeated ad nauseum until he finally fell asleep in his cot at 11 pm.

Day Two
Same thing but he fell asleep at 10 pm

Day 3
Same again, but then it was 9.30.

It took about six days to be able to put him to bed-bath, feed, little cuddle in the chair then asleep by 8 pm.

Of course I did have to sit in a dark room for 3-4 hours the first couple of nights, and I didn't get my dinner those nights, but it was well worth it.
Its not controlled crying because you are holding the baby the whole time he is crying.

Good Luck

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 18:09

Babies need sleep. Mum's need babies to sleep. If you can find a way of getting your baby to sleep quickly ( and 15 mins is quickly) I am of the opinion that you do whatever it takes Grin

witches Did you ask her to leave? I had to ask a really awful HV to leave - she was vile.

northernrock · 06/10/2011 18:09

I have to say though, my ds needed to be rocked /walked about for about an hour each night, and he was just getting too heavy/I was too knackered!

WitchesBroomForMyChin · 06/10/2011 18:11

Everyone said that yesterday and I wasn't going to at first (because I'm a wimp and hate confrontation) but i'm getting more and more Angry. So think I might mention it to my gp and see what she says. At least you dc goes down after the rocking op and everyone keeps telling me it does get easier Smile

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 18:12

I have done that too northern with babies I have nannied for - my own son was a law unto himself

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 18:14

It DOES get easier and you WILL look back on this time and treasure the cuddles you had with your baby :) looks at great hulking 10 year old on sofa wistfully

Hardgoing · 06/10/2011 18:19

I used to put my LO down to sleep when she was still a bit awake if you see what I mean, so she fell asleep without me rocking her all the time. She never cried, she just used to look about a bit then go to sleep. I know not all babies are the same, but I completely disagree that if you aren't rocking/shushing/feeding your baby to sleep you are engaged in controlled crying. There's not necessarily crying if they are sleepy and ready to go off.

northernrock · 06/10/2011 19:06

I havent read the whole thread but, no, I think there are sort of gradients of crying.
There is a bit of mithering, when they are tired but interference will actually wake them up more, but then there are the babies (like my ds) would would scream and scream when put down, and I had to work quite hard to get him to sleep unaided.
Not all babies will just look around a bit and then nod off, you were v.v.v lucky Hardgoing!

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 19:14

Blimey, dd would have not been a happy bunny had I have put her down and she was happy...otherwise I'd have done so happily. The op is saying her baby won't go down happily hence the advice, no-one is saying that if you don't hold your baby till they sleep then you are doing cc...but of there is crying then you may be!

Witches, I would definitely complain. It is easy to say as it wasn't me, but she would have been out of my front door post haste. Awful.

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 19:16

That makes no sense, had I put her down and she was awake, not happy. I wad trying to say people are just responding to the op's situation.

Original poster
munkeychops · 06/10/2011 19:18

Thanks everyone for their repsonses. I didn't realise there was a difference between CIO and CC - I meant CC actually (as in leaving for 5 mins, 10 mins max at a time. I couldn't bear any longer). I do understand it's only 15 mins (actually more like 30 mins most nights thinking about it, but that's neither here nor there). The reason I asked isn't because I am being lazy and don't want to do it to who said that (although I take on board your comments, and my title may have made it sound that way!). It is literally because of this "rod for your own back" stuff that has got me worried. I just want to do the best by my daughter. I have decided to basically continue doing what I am doing but day by day, gradually try and reduce the soothing (so, maybe rock for a bit walking about and then keep seeing if she will let me sit and hold her etc). I do want to be able to self sooth in the future and think it's an important skill to have. I guess I just don't want to still be rocking her to sleep when she is 9 months or whatever, because I am pretty sure that would be a hard habit to break then.

Thanks again!

OP posts:
OliviaTwist · 06/10/2011 19:26

rod shmod.

DD fed/cuddled to sleep till 27 mo. She is now 35 mo and has just kissed me goodnight, got in bed, lights out asleep within 5 mins.

It is such a short time, they are babies for like 5 minutes in the scheme of things.

Don't stres, carry on!

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 19:47

Trust me, when she gets to 9 months she will still seem like such a baby you won't mind! I look at my 14 month old as she falls asleep in my arms and she is still the tiny thing I gave birth to. I also kind of think that actually the older they are the easier it is to explain what is happening, and you know (well, I think I do anyway) that they know you are there etc so tears don't hurt as much.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 06/10/2011 19:49

I always put ds down awake but around 50 percent of the time he cries and I go and rock him. I'm happy doing that until he's old enough for reward charts etc.

mummylikescava · 06/10/2011 20:08

My DD (now almost 4) had one of those fisher price tropical swings. Was the best piece of equipment we bought.

She went in it every night - probably until about 6 months old or so as it was the only way to "put her down". She was a really cuddly baby and just could not settle on her own.

Has done her no harm at all. She sleeps absolutely fine by herself now.

Dalrymps · 06/10/2011 20:11

Witches Sad you should definitely report her! Call and ask to speak to her superior. In future, just remember, you don't have to do anything a hv tells you. She abused her position of trust and made you do something you were extremely unhappy to do. Not to mention the upset it caused your lo. Please don't let her do this to anyone elseSad

Wormshuffler · 06/10/2011 20:18

Have you tried anything like a musical night light?
I used to find with DD (now aged 12) that if she fell asleep while having last bottle, she wouldnt stay asleep for as long as if she had gone to sleep herself.
With DS we tried to put him in bed whilst awake and with a musical night light and he would sleep much more soundly and for longer too.

buttonmoon78 · 06/10/2011 20:24

Witches - I'm aghast at your HV's behaviour. Totally shocked. Please report her tomorrow. Your baby needed you and crying was the only way to let you know that. For you to be intimidated into not trusting your baby's method of communication... it must have been hideous. Sad

I'm really lucky with our HV team. One has a broad Irish brogue and says such things as 'ah, he'll not be doing it when he's 15, so he won't' and tells you to ignore anyone who says different. She's lovely. I wish she was your HV too.

Iggly · 06/10/2011 20:27

I really hate the whole "rod for your own back" phrase.

DS required rocking. In the end I used a sling a lot for naps. He's nearly 2 and I gave up trying not to rock him to sleep when he went through teething, illness, development leaps, growth spurts etc etc. At around 7 months I could put him down after a cuddle and he'd sleep. Not always though. We went through patches of needing more comfort so I gave it. Now at 2, I cuddle then in bed and sit with him until he sleeps. Part of me wishes I could walk out and leave him but I wouldn't get to hear him babble about his day as he winds down and drifts off.

Anyway, time has flown by and there have been ups and downs but overall I don't regret cuddles Grin

TheMulberryTree · 11/10/2011 12:49

yep this was the only other way to get my daughter to sleep. we had a jumperoo (bit safer as it isn't between doors) it cost around £80 but believe me it is worth it!

Oh I meant a bouncy chair, not a door bouncer.

We also tried going up close to DS's face (so he couldn't look anywhere else) and just spoke to him for ages. We rambled utter crap until he fell asleep.

Patting his bum or stroking his back also worked on some occasions.

To be honest, I tried everything and all methods worked for a period of time. I guess it's just trial and error.

spiderpig8 · 11/10/2011 13:06

i think you are making a rod for your own back.I couldn't bear to let my first one cry at all and did like you are doing. The trouble is they ome to think that they need you to get to sleep, and the older they get the more difficult (and distressing) it is for the child to be forced into breaking that association.
then what do you do when DC2 and 3 come along and you are still having to 'help' the eldest off to sleep.
when you put her down is it a tired cry? I'd just leave her 5 minutes and see if it gradually quietens down.Obviously intervene sooner if they become distressed. I think many opponents of CC and CIO seem to think parents are too obtuse to distinguish the cry of a tired, whingy baby to a distressed cry!

minimisschief · 11/10/2011 13:09

had to do this with the first but the second currently anyway just falls to sleep when she is tired. its great.

smellsofsick · 11/10/2011 13:17

The "rod for your own back people" should have their ears pulled off, nothing like making a new mum feel guilty for comforting her baby us there?

I did the same thing with DD for quite a few months, until she stopped settling properly and couldn't settle herself if she woke up. It was then she was quite ready to be put down and after a few minutes of tears was out like a light. She just needed me to help her in those early days.

tryingtoleave · 11/10/2011 13:18

I wish I could rock my dcs to sleep in 15 minutes. They are five and two. Last night I thought they were exhausted. I put them down to bed, they started bounding around the room. Fine, I said, I'll come back and tuck you in when you are ready to sleep. Went off to do chores, came back to find them tossing everything out the cupboard. Told them off, made them tidy up, put dd in my room to separate them. They then screeched hysterically at each other from room to room for the next 40 min until they dropped.

One day you will fondly remember how you rocked your little baby to sleep.