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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find weekends really hard with my family?

64 replies

weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:21

Please be gentle. I really need some advice.

I have three children and dh, we don't have many friends in the area because we have just moved here so we tend to spend weekends as a family. (to be really honest, we spent most of the time before move alone as well).

I get really depressed at the weekends, I find them overwhelming. I'm a SAHM and its a lot of the same old even though we do try and get out as a family too.

I cry, shout, loose my temper even though my DC are pretty good. Sad I fee like such a bad mother and even said to my dh that they would all be better off with out me. I felt so distraught this weekend that I told them they all make me miserable.Sad Please help me, I feel like such a bad person and want things to be different. Sad

So obviously IABU and a cow, please advice.

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Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:23

I'm pretty pathetic, who can't cope with weekends.

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kwinmum · 02/10/2011 22:24

Sounds pretty rough. How old are your children?

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:25

10,7 and 2.

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ssd · 02/10/2011 22:25

you need a break

get yourself a sat or sun job somewhere that requires you to wear lippy and talk to adults

will do you wonders

squeakytoy · 02/10/2011 22:28

Your eldest two will soon make friends and be out playing a lot of the time, which will lift a lot of the pressure I expect.

Jackstini · 02/10/2011 22:29

Sounds like doing the same things with same people 24/7 is sending you round the bend - and not surprising!
You do say you want things to be different so that's good.
You know what you need to do; get out more, make new friends etc. It is just hard to do when you feel so worn down but if you can make the effort and do one thing at a time it could really help.
YANBU

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:29

ssd That has crossed my mind. I guess I just feel a bit guilty because my older two are at school all week. But I'm shit as I am so will look into that.

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colette · 02/10/2011 22:30

weekendblue , sorry to hear that you are finding it hard . Weekends/ holidays can be an anti-climax . Do you feel like this at other times too ?

fedupofnamechanging · 02/10/2011 22:30

I think that you might need some structure to your weekends. Can you get your children involved in activities to keep them all busy and stimulated at the weekend?

I would also advise you to find a babysitter and get out with your husband sometimes. You need time to relax, away from constant child care.

Looking after 3 dc can be exhausting, but I think you need to apologise to your family for saying that they all make you miserable. I don't want to make you feel worse, but you must put that right with your kids. Tell them that you love them very much.

If you were truly a terrible mother, then you wouldn't care enough to post this and be worried. I just think you need some time that is not spent in the house looking after the kids.

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:32

Squeaky we currently live on a busy road so they don't play out currently, I would love them to. When the tenancy comes to an end we want to move somewhere quieter.

jack Thanks, it does help for someone to confirm that I am infact going loopy. I think DH is just realising this, poor bloke. Sad

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Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:34

colette I feel midly depressed sometimes during the week and suprisingly ok in the school holdays. Shock I don't really get it

karma I have apologised and told them I love them but will again. I feel so sad for my oldest two, they shouldn't have to put up with this.Sad

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TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 · 02/10/2011 22:35

If you're a SAHM weekends aren't really any different from weekdays, other than you (if you're lucky) have another adult there to help with the children. Is your DH not helpful - ie.does he make more mess than the kids, or just sit doing his own thing while expecting you to get things done and deal with the children? I find weekends exhausting as all 3 are here all day and although DH is here and does help out, it's not exactly two days of rest!

I know how you feel.

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:37

Theearl He is good in terms of helping with the dcs, cooking at the weekend, doing a bit of housework but he is very messy as am I. I think prehaps part of my problem is I 'm ok when I'm busybusy but get depressed when some of the work is taken off me. COntrolling?

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squeakytoy · 02/10/2011 22:38

At 7 and especially at 10, you cannot keep them cooped up indoors. They should be old enough to know not to play in the traffic!

ssd · 02/10/2011 22:38

op, absolutely no need to feel any guilt, you are there for them the whole time!

something like a 4 hour shift (thats normal for most shops now) on a sat or a sun, gets you out the house, gets you meeting folk and you have a coffee to yourself on the way home

all the shops are hiring just now for xmas temps, try monsoon/next/debenhams and see whats going

weekends are murder when its just more of the same, you need soemthing to break your weekend up a bit

most people I know who just love weekends with their family usually have a grandparent who drive up and take the kids off their hands.....lucky buggers......

the rest of us need to be a bit more creative

colette · 02/10/2011 22:39

weekendblue maybe you are totally knackered, today I didn't get half the things done I meant to and did not have any slobbing time either Hmm and I don't have a 2 year old !
I think company/distraction /getting a break would help you. I

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:40

I totally agree squeaky, my 10 year old doesn't want to play out and my 7 year old - well I guess its hard with my 2 year old wanting to go out with her.

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Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:42

I know ssd you are right, things have got to change. I will start looking.

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ssd · 02/10/2011 22:44

op, your problem here is not how to occupy your children, you're probably an expert at that by now!!

its how to get yourself a wee break without it causing you and the rest of them too much fuss

you have a big mix of ages there and thats hard going

ssd · 02/10/2011 22:47

and dont worry if you look at what you earn versus what you spend on travel, lunch, coffee, new tights etc.

you are doing it for a break, maybe a smart new outfit from the shop you're in and a coffee in peace...........

if you break even and enjoy the break consider it a success!

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:48

I've just been thinking and I probably do need a break. I suppose I haven't really thought of that because two are at school. But.... my youngest goes to sleep at around 9 and so does the oldest so it is pretty full on.

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Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:49

ssd Thanks [flower] Thats a good way to look at it. I'm going to speak to DH about it.

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ssd · 02/10/2011 22:50

its not just the kids you need a break from, its the housework, the ironing, the shopping for food, the tidying up we constantly do...............

you need a break, trust me!

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:51

Sorry ssd Flowers

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Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:52

Oh dear you know what I mean. Grin

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