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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent giving baby clothes to a freecycler with an iphone?

83 replies

lucyhoneybee · 05/10/2011 00:00

I answered a wanted post for little baby clothes on freecycle. I don't have much myself as I'm on maternity leave and in the process of splitting from my husband due to his debts among other things. I was having a clear out and thought I'd take pity on a fellow mum. As soon as I responded with my offer of babyclothes my child has outgrown, she sent a reply asking when she could collect.. from her iPhone. Am I being harsh to wonder whether I should be giving her free baby clothes when in dire straits myself?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 05/10/2011 08:55

FFS

slartybartfast · 05/10/2011 08:55

plus, perhaps the op is finding the idea of giving away the baby clothes a bit emotional

do you know any new mums who might like them?

or try a refuge/charity shop.

aldiwhore · 05/10/2011 08:57

I think Freecycle was the wrong place for you, so YABU.

YANBU for wanting them to go to someone who really REALLY needs them, in which case a women's refuge would be ideal.

weevilswobble · 05/10/2011 08:58

Give a bit of credit to those with the energy, creativity, wit and all round entrepreneurism to find a resource and make some money from it. At least they are getting off their butt and adding to the economy.
You cant decide who is worthy of your apparent charity. You cant be bothered to ebay or car boot or NCT sale, so dont stop the next person. What is annoying you is that you are not getting the gratitude you feel you deserve for being charitable. There is no such thing as a truly altruistic act, all acts of kindness or charity are done in order that the giver gets a good feeling in return, so you feel cheated that you didnt get that. If you want to do something charitable, admit that that is your aim and donate to a charity who will give you the thanks you want in return. Just because freecycle is free, is not just for the poor and deserving and grateful. It is, like others have said, a way of keeping things out of the bin that still have a purpose and life. Reassess your motive.

wigglesrock · 05/10/2011 08:58

But freecycle isn't for "the poor", its for those that want to recycle. Why would it bother you - you don't want the stuff, someone else does - job done. I came from what would now be called a working poor family as did my husband. Both our mothers would have rather died than use a site where you took peoples old clothes, clothes were recycled in our family, and stuff just wasn't bought if there was no money.

To be honest, I have always felt that the whole recycle, charity shop for clothes thing to be a bit of a middle class thing - I am more likely to buy a £1.50 top from Asda for my kids than take someone elses cast-offs - rightly or wrongly its a pride thing.

BecauseImWorthIt · 05/10/2011 09:01

You said it yourself, that you want to 'take pity on' someone else.

Why? That isn't what freecycle is for.

Stop being so sanctimonious and judgemental.

dreamingbohemian · 05/10/2011 09:03

I guess YABU but I can see where the feeling would come from. It's all well and good to say freecycle is just for recycling but obviously it IS a major resource for poor people, in fact sometimes the only way they can get clothes for their kids or furniture for their house. Would you rather your stuff goes to someone who really needs it or someone who will turn around and sell it?

And for everyone saying 'donate it to charity then', I found it impossible to find a charity that would take baby clothes (and yes I tried my local Womens Aid, other women's charities, homeless charities -- they would take money but not goods). If you give to a charity shop, people in need still have to pay for them.

I wouldn't judge someone responding on an iphone but that's only because of MN. In RL people I know with iphones are well off and all my skint friends have ancient phones with PAYG. It's only from reading MN that I understand the problem with long contracts, other reasons people have noted here.

tyler80 · 05/10/2011 09:05

YABU

I've given stuff away on freecycle, generally stuff that's too much hassle for me to bother selling (i ebay things that I know will sell easily). If the freecycler wants to then sell it that's up to them, doesn't matter if they're wealthy or poor.

LoveBeingAMummyAgain · 05/10/2011 09:06

Maybe she got her iPhone on freecycle Grin

Btw give them to woman's aid

TLD2 · 05/10/2011 09:10

OP, "take pity on a fellow mum"? Wow, that's as far as I need to read.

FrillyMilly · 05/10/2011 09:11

YABU. I have an iPhone and a good disposable income. I still really appreciate it when I receive things for free. The way I see it is baby stuff is used for such a small time that it's best used by as many people as possible. I've just given away 3 bin bags of clothes to people who could afford them but were still very grateful. The same swing, toys and some clothes are doing the rounds of my friends. I'm expecting DC2 and am getting things back that I gave away. Why waste perfectly good things which is the point of freecycle

TandB · 05/10/2011 09:13

YABU

People use freecycle for lots of reasons - some are in real need, some just like recycling, some do it for convenience.

We didn't get along with our first set of cloth nappies and they turned out to have almost zilch re-sale value so I free cycled them to a lady who clearly wasn't in desperate need - she just wanted to give them to a friend who had expressed an interest in trying cloth.

We also gave away some things before we moved simply because it meant that someone would come and take it away rather than us having to dispose of it.

And I have an iphone with a £15/month contract so they aren't exactly a symbol of vast, flashy wealth.

But they are your things - if you don't want to give them to her, don't.

seeker · 05/10/2011 09:57

"it rather stings when someone, who might be better off than you, and you are struggling, gets your cast offs. so i understand where you are coming from."

Why? They are no use to you if they don't fit your child. Such a bizarre attitude!

slartybartfast · 05/10/2011 10:06

thats me and the OP then seeker.

corygal · 05/10/2011 10:06

YANBU. While freecycle began as a recycling movement, ie not cash-related, it has turned into a uniquely useful resource for the poor. Freecyle tell you to give to those who need it most.

Like it or not, the poor need free stuff. Solvent people who play the needy kiddy card don't.

AmorYCohetes · 05/10/2011 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 05/10/2011 10:23

"Like it or not, the poor need free stuff. Solvent people who play the needy kiddy card don't."

Who's playing the needy kiddy card? Are you saying that I shouldn't have taken a bike for my ds from Freecycle because I can at the moment afford to buy him a new one?

usualsuspect · 05/10/2011 10:26

Should the poor beg for free stuff?

slartybartfast · 05/10/2011 10:28

actually - as has been pointed out - mostly it is the middle classes who use freecycle, rich or poor. and in my area - older people.

quite a few people wouldn't dream of taking donations let alone asking for stuff for free. my work colleagues are stunned to silence whenever i mention freecycle

dreamingbohemian · 05/10/2011 10:29

I think everyone has the right to ask for stuff. I just don't think it's weird for the giver to prefer to give it to someone who could never afford it otherwise.

spottypancake · 05/10/2011 10:30

Give the clothes to the charity shop instead - the charity will benefit AND the person who buys them if you don't like freecycling.

missymarmite · 05/10/2011 10:30

YABU. How do you know it is a new phone? It may be an old version she bought second hand, or even had given to her on freecycle. Besides, frecycle isn't just about giving to people in need. It is mainly about reusing to prevent waste.

dreamingbohemian · 05/10/2011 10:31

But why would you want someone with no money to have to buy clothes rather than get them for free?

wigglesrock · 05/10/2011 10:35

But some people with little money, would rather buy a cheaper item themselves or do without than wear other peoples clothes. Like I said earlier, my parents would never have accepted free stuff, they would have used local churchy charity for furniture, the odd toy but never clothes for their children.

JustinBoobie · 05/10/2011 10:40

I'm broke. I was given my iPhone...

Next time donate to a charity shop, I'd love to buy them!

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