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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make dd remove her ear stud?

59 replies

mosp · 03/10/2011 00:13

My 8 yr old dd pierced her own ear (at the top, through the cartilage) this pm. Actually, it looked good, but I made her take it out. What would you have done?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 03/10/2011 00:35

really? what on earth must she have done then?

I don't know, you're her mum...have you asked her?

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:37

Of course I asked her. She said she pushed the earring through. Should I wake her up and ask again?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 03/10/2011 00:38

Actually I've just done a little search of your previous posts and I'm going to leave this thread and say goodnight.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 00:38

I think most adults would struggle to tolerate pushing a blunt earring through cartilage.

Clearly not secretive like most self harming incidents, but certainly an indication that things are not right.
Did she not realise how totally inappropriate this was? I would be concerned if she didn't.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:38

OK, night then

OP posts:
Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:43

the 'night' was to worral, though unsure how my previous threads have any bearing...

OP posts:
musicmadness · 03/10/2011 00:47

I have a cartilage piercing and It was without a doubt the most painful piercing I have had done (I have lobe x2, cartilage nose and bellybutton). It really does hurt and that was using a needle, not a blunt earring.

I would ask her again tomorrow morning if she used anything else (safety pin etc) which was sharper. I would be very surprised if she could cope with the pain of shoving a blunt earring through cartilage.

Not unreasonable to ask her to take it out but make sure you keep a close eye on the hole to avoid infection as if the hole closes and it is infected you can trap the infection inside the ear whereas if the hole is still there there is an escape route for any pus etc (obviously that is worst case).

Try and make sure the hole is clean but otherwise leave it alone and tell her not to touch it as that is one of the most common ways of introducing bacteria.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 00:47

Actually having read your OP again, and realising she 'presented' her newly pierced ear to you, it's clear she didn't realise it was inappropriate.
Which, along with the fact that she willingly caused herself a lot of pain, I would find very worrying.

Are you concerned about her behaviour aside from this incident?

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:50

I have had concerns about her in other respects. She's having help from cahms atm. But somehow, I don't feel concerned about the ear thing. She's just quite a determined person.

OP posts:
Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 00:51

And can anyone cast any light on how my previous threads are related to this? Feeling a bit upset about that :(

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 00:58

I would discuss it with the cahms team.
I think 8 should be old enough to recognise that what she did was inappropriate. The fact that she did not is a little worrying, imo.

She must have really had to push the earring hard, and probably twist it backwards and forwards to break through the cartilage. An 8yo inflicting that degree of pain on themselves troubles me Sad

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 01:00

She had a really fun day today. Cycle ride, time with friends. Of all days, she is def not depressed or upset today. Please can someone shed light on how my prev threads are related to this, enough to make a poster do a runner?

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/10/2011 01:03

I don't know. I haven't searched your previous threads.
I give a response based on the opening post, not the poster.
Forget it.

But please mention this incident at your next cahms appointment.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 01:06

Ok, will do. Thanks all.

OP posts:
musicmadness · 03/10/2011 01:08

I don't know your previous posting history sorry.

She must have been very determined to get the earring through. Has she talked about piercings before? Ask her why she did it tomorrow. It might not be depression or anything but it is very unusual behaviour from an 8yo. Not so much from a teenager!

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 01:11

She's never accepted her age. Always been desperate to be older. Gets on miles better with older children generally.

I'll take to her tomorrow. Today, we had to go out about ten mins after she did it. No time to chat.

OP posts:
emma0134 · 03/10/2011 01:18

Not a fan of piercing but I would let her keep it.

MissMississippi · 03/10/2011 09:24

I would also mention it to CAHM. Well done for making her take it out. I just had a look at your previous posts and can see nothing which would make me do a runner - how odd Worra said that Confused. If she really thought something was odd, why not leave the thread without mentioning why?!? Don't feel upset by it, please :).

FrenchRuby · 03/10/2011 12:33

How on earth did she push a blunt earring through her ear?? That must have been painful.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 12:54

Thanks MissMississippi. I did find it hurtful, but glad you agree it doesn't make sense.

I asked her again this morning. She maintains that she used an earring. Didn't seem to think it was any big deal. Not in the least upset that I asked her to remove it.

I dunno - maybe she has a high pain threshold?

OP posts:
cookcleanerchaufferetc · 03/10/2011 13:07

Personally I think that this is a concern. It is not a "normal" thing to do. Plus it would bloody hurt! I hope you have made her remove it and told her off for taking something without permission (earring) and doing something innappropriate ( piercing herself). She might be determined, but she has metaphorically stuck two fingers up at you.

GypsyMoth · 03/10/2011 13:09

Mosp I think Worra saw your previous posts, not necessarily threads you have started, and then decided to leave this.

diddl · 03/10/2011 13:10

I would also make her take it out.

Has she asked to have them pierced & you´ve refused?

GypsyMoth · 03/10/2011 13:11

My dd did this a while back. With ice cube. She said it bloody hurt! She's 15 and her friend showed her how.

Original poster
mosp · 03/10/2011 13:13

Previous posts on this thread? Worral said she's researched. Really, what have I said??

I really think dd did not do it in a rebellious manner. She's just very experimental. I bet she just wondered what it would feel/look like.

OP posts: