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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to rock my baby to sleep EVERY TIME?!

60 replies

munkeychops · 06/10/2011 16:11

I seem to have got in this position where my 3 and a half month old daughter needs to be walked around and rocked for 10-15mins before every single nap or badetime. The only exeption is when out in pushchair, and then she she drops off. I am quite worried that this is habit forming (well, already formed!) and I need to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. Only problem is, everything I read says CIO shouldn't be used for under 6 months - do people really stick to this? And if so, what other options do I have? Currently, if I don't rock her to sleep she simply won't sleep and gets more and more worked up.

Any sucess stories of cracking this habit would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

buttonmoon78 · 06/10/2011 16:21

Chill a bit. At 3.5m she has still spent more than twice as long in you being rocked as outside you!

I have 4dcs. I'm currently cuddling ds to sleep 80% of the time and not worrying in the slightest. All 3 others have slept through the night at between 6wks and 7m and all of them have learnt to get themselves to sleep with no input from me by 5/6m.

My friend said to me the other day (whilst cuddling ds as he dozed) 'oh you'll have to stop this soon - he'll get too used to the comfort'. Right, cos a 12wk old baby doesn't need comfort and certainly can get totally spoiled right?

Honestly, it won't be forever. I promise.

splashymcsplash · 06/10/2011 16:23

Sounds quite normal to me. My dd was.the same at that age. Have you got a bed time routine? That helps in the long term. For now I think you just need accept it, it doesn't last. Far to young for controlled crying. My dd was like this now I just put her in her cot and she is out like a lightbulb.

DuelingFanjo · 06/10/2011 16:27

honestly, if my experience is anything to go by, you will look back and wish it was as easy as just rocking to sleep for 15 minutes. My DS (almost 10 months) has started leaping off the pillows of my bed, rolling all around the bed, giggling, anything but wanting to be rocked or held. Wait until you have a wriggler.

TheMulberryTree · 06/10/2011 16:34

We invested in a bouncer and used it until DS was around 10 months old and pretty much throwing himself out.

mumofbumblebea · 06/10/2011 16:37

10-15 minutes! that's bloody lucky, it would take my daughter about 45 mins of being rocked at that age and then she would cry her eyes out as soon as i put her down. don't worry about it! the time to worry is when she is banging her head on the cot deliberately and making herself sick if you don't go into her within 5 minutes (like my charming daughter did at 10 months).
i had to rock my daughter to sleep till she was about 12 months but now at 21 months after stories and songs she say night-night and goes straight to sleep! i obviously haven't done her too much damage!

mumofbumblebea · 06/10/2011 16:39

We invested in a bouncer and used it until DS was around 10 months old and pretty much throwing himself out

yep this was the only other way to get my daughter to sleep. we had a jumperoo (bit safer as it isn't between doors) it cost around £80 but believe me it is worth it!

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 16:42

3.5 mo is tiny and there are good reasons for not doing cc at all before 6 months. Many say 1 year. Really, 3.5 mo is so little. You could try a sling for hands free.

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 16:43

Oh, and CIO is really not recommended at any age.

Original poster

munkeychops · 06/10/2011 16:51

Thanks people, I was just worried really as someone told me that I was getting into a bad habit and better to break it early? She said should put baby to sleep awake and not rock to sleep - is this not what everyone has done then?

OP posts:

nancerama · 06/10/2011 16:52

Have you tried music? I loved the closeness of rocking DS to sleep, but he got so heavy so quickly that it was breaking my back. I found a piece of music that he loved and played it while rocking him to sleep. He now associates that tune with sleep - as soon as we play his tune he's out like a light.

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 16:55

Unless you're not happy with this arrangement, keep on as you are and don't worry.

Don't listen to anyone who says "You're making a rod for your own back", because its nothing to do with them.

mumofbumblebea · 06/10/2011 16:59

She said should put baby to sleep awake and not rock to sleep - is this not what everyone has done then?

pfft if only it was that simple (seems to work all the time on soaps mind you, they all have wonderful babies/toddlers who don't require any toys that clutter up the place and are never. ever heard except in the appropriate scene- anyway off topic). i'm sure that works for some babeis, but i don't know anyone who's baby has done that. when my dd was 16 months i decided "right, enough is enough" and left her to cry herself to sleep (felt so awful for doing it but when i timed it it never took more than 20 minutes) and i do wish i had done that sooner. but your DS is too young for that. tbh when they're that young just do what you have to in order to get some sleep!

stripeybump · 06/10/2011 17:01

Sorry - what is CIO pls?

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 17:09

Cry it out. Just leaving them as compared to controlled crying where you go back in at intervals.

DH and I decided early on that we didn't want crying in the house if it was avoidable so er don't do cc/CIO.

ShroudOfHamsters · 06/10/2011 17:12

No, you're not getting into bad habits, you're giving her lots of love and reassurance and making her confident that you'll always be there :)

She's still titchy tiny. Plenty of time for working out gradual getting to sleep alone/more easily strategies.

Pandemoniaa · 06/10/2011 17:28

I'm always saddened when I hear people advised that their tiny little babies will get into bad habits if their basic needs are ignored. They don't. Ever. Neither is their need for reassurance and comfort at such a young age helped by brutal practices like Crying It Out.

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 17:43

Oh 3 months is SO wee still, and 15 mins of rocking is nothing, that's just like an extended cuddle isn't it? :)

WitchesBroomForMyChin · 06/10/2011 17:53

My dd is 12 weeks and my hv came round yesterday to help me with her sleep as I'm having similar problems to you. She basically made me leave her in the Moses basket and sit in the kitchen while saying just leave her just leave her. My baby cried for an hour and a half until she was asleep and the hv wouldn't leave until she was asleep. It was absolutely awful. I also sobbed for an hour and a half and then continued to cry for the whole evening. Dd only slept for 20 mins, her face is covered in marks and scratches from where she must have been hitting herself and I feel so guilty and ashamed for going along with it. Please don't do it, it really is an awful thing to do to such a tiny baby.

RitaMorgan · 06/10/2011 17:57

CIO is cruel at any age, especially with a tiny baby.

YABU - don't be so flipping lazy! Your DD needs your help to get to sleep. It's only 10-15 minutes of your precious time.

moonstorm · 06/10/2011 18:00

witches I would be reporting that HV for cruelty.

Whathashappenedtomyboobs · 06/10/2011 18:00

YABU. It's 10-15 mins get a grip!

valiumredhead · 06/10/2011 18:00

Witches OMG that is AWFUL, you poor love. CIO is horrible and nothing like proper CC where you are reassuring the baby ever few minutes.

Tbh I'd be tempted to report her as that really is shocking advice!

Rita I don't think the OP came across as lazy, more like asking if she was doing the right thing.

EauRouge · 06/10/2011 18:04

If anyone, including HVs, trots out the 'bad habit' thing, ask them for evidence- not anecdotes, evidence.

WitchesBroomForMyChin · 06/10/2011 18:05

I'm still so angry about the whole thing. 10 - 15 mins of rocking is so much easier than having to listen to a broken hearted baby. I'm just trying to enjoy having her close to me. I posted a thread about it yesterday and got lots of helpful advice if you want to have a look at that op.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 06/10/2011 18:06

Please report her witches, that is shocking behaviour and don't feel bad yourself. She is in a position of trust and fuck knows how woman babies (parents!) she is making cry. Please speak to someone. she needs retraining.

Op consider yourself lucky it only takes 15 mins!

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