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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make dd remove her ear stud?

59 replies

mosp · 03/10/2011 00:13

My 8 yr old dd pierced her own ear (at the top, through the cartilage) this pm. Actually, it looked good, but I made her take it out. What would you have done?

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 03/10/2011 00:14

errmmmm yes,shes 8!

Tyr · 03/10/2011 00:15

I'd ensure that the wound was clean and let her keep it on the condition that she didn't do any more DIY piercings. Pretty plucky for an 8 yr old!

sunnydelight · 03/10/2011 00:16

For the fact that she did it herself and didn't ask you yes, of course it's reasonable to get her to take it out. Most schools won't allow anything than a "normal" lobe piercing anyway. I'm rather ashamedly impressed at an 8 year old having the guts to inflict such pain on herself though Blush

FlamingoBingo · 03/10/2011 00:17

What Tyr said.

I would be upset, but I hope I would recognise and acknowledge that that is my problem, not hers. There is no rational reason why an 8 year old shouldn't have a pierced ear, so long as it's safe. It's her body. My only reason for wanting her to take it out is my own prejudices about piercings, and they should have no bearing on her choices. (I also have an 8 year old girl, btw).

ddubsgirl · 03/10/2011 00:18

i doubt her school would allow her to keep it in.

LeBOF · 03/10/2011 00:19

I'd take it out and give her a bollocking like no other.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:20

I don't think school would allow it anyway. She must be mad to put herself through it! I knew she was doing something in the bathroom, but thought she was playing with makeup. Then she presented herself to me with the new stud Shock

OP posts:
SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 03/10/2011 00:21

I disagree. The reason to make her take it out is because she did it without getting permission from you first (which you have to when you are 8!) and making her take it out lets her know she has nothing to gain from piercing herself without permission other than a lot of pain.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:21

A bollocking? LeBOF, are you BOF?

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 00:22

I would take her to the GP's to make sure she hadn't damaged her ear.
And obviously take it out.

How the hell did she manage it? The top of the ear is very tough and gristly, it would have taken a fair amount of strength and considerable pain to pierce it.

In fact, I would worry about the state of mind of an 8yo who did thisSad

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:23

crack - in what respect would you worry?

OP posts:
LeBOF · 03/10/2011 00:23

Yup. How are things?

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 03/10/2011 00:25

I assume crack is worrying about self harm?
Did she actually put it through the gristle or just the skin?

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:25

Much the same, bof. Had a break from mn, and took my mn posse with me to a private group...seeing various psychiatric professionals and still downing diazepam like there's no tomorrow :(

OP posts:
Tyr · 03/10/2011 00:27

Aside from the safety/hygiene issue, I wouldn't worry; I'd be impressed although I'd try not to let that show.

FlamingoBingo · 03/10/2011 00:27

I don't think a self-harming child would come and present the results to her mother proudly, somehow!

Mosp - whatever anyone on here thinks, the only right way to deal with it is the way that is right for you and your family. You don't need to bollock her if that doesn't feel right, and you don't need to let her leave it in if that doesn't either.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:27

I really think she was just experimenting. It went right through the gristle. She's quite a character. It doesn't surprise me in the least that she did it.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 00:28

She pierced the very tough cartilage at the top of her ear causing herself considerable pain.
Not normal 8yo behaviour.

How did she do it?

worraliberty · 03/10/2011 00:28

It's not impressive at all and of course YANBU to make her take it out

I'd also remove all sharp objects from her reach and have a chat with her about why she felt it was ok to do this.

LeBOF · 03/10/2011 00:29

This is true- I'm just giving my view. Flamingo is quite right that you should do what your own instinct tells you.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:30

She says she just pushed an earring through. It took her quite a while. At least 3 games of FreeCell (I was playing in the next room, fully unaware)

OP posts:
SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 03/10/2011 00:30

I didn't say I agreed just that I thought it was what she meant although I may be barking up the complete wrong tree.
My eldest is 4 and terrified of needles and wouldn't get her ears done professionally so I have no experience of what would be normal for plucky 8 yos.
I do think you were right to take it out though. Now she knows what will happen if she does her nose/eyebrow etc and it isn't a cool piercing to show off to her friends.

worraliberty · 03/10/2011 00:32

There's no way she 'just pushed and earring through' cartilage.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:33

really? what on earth must she have done then?

OP posts:
FlamingoBingo · 03/10/2011 00:34

Heaps of people pierce their own ears all the time, cartilage as well as lobe. Yes, it's pretty dramatic for an 8 year old, but 'not normal 8 yo behaviour' isn't a reason to worry - all kids do things that don't fit with the 'norm'.

Personally, if it were one of mine, I'd be horrified, and upset, and very, very shocked. But I don't want my children to be like everyone else if they don't want to be. Would love to think they'd grown up able to make the choices that are right for them regardless of what other people think, so long as they harm no one else and make them happy.

And remove all sharp objects from her?! She's 8!!! You can't and shouldn't do that! If Mosp is worried, then she should be cuddling her and listening to her, not overreacting, which will only cause more problems. It sounds like she's not worried, just shocked.

Go with your heart Mosp - you know your DD better than anyone.

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