Children getting dirty, wet, messy

[emma0134]

Question is if I am sane or mad.

When I was growing up my mum was nuts on use looking perfect, hair had to be combed, clothing tidy and clean. If we got a smug on our clothes she would not be pleased, rubbing at the stain and going on and on.

Now I am the mum, twin girls aged seven. Although I dress them nicely and cleanly they are free, no encouraged not to worry whether their clothes get dirty, wet, muddy or even torn.

Mum as I expect goes mad at me, yesterday (Saturday) went Blackpool and the girls ended up not only going into the sea with all their clothes on then throwing sand at each other but then walking down the prom in their socks ( what did people think).

Friend was over when they ended up covering themselves in paint and she found this very odd i allow them to do this. Today a neighbour came to report them splashing themselves in rain puddles in the field.

In fact I get pleasure seeing them come in the bottom of their white socks dirty, their clothes a mess, their hair all over the place, sometimes I even don't comb their hair at weekends. So am I normal or mad?

Can't you get a Tangle Teezer brush and train them to brush each other's hair if you don't like doing it, OP?

Generally, though, I'd say YANBU.

yanbu at all op. My children get dirty, wet etc all the time, its part of childhood surley?

If they don't like having their hair brushed, why not just cut it short?

Whenever we go to see my MIL I insist that they are clean & tidy as she just makes visits hell for them if they're not. However, the rest of the time, they are tidy in the morning and before we go anywhere - what happens after that is none of my business! If they want to splash in puddles/mud they can, if they get paint on them so what? It washes!
My DD has longish hair & hates having it brushed (and I don't brush it at weekends unless we're going out ), so I use detangling spray and a good conditioner when she has her hair washed. It tends to work :)

YANBU. I thought it was a bit odd when I looked around a nursery for ds and the owner looked at me sideways and said "They get really mucky here, you know - paint, glue, glitter, mud..."

Cool, I said - do I just leave you a bag of clean clothes and pick up child and bag of laundry at the end of the day, then?

Owner visibly relaxes and says "Yes, that's right - don't put them in any expensive clothes - I think you and ds might fit in well here!"

Only made sense after looking at a couple others and hearing about friend's nursery where most of the parents complain if the kids get paint on their designer clothes! Ds goes to the first nursery and funnily enough the other parents are all lovely and sensible!

I remember working on a camp where deprived London children were taken to Wales for a week at a time, and every week most of the kids would complain about getting mud on their fabulous clothes (and often only one change for the week), despite having been told to bring old ones. They argued that their mums said if they didn't wear smart clothes then people would think they were poor. Somehow I managed to stop myself every time for the whole summer from retorting "You are poor, and now I just think your mum is stupid, too" - though when chatting to some of the older ones you could hear the cogs turning in their heads as they came to that conclusion all by themselves. Very sad.

For me, the only reason you'd not brush their hair daily is if they have relatively short (maximum shoulder length), curly hair. My Dd's hair is now long and extremely curly, but gets brushed (with a Tangle Teezer) and plaited every day.

I guess mine was the only YABu then.

So do you lot all really love doing laundry or what????

have I landed in a parallel universe where everyone lives in a washing powder commercial? With mums chucking muddy clothes into the machine, smiling fondly at their grubby kids, husbands and dogs who trample all over the clean bedlinen....such fun!

am I the only one on here who keeps laundry to a minimum, as it's bad enough as it is?

My Mum was also a -worry WAAAY too much what the neighbours would think clean freak with our clothes too & send me out to play in f'ing ridiculous-- sparkling white dresses & expect me to keep clean, I have a very clear memory of being about 6, sat on a swing in a white frock, watching my friends play & feeling totally miserable as I'd been told not to get dirty - someone pushed my swing & I fell off into a puddle, covered in mud & scared to go home fore the inevitable ear bashing :(

There is no way in hell would I ever put DD through that - she leaves the house clean & if she comes back filthy I'm happy because I know shes had a great time - trust me from growing up with one as a Mum, the clean freaks are VERY wrong & I feel for their poor DCs :(

My dcs got to school in clean uniform everyday. They come home get changed uniform goes in was as its normally filthy. They then do what they want to do when clothes are dirty they get washed.

Lets be honest in this day an age its not hard washing kids clothes I'd rather do 1 load of washing a day and know my kids have had fun than no washing and miserable kids.

Don't get me wrong my dcs have decent clothes for weddings and special events that they keep nice looking. But as long as they arrive where we are going looking smart and don't start rolling in mud or playing football in them I don't min. Usually when they are wearing there decent stuff there isn't the opportunity to get to messy anyway.

So op yanbu

Oh dear maybe I'm a bit obsessive then

I "do" dds hair everyday, it's v v thick and curly and only I know how to do it so the curls fall right and it doesnt look like a frizz bomb. This often involves using a tangle teaser hairbrush which she hates but otherwise it would be one huge ball of tangles. She's also had nits previously which took 3 months to get rid of so I'm obsessive about her hair..has to be done.

Both dcs are bathed/showered daily, aprons/bibs on at mealtimes and no walking round outside in socks. Teeth brushed twice a day ditto face and hands (plus before eating). They have clean clothes everyday and if they're going out in the garden it's play clothes on rather than have mud and grass stains all over their normal clothes.

I'd freak if they went in the sea or chucked sand at each other fully clothed tbh

We live by the sea - DS sometimes manages to stay dry but more often than not he doesn't. I don't care. TBH he will grow out of his clothes quickly enough so I'd rather he actually enjoy himself without me fussing over keeping them clean..

I am a bit obsessive about keeping books nice though which is something he seems to have inherited

Some interesting points. Chandon, yes they could have played on the beach naked and they often do but I kind of left it up to them and no it is far more pleasant to walk without shoes then with your shoes on.

They do have respect for their things, but I will tell you why it is OK to get the clothes dirty, I have two choices either buy expensive stuff like from Next and they will look great even long after they out grown them or buy from cheap places like Asda and the market were the clothes look OK for a while then the colours begin to fade and fuzz will start appearing on the material and you throw it away anyway. So I buy cheap stuff and so they do not need to lok after it as it is going in the bin soon anyway.

As for the party dresses why was it rude, they stayed clean until the formal bits were over then they were free to get dirty, I do not get why it could be rude

I think I'm somewhere in the middle. My DSs bath almost every day. I deliberately keep their hair very short so it doesn't need combing/brushing. If we go to the beach, I fully expect them to get wet but I always take spare clothes. They only have one set of really smart clothes each. We don't really do 'good' clothes and 'play' clothes. I only buy their clothes from supermarkets or get them second-hand so it's not the end of the world if they get damaged. They always start the day in clean clothes but I'm really not that fussed if they get dirty.

Also, I've never been obsessive about hand-washing. Obviously, you wash after you've been to the loo but I don't make them wash hands before a meal unless they look dirty. It doesn't seem to be doing them any harm and they have robust immune systems - neither of them has had a day off sick from school in three years!

my DD also has very long hair, so that definitely gets a brush several times a day as its just common sense to stop it matting up so much & teeth get brushed twice daily too, for obvious reasons,

& unless I've completely misunderstood the OP, that wasn't the question as I read it as she does the same with her own DCs , but is just as happy for them to get into as much mess as they please if they are enjoying themselves & theres nothing better than running into the sea fully clothed if its hot - its going to dry soon enough & no-one dies - hell - I do it myself :)

I really dislike children being told or expected to keep clean in a park or beach or party.

They are just clothes, they wash.

well i can go 1 better than allowing my boys to get dirty, they seem to hate wearing clothes!

When they get home from school, the first thing they do is strip off. Winter or summer doesn't matter, and the neighbours think it's funny watcing them run around the garden in just their undies lol, and yes, they do get filty some days, especially, as our new dog likes to dig holes in the garden, and they copy her!

But, once they have had a bath, they are fine.

My nan always said, 'you have to eat a spec before you go'

I don't think my 14 month old has ever had his hair brushed or washed with shampoo

As a child I lived in a house with a big green outside. We never got really dirty, as children never deliberately so. However most of the girls used to kick off their shoes and play in their white socks, (we all wore white socks). I was not allowed to do this. If I did I got loads of grief from mum who used to boil them, soak them, then nag me to death as she scribed the dirty soles with soap.

Now my daughters are 11 and 7, the younger one can be mischievous and come home caked in mud sometimes. Both go out in their white socks and bizarrely I like it when the soles are dirty and even wet. I shove them in the wash and they usually come out fairly OK. I do not try to get the soles clean, no point.

Every week I buy two or three packs of 3 pairs of white socks for a pound each pack from one of the local pound shops.

OK I am weird :)

Am torn.

I have different "levels" of clothing for DS (3.10) and if he is in best clothes I prefer him not to get them filthy, although accidents (and chocolate icecream) will usually happen.

If he is in shorts and a vest/t-shirt and we are on the beach, then chances are he'll get them sandy and possibly wet - this is fine - if he runs into the sea I tend to prefer to get his clothes off him first because otherwise he'll be bloody uncomfortable in wet salty clothes, or have to travel naked so he doesn't trash the carseat. We don't always plan on a beach trip so don't always have towels/ change of clothes/swimmers with us.

If he wants to do messy stuff with paints or whatever, then it's outside and with a plastic play-coat thingy on, and play clothes underneath.

Mud and water never really fuss me - he can get as wet as he likes with the hose at home, he can always dry off and get clean clothes to wear.

However. I do try to teach DS the value of his clothes and keeping them clean - he is not allowed to wipe dirty hands down his clothes for e.g. - BECAUSE his father was never taught this and will wear good, expensive clothing to do things like change the oil in a pump, cut down staining trees with a petrol saw or similar. DH's clothes are nearly all trashed. I have told him time and again that he should just wear the old and already trashed stuff for messy work, but once again today he was out in his expensive polo shirt doing some stuff he shouldn't have been and getting it filthy (luckily it did wash out this time but often it doesn't).
He also wipes greasy hands down his shorts/jeans/t-shirt which is disgusting to me.

So because DH has no respect for his clothes, I'm probably a little more cautious with DS over his to balance it out.

I'm all for children getting filthy in the name of play. I'd rather they didn't do it in white socks or best clothes though!

It's funny this, I am definitely not a clean freak and quite untidy and sometimes a bit ungroomed myself, and I do let my dc get muddy, climb trees, etc, but I can't help getting annoyed when they wipe their hands on their clothes (especially DS who is 6 and though he likes looking 'cool' he has no concept of what is 'best' or expensive (not much, luckily!) in fact because he is conscious of his appearance (thanks to his older sister) he always wants to wear best things but then still wants to do the mucky things. So I find I do sometimes tell him off when I really know it doesn't matter and I should just leave him to it!

I've made DH promise that if something happens to me he will make sure the DCs are kept in what I consider to be clean clothes as his standards are low.
Having said that I love it when they come in from the garden all pink and grubby.
Dirt/wet/mud as a by product of fun is fine, deliberate is not.
As for the beach thing, I send them in in their pants and keep the clothes dry for after!