to get angry when parents use my daughter to teach their child sorry?

[W6mum]

My DD is 2 but has recently suffered a spate of being attacked by other children in playgrounds - typically little boys coming up to her and punching her in the face, kicking her in the shins or something similar. So there she is, crying her eyes out, and seeking my protection when owner parent of hooligan child comes up with child (usually child sporting evil and totally unremorseful grin) saying, rather weakly 'now come on, you must say sorry to the little girl'. (for godsake, at least say it like you mean it?!)
Meanwhile, my daughter has to face this little shit again, and I feel like serving some of that rough justice to this child I would have been served when younger, while also being fearful of raising my voice in case it comes back on me

I'm with you on the hugging... other than that YABU.

I've had both a hitter and a hittee, and its horrible either way. An apology must be given, and I also teach my children to accept one.

Genuine apologies are learned over time. You start with the habit, genuine intent comes later.

Oh and I have two boys. I'm probably harder on them than I would be if I had girls, I am extremely paranoid about my boys being viewed as little shits.

So I take umbrage at a previous comment you made, though I realise you've already been pulled up on that!

aldiwhore - that's really nice they're learning about apologising but my DD is actually wary of boys in the playground now so I hope as a mum you won't be offended if I say to your child 'thank you for your apology but my child doesn't want to be near you just at the moment. If you're nicer later come and say hello to show you are sorry' or other such words...

ds2 went to a preschool where they didn't get the kids to say sorry to each other (they were 4) because they said it was more or less meaningless to them - they were too young to understand the idea of 'sorry' - but they did want the kids to know that actions have consequences, so the hitter had to go up to the child they'd hurt and ask, 'Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help you?' I was sceptical at first but it really seemed to work so I do this with my kids (both boys) and usually the hittee will say something like "No, I'm not ok you really hurt me. Leave me alone and never come near me again'. It seems to be much more satisfying than an enforced, fake 'sorr-eeeee' and doesn't put the hittee in the position of having to accept an apology when they're hurting or cross.

As a parent of ex-hitters, I think telling the other parent that you need to take your DD away is perfectly reasonable.

I must live on a different planet but in my whole life I've never seen a 2yr old suffer a spate of attacks.

Equally, I've not seen any kids being made to 'kiss and hug' by way of apology to a stranger.

if this is happening repeatedly , why? Why aren't you shadowing her to protect her from this.
It sounds a fishy tale to me!

My DS1 experienced it from his best friend. They are still best friends 8 years later.

I haven't experienced by child being targeted by random punters in playgrounds, however, I have seen random punters targeting everyone. DS2 was one of the aggressors for a while .....

my child

I wold always get my 3 year old to say sorry but I wouldn;t use a menacing tone as it might scare your DD and I find disappointment more efffective than psycho-mother.

YABU though, ds1 and ds3 have been targeted by bullies before quite significantly and I always appreciated parents making an effort with an apology. I am not sure how you can make a 3 year old mean it though tbh. The sorry tbh is more supposed to be a sign that we as parents have taken it seriously and plan action and a gesture towards the parents (when the boys were little they would ahve taken a home amde sorry card too) as much as anything.

London playgrounds can be quite busy and agressive in a Londony busy aggressive type of a way. It's a fact of life in a crowded city. Our local playground can be nightmarish at times.

In my experience it's usually the parents that are the problem but I have witnessed little ones being bashed over the head by bigger kids and pushed off slides so I can see what you're getting at OP. Your experiences certainly don't sound beyond the realms of possibility.

If your DD is more upset by the perpetrator approaching to apologise, a quiet word to the parent to say 'she just needs a minute to calm down' before the kid is allowed to apologise might work. If they are genuine they won't mind. If they're not, well screw 'em. Not everyone has the same standards...

Ok, OP, I'm with you on the hugging thing (That's ODD - if an adult hurt you you wouldn't expect them to hug you as an apology). BUT I would be making mine apologise (even if they don't MEAN the apology) AND what you the OP may NOT notice is that they are either taken home, or if that will affect their siblings, they are made to sit down and not play as punishment for hitting etc.

I still don't understand why you are insisting on returning to the same playground. I did ask this earlier and you posted 'I'm not taking her elsewhere'. While I agree you shouldn't have to, I would still do it to get a break from what you have called a 'spate' of attacks - in that case, go elsewhere for a few weeks to break the cycle and then try again.

Agree with you on the hugging - accepting an apology (however insincere) is good but it doesn't mean your DD has to accept being hugged by them.