"drip-feeding", "AIBU-by-stealth" etc - no, the OP just doesn't want to write her life story, and sometimes new things occur to you in the course of a thread

[Greensleeves]

It's been annoying me for a while

as soon as somebody on an AIBU thread ventures a new piece of information in response to a question or someone else's post, people start crowing "drip-feeding!" and seem to think they have "won"

No - it's a conversation, it develops, things occur to people during the course of the thread

so stop it

YANBU.

Though sometimes crucial information seems to be witheld for dramatic affect later in the thread.

A happy middle ground really, write the crucial elements in the first instance before asking for an opinion, if something does crop up later on that wasn't originally considered, some slack should be given.

Well, it depends really. If it makes a huge difference to the issue, and you only bother to mention it after everyone has told you YABU, then I think it's fair to be suspicious.

A lot of the time you can't win.

If your post is long then people complain. Some very rude people even say that they won't bother to read it because it's so long

If you try to keep it short then inevitably you will miss things out that other people consider more important than the bits you thought were the most important.

So what you need to do is find a way to describe a complex situation in full detail in no more than 5 sentences.

Fair enough.

YANBU

Drip feeding gets called far too easily. But there are times when a cruicial piece of information gets left out of an OP, which would hugely change posters responses. That is annoying.

YANBU.

I have read some posts, though, where the OP is criticising the behaviour of an adult/child/teacher and then, because the behaviour seems wildly outrageous everyone jumps in with a YANBU only to later reveal that the person who is in the 'wrong' has a known SN that mitigates the situation.

I think as long as it is set up correctly, it's fine to add more information, but not if it's going to change the entire context of the situation.

It depends.

If someone posts eg 'AIBU to be cross with DH for not helping get the kids ready in the morning' and has explained roughly all the relevant info then adds more information later on for a clearer picture, then when someone then accuses them of drip-feeding it does seem a bit petty and pointless.

It's when the OP omits a crucial detail that it's justified. For instance in my made-up AIBU above, the OP then announces 40 posts in that the DH is on a life-support machine, and has a go at people who've said he's selfish and lazy for not helping more. That's the kind of thing that makes people feel justified in complaining about drip-feeding.

You also get this kind of thing :o

OP: "my SIL is a benefit cheat because she works and claims child benefit and .. and... has a nicer car than me"

Reply: "but it's not illegal to work and claims child benefit"

OP: "oh and she gets carers allowance and disability using false id's and tortures rabbits!"

Reply: "yeah, right..."

I don't get what the big deal is with drip feeding anyway? I'm sure most people don't do it deliberately but if they do, what harm is it causing?

It does depend.

My first AIBU could probably win a prize for being the longest ever opening post on MN.

But I'd some some of the drip-feed ones and I knew they don't go down well, so I thought I might as well get it all out at the start.

I'm amazed anybody read it.

And even then, with my vvvvvvvvvvvvv long opening post, I still realised I had missed a lot out. It's hard to build a complete picture in just a few sentences, but it's also hard to give the right advice without all the facts.

In my case I could have asked if I was BU to stop seeing my PIL's and keep my son away from them because my MIL was controlling and said some upsetting things to me over the ten years I have known her.

I think I'd have got a mixed response from that and a lot of YABU's. Instead I told the full story and I don't think anyone said IWBU, although a couple hoped I was a troll and had made it all up.

But I do think in most cases, you don't always know what to put when you are feeling stressed or upset about something and even in my epic post I missed things that might have been relevant to it.

YANBU

YANBU

I've posted in reply to an OP and then afterwards thought of something else I could have said and that's just in a reply. If I actually posted a thread and had to try to remember everything it would take me a week just to post. It's not always to do with drip feeding, sometimes it's just something an OP has forgot to put in the op.

It definitely depends

Some people 'drip feed' info every time someone disagrees with them...like they're building a brick wall and every time someone says YABU, another little brick comes out.

In the end, the thread's fairly pointless as it ends up nothing like the opening post.

On the other hand, some people add a few fairly minor details and get crucified for it.