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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find weekends really hard with my family?

64 replies

weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:21

Please be gentle. I really need some advice.

I have three children and dh, we don't have many friends in the area because we have just moved here so we tend to spend weekends as a family. (to be really honest, we spent most of the time before move alone as well).

I get really depressed at the weekends, I find them overwhelming. I'm a SAHM and its a lot of the same old even though we do try and get out as a family too.

I cry, shout, loose my temper even though my DC are pretty good. Sad I fee like such a bad mother and even said to my dh that they would all be better off with out me. I felt so distraught this weekend that I told them they all make me miserable.Sad Please help me, I feel like such a bad person and want things to be different. Sad

So obviously IABU and a cow, please advice.

OP posts:
ssd · 02/10/2011 22:53

your welcome Smile

you can probably tell, I worked a weekend shift for years, I used to go in one person (crabby, fed up, uptight, generally knackered and peed off) and come out another, only because I had 4 hours of thinking about nothing except does this blouse match this skirt, where are the trouser hangers etc etc...gives you a bit of head space if nothing else!

ssd · 02/10/2011 22:56

also you might get a works xmas night out!!

remember those?!!

AuntiePickleBottom · 02/10/2011 22:57

i think you need a term time job.

how about a volonteer job, but term time only so you can find new friends

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 22:58

OMG its been such a long time, a chrimbo night out, fliiping heck starting to feel better already. Smile

I'm going to apologise for being a crabit to my DCs in the morning and tell them they don't make miserable, sometimes mummy's are just grumpy from all the work they have to do. Poor mites.

OP posts:
Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 23:00

Auntie I've been looking into volunteering but its weekends that I sink into depression so prehaps weeknd volunteering.

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 02/10/2011 23:03

maybe a saturday job.

try your local café

ssd · 02/10/2011 23:04

the op has a 2 year old, she cant work term time (or can you?)

I dont think vounteerings the way forward, you need to mix with folks your age or preferably the young, they will talk about the things we had forgotten existed.......

ssd · 02/10/2011 23:06

no not a cafe.............thst just being in a different kitchen

trust me, a shop job in a shop you like the clothes is the way forward......

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 23:07

No don't want to work term time because of my littlie.

OP posts:
ssd · 02/10/2011 23:08

whereabouts are you op?

are you near shops?

Original poster
weekendblue · 02/10/2011 23:09

Essex, not too far from shops and London an hour away.

OP posts:
ssd · 02/10/2011 23:16

how about something on the outskirts of London, make sure its a train ride away so you get the peace on the train too, sit looking out the window and think of nothing..sounds good doesn't it

am off to bed, let us know if you go for soemthing

twinklingfairy · 02/10/2011 23:27

cor ssd, you have talked me into getting a weekend job anyway Grin
Hope you find something weekendblueThanks

Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:16

I've apologised to my children and my husband and explained that Mummy was stressed and didn't mean it. Bless my eldest, she said I was never cross with me. Smile

I've told DH that I'm sorry for being a bitch and things have got to change. I thought I was depressed, actually you lovley mnetters have made me realise I'm going a bit loopy and need a break - thank you. Flowers

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 03/10/2011 10:20

Everyone needs a break from the routine. Whatever the usual is, do the opposite. Even if you don't get a job, your hubby can have the 2 yr old for a few hours, you could look at getting your older kids into a weekend club or something?

I find having a busy Saturday out and about, with a couple of hours for MEEEEE, and then a lazier day (no housework) on a Sunday makes me feel like I've actually had a 'weekend' rather than just another day.

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:26

aldi Do you mind me asking what you do with your self when your out and about on the saturday, what sort of me time? I'm just looking for ideas of how I can shake things up.

OP posts:
Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:26

I might ask DH to take DCs out swimming on a saturday.

OP posts:
Chandon · 03/10/2011 10:30

I play tennis every Sunday morning. That is written in stone.

I also sometimes get ready in the morning, and tell DH and kids that I'll nip into town. I browse the shops, have a coffee, and come home a "whole person".

Just get out, SAHMs cannot get any rest at home as there is ALWAYS a job to do.

DH also goes out do do his own thing, usually Saturday afternoon.

There is plenty of time left to do "things as a family".

snailoon · 03/10/2011 10:31

How about having time to do something lovely with just one child? Could you take each one out n turn for a special activity? It could be something simple like going for a bike ride or to the library.
It is such a pleasure to be alone with one child, and they really appreciate it.

Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:34

snail We've just started doing that again now that the dust has settled after our move. We are trying to do it once a month with each of the older children. Smile

OP posts:
legallyblond · 03/10/2011 10:34

Or rather than a job, maybe just a trip to London every sat or sun? You could, say, decide that you will go to a different gallery each weekend (they are free, so the only cost is travel and maybe a coffee or lunch out - and a glass of wine, you MUST do that Wink!). Your DH will get a chance to spend proper time with the kids (if he works during the week, I am sure he would appreciate that) and you get time to yourself.

Alternatively, if you feel adult company is more important than time alone swanning round central London, try a tennis club or a gym with a nice cafe?

Also, I found (used to be at home with DD, now I am the one who works while DH is at home!) that a day trip (with DH and the kids) on the other day (so one day, or a couple of hours of a day for me and the other day as a whole family) worked well. it provided structure and was not "same old". We are also just in Essex and the farm at Lee Valley Park was/is a favourite!

Finally, what about making Friday night into a night out for just you and DH. Just a quick meal out or trip to the cinema. Can you find a local babysitter. Will the 2 year old be ok? DD is 1..... she is still no good with babysitters, so we have to take her out with us and eat at the ungodly hour of 6pm. Its still nice though as we don't have to cook and, if its walking distance we both get a glass of wine while DD stares and squawks at the other diners!

You are not mad - this is totally normal!!!!

Grumpla · 03/10/2011 10:36

Agree that you need to get away on the weekends. But unless it would be very helpful financially I don't think you need to justify this "time off" by working. Maybe go on the basis of five lunch breaks - even if your DH only has a half hour break that means you are well entitled to 2.5 hours out of the house! A swim / exercise class followed by the Saturday papers and a cup of coffee afterwards? Cost about a tenner a week - pretty good value compared to private counseling!!!

Everyone needs time to recharge their batteries. Get it timetabled into your weekend routine so it is not up for discussion / debate.

Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:37

legally What brilliant ideas. Flowers The gallery in central london sounds fabulous and yes we must organise a babysitter - we used to go out once a month together and once a month seperatley - I always looked forward to this. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
weekendblue · 03/10/2011 10:40

Grumpla I honestly thought I had some weird weekend depression until I got these replies. Confused I just needed a swift kick up the jacksy to get me doing something different.

OP posts:
homeaway · 03/10/2011 10:46

Here is an idea which might sound crazy to you but might help you make more friends. Invite all the mums in your older two classes around for a coffee morning, obviously the ones who work will not be able to come but I bet you will be surprised how many will turn up. It does not have to be fancy just tea and biscuits or a cake if you are feeling energetic( an all in one mix if toddler is helping :).
On a Saturday morning leave the kids with dad for a while and take yourself off to do something you enjoy. Have a quiet coffee and a read with a magazine, go window shopping. You need a break and will be much happier for it and so will everyone else as you will have more patience !

Another idea is an evening class ?

Good luck

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