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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I must be the world's worst mum because...

19 replies

mumof4sons · 04/10/2011 22:53

I care that they get fed every day.
I care that they wash and brush their teeth.
I care that they have clean clothes.
I care that they go to bed at a decent hour.
I care that they go to school happy.
I care that they do their homework.
I care that they grow up to become valued members of society.
I care when they feel their life is shit.

Or are they just self-centred teenagers? and I obviously know nothing about anything.

So sick and tired of having heavy sighs as answers, doors slammed in my face and the eye rolling. (Must be pay back for my teenage years with my mum.)

OP posts:

Iatemyskinnyperson · 04/10/2011 22:58

Just hang in there! They will emerge from hormonal fog and become human again!

Haystack · 04/10/2011 22:58

I have nothing helpful to add, only that I share your pain! My mum assures me they become human again in a few years, whilst trying, unsuccessfully, to hide the huge grin on her face.

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 04/10/2011 23:01

Oh yeah, I'm a shit mum too.

For all those reasons.

Apart from when I'm the best mum in the world.

For all those reasons!

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:02

Typical teenagers.

PacificDogwood · 04/10/2011 23:05

That'll be me in a few years' time

Much sympathy.

Having said that DS2 aged 7 makes for a very good teenager already (and DSs1, 3 and 4 will no doubt follow in due course)...

Original poster

mumof4sons · 05/10/2011 18:45

Thanks for replies.
Just feeling very unappreciated and unloved by all.

OP posts:

BatsUpMeNightie · 05/10/2011 18:50

It's lovely when they emerge the other side though - just hang in there and it WILL happen!

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 05/10/2011 18:51

It doesn't matter what they think

worraliberty · 05/10/2011 18:52

YANBU

They can always confine their rioting and looting to weekends

gordyslovesheep · 05/10/2011 18:53

i read something today about human brains not working properlly during their teens - new research etc - basically it means they can be vile little shits but they normally grow out of it ... hang in there xxx

gordyslovesheep · 05/10/2011 18:54

alternatively it means that if they continue to piss you off you can donate them to medical science

LineRunner · 05/10/2011 18:56

I read the same thing as gordy. Apparently adolescence is the final re-wiring of the brain and mimics a kind of mental illness.

And loads of sleep is essential.

In the meantime (I have two teenagers) my doors are hanging off the hinges.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 05/10/2011 18:56

My 18 month old threw his dinner at me, bit me and had his first ever tantrum ... I feel like a crap mother today as well.

sportsfanatic · 05/10/2011 19:01

You know the old saying mumof4sons. When they are 14 children think parents know nothing. By the time they are twenty they are amazed how much you've learned. Hang in there.

rettam · 05/10/2011 19:31

Hello Mumof4sons, I'm a mum of 3 teens, 2 boys and a girl and they would never ever slam a door in my face, roll their eyes at me or do that heavy sigh, (a light sigh perhaps). I'm sure you're a brilliant lovely mum and of course you care, but IME teenagers really do think that the world revolves around them the same as I did at that age. They HATE being asked what they see as futile irritating questions and they need space to breath and think and just 'be'.

Is it possible that you're being a tad intense with them ? They won't starve, dirty clothes and teeth won't kill them (but it will put the girls off). Of course you care when they feel like shit etc but you can't solve their problems for them or make them happy. They need to know that you are there for them when they want/need you but most of the time they just need leaving alone. I once read that we are our children's facilitators and that made so much sense to me.

You can't change them you can only change yourself and if they are feeling pissed off and grumpy with you then have a serious think regularly about what it is that they are finding so irritating. I would actually ask them. I would also. I'm not being rude when I say this but kids/teens/people hate being pestered/nagged. I'm sure you're doing brilliantly but some of your ways with your kids might need a tiny bit of fine tuning. I did a fantastic intensive parenting course when mine were tiny (and horrid) and I learned loads of elementary things and it's stood me in good stead ever since.

And BTW I'm sure your boys do love you very much

spanna41 · 05/10/2011 19:46

I can really sympathise. I am recently single after 20 years with DP. 2DD's aged 12 and 7. my 12 year old has become verbally abusive calling me a b*, c** etc. My 7 year old has complete temper tantrums! Yuck - it can be incredibly stressful and I get so angry that I shout - which doesn't help, but I can't seem to stop it! they also wind each other up - when it can sometimes become physical and is really upsetting to see. my 12 yo seems to get pleasure from winding her sister up and pushing her buttons and does the same with me. I only hope it will get better and more harmony will be here soon!
I wish we could avoid these teenage years - they come as a total shock! I was an awful teenager who treated my mum and dad - to the same verbal abuse that my DD is now giving me.
Maybe it's my comeback.
Try and hang on in there - I am by the skin of my teeth xxx

youarekidding · 05/10/2011 20:05

Well clearly YABU I think it's the job of parents to be seen as BU by their teens. One day they'll realise it's all done out of love.

It it helps my Dbro went through this stage. He was a competitive swimmer and excellent at it. My mum stopped telling him about all on your list. He got sore skin from the chlorine and not washing properly and when he got a detention for not doing his homework - resulting in him being late for swimming and the coach bawling him out - he soon started to realise it was done out of concern and love and worked it out for himself.

I sympathise. I haven't hit teen years yet with DS (7) but he seems to have picked up some Kevin and Perry behaviour lately and his arse print is embedded in the sofa!

mutha2two · 05/10/2011 20:32

teenage years are my biggest dread and not far off for me - I was an off the rails nightmare and have to confess to erring on indulging ds's inner geek as my insurance policy on all out rebellion but what do I know? Did read something interesting about risk related behaviour in teens that is couched in some sort of evolutionary quantum leap out of childhood in a bid for independence, so instead of grounding/punishment you are supposed to put it down to their poor brains undergoing some fundamental re-wiring. Like a lot of evolutionary models, this assumes the average life span is 35 and we are required to 'take risks' for species survival. But quite how we're supposed to be benignly tolerant of picking pissed up 16 year old from the town centre on a sat night putting it all down to a Darwinian type notion is a big ask isn't it?

babybythesea · 05/10/2011 20:44

I think this says it all. I love this....(hope the link works). If not, look for The Mom Song on youtube.

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