to worry nursery is overfeeding my ds?

[MamaChocoholic]

ds1 is 3.8 and we used to to provide a packed lunch, while nursery provided morning and afternoon snacks.

now they have decided to provide breakfast, morning snack, lunch and tea (at 4pm). we saw a sample menu and I worried that
(1) he wouldn't want dinner when he got home, when we normally eat together each night
(2) that the menu was high in salt and sugar.

I talked to the nursery, and they have restricted him to pudding with lunch but not tea. a friend also reassured me that her dd has this number of meals at nursery and still comes home hungry.

new regime has started this week. last night ds was too full to eat with us. today he woke at really grumpy, and I wonder if that relates to not having eaten for 15 hours. he had breakfast with us, then snack (he doesn't remember what), lunch (curry, rice, carrot sticks, apple pie, custard) and tea (crackers, cheese, strawberry milkshake, fruit) at nursery. he has come home too full to eat again, and his belly is hard and distended (honestly, I'm not exaggerating).

perhaps because he doesn't get puddings at home, or much sweet stuff except as treats he is loading up on them now they're available at nursery? it certainly seems like he's eaten too much, and I am dreading another grumpy morning if he wakes with low blood sugar. I also miss eating with him in the evenings.

I want to go back and talk to the nursery again about portion size, but the first time they acted like I was a bit mad tbh, and said other parents were happy not to have to cook for their dc at home (so their dc's entire day's food would be between 8am-4pm).

before I go back to them, dp has suggested I ask MN. so with apologies for the length of this post, AIBU to ask nursery what they can do so he comes home hungry for a small tea with his family?

tiy yes, that is what I wanted to ask them about, if they could reduce his portion size for the afternoon snack. but they did think I was crazy before when I suggested it was a lot of food, so I wanted to check here if IABU to want him hungry enough to eat with us in the evening (just something small) before I go back to the people at nursery who already think I'm a loon.

Stranded I'd have thought he'd say no, but why is he still too full for a yoghurt two hours later if he wasn't overfull?

DSS glad you're enjoying the irony although I should state I'm a discerning chocoholic, liking small bits of very dark chocolate on a regular basis

My nursery do something similar.

Breakfast at 8am - cereal, milk, juice
Snack at 10am - milk, fruit
Lunch at 11.45am - chicken, potatoes, veg + pudding of sponge cake and custard
Snack at 2pm - milk, fruit
Tea at 4.15pm - pizza, salad + pudding of fruit jelly

Some children only do mornings or only afternoons, so lunch and tea are similar kinds of meals. Most parents give toast or a snack at home after nursery too.

and DSS the chance of persuading ds to sit still at the table if he doesn't have food to concentrate on is about nil. he'd rather be playing with his toys than sit watching us eat.

Our snacks aren't very big though - say 3-4 peices of fruit between 12 children.

Fair enough. Thinking about it my 4 year old DD is the same.

My DS (13 months) has the same meal routine at nursery as your child. We eat after he has gone to bed so have our 'family meal' at lunchtimes on the days he is at home and he has his dinner at 4:30 when at home as I don't want him to have a big difference between dinner times when at nursery and at home. He has 6 oz milk when he first gets up and at bedtime which keeps him going between dinner and breakfast.

I think you are making a fuss about nothing tbh.

maybe my ds just has a small appetite then Rita? it seems the menu isn't unusual.

so, no one has said IABU. although no one has said IANBU either :checks I didn't put this post in Chat:

I think then I will talk again to nursery, and ask if they can keep an eye at the afternoon snack to keep his portion size down. they will look at me like I'm mad again, but eating together is something that is important to me.

just give him his tea later, at 6 or 6:30

And don't worry, most people (incl. kids) have an inbuilt "full" mechanism and simply stop eating when full.

Chandon I did offer tea at 6, he was too full, he said. and then we need to start getting him and the dts ready for bed, so we can't eat at 6.30.

i agree that the afternoon is too big if you want him to eat with you. personally I agree that a fruit snack and maybe one other item is enough - cheese or crackers or houmous or even ice cream, but not all of it. However, it is a lot to expect him not to have it if everyone else is unless he doesn't mind.

YA basically NBU

the snack at bedtime could work although you say he doesn't want it and then wakes up hungry. or you could get him to breakfast really quickly after he wakes up

Mine are 3.1 and 15 months and eat tea at about 4/4.30 then nothing til breakfast at around...um...7/7.30.

i've never thought of that as being a problem.

Can't you just give him a snack before bed instead of trying to give him another meal?

Mama - I would say YANBU. Our nursery also does tea at 4 (although no other afternoon snack from lunch til then) and our 13mo is okay at the family tea time (5.45) but even with her huge appetite she won't always eat that much on nursery days.

It's worth bearing in mind that research has shown:
a. children past about 2 years aren't so good at self-regulating as smaller babes and ar elikely to just eat whatever's in the bowl.
b. everyone eats more in social settings that they really need,

so it's quite possible he's overeating at nursery because it's a social thing with his friends, and it includes delicious treat-y food you don't give him. And then he's still overfull later on...

So in fact I think asking them to reduce his portion size is a good solution and frankly, who cares if they think you're mad? He's your child and you're paying them to look after him so they can certainly make such small adjustments at your request. My baby gets her own dairy-free food which is far more effort!

that is meant to read afternoon snack, or 'tea' sorry...

The menu sounds about the same as where my DS goes. I've always been really happy with it and after working all day I find it easier to just give him a snack when he gets home if he wants it. The days he doesn't go to nursery he eats with us. TBH he normally falls asleep by 7.00 pm anyway on his nursery days. I personally wouldn't ask that they skip his tea as his friends will be eating and he won't be able to. I don't know what happens at your DS's nursery but at ours at teatime they just tuck in to sandwiches and fruit and help themselves so it would be pretty hard if I was to say to the staff to restrict what he eats if all his friends are helping themselves to another piece of fruit or whatever.

That menu would be too much for my DD (3) as she has a smaller appetite than her peers. I can see why you're worried, especially with the early waking. But you mention the distended tummy and early waking and I wondered whether there is something else the matter with him. Perhaps a quick trip to the doctors to check his stomach?

When I worked in Private Nursery, the latest we allowed breakfast was 9am as snack was at 10am which was usually toast, crackers, and fruit. Then lunch which was usually a home cooked meal such as macaroni cheese, curry, sausage and mash soup. Then a pudding which was a variety of things. We then did another snack about 3pm which was maybe potato wedges, sausage rolls or garlic bread or homebaking with fruit. Then if anyone wanted their child to have a yoghurt they could at 5pm or they could provide a tea which we would reheat and give to any children eating. I think their 4pm tea is maybe too late for him. But you would be amazed at how much some children pack away.

If he goes 4 days a week that is still 3 nights when you can have tea together. I would relax, seriously. DH and I only eat tea together twice a week and my kids seem fine.

DH and I only eat together with the kids, that should have said.

Leggy that's interesting, I did wonder how the idea that people stop when full squared with a rising obesity epidemic.

I do think he's eating too much. you're right, I am paying (and the food and other changes have added 30% to our bill), so I shouldn't worry about them looking at me like I'm talking nonsense.

I work in a nursery and it's very very hard on children when their parents request them to eat less or something different or ban them from certain foods. Food allergies and religious reasons are quite easy to work around in comparison - for example we do chicken meatballs in sauce rather than pork ones, turkey ham instead of pork ham, nothing has nuts in it, gluten-free can be tricky but still workable..... whereas a parent who says no puddings

i would also say that i don't think the puddings are necessary. yoghurt or yoghurt and fruit would be healthier or another helping of a healthier main course. but like natation says, you just couldn't do it?!

but natation, do you really think it's right he will go from 4pm today till 7am tomorrow with no food? could you eat nothing for 15 hours and wake up happy?

I don't find it a problem at our nursery - many children eat different meals due to dietary restrictions or parental request. We could certainly accomodate small portions or only fruit for pudding.