AIBU to be angry to hear that the mother of one of DD's friends offered them WKD at a recent party - ?

[firebird777]

DD is 14 now and she has a core group of three friends who she has gone to school with since reception so i know all the parents from junior school. now at high school other girls have joined the group and around easter this year one of the "new girls" had a sleepover for her 14th birthday
although invited DD did not attend - they went to the beach first and DD came home rather than to the sleepover (covered in sand - they had been having a sand fight - awww )
so two weeks ago DD asked (bless) if she was allowed to drink WKD at another "new Girls" 14th sleepover party - i was shocked and said no which is when it all came out that the other friends had all been offered and accepted WKD by "new girl 1" mother back at easter !! some of them were still 13 at the time
DD says some of her friends had been given permission to drink alcohol this time and "new girl 2" was asking who wanted some on fb so her mother knew how much to buy!
is it just me - as i am not a big drinker - that finds this shocking? i mean its illegal for a start and although DD stuck to her promise and didn't drink with her friends a precedent has now been set and i am unsure whether to go with the majority or risk DD lying to me in future or feeling left out
i really strongly believe that 13/14 is too young for WKD - especially something marketed as "a bit naughty" and i know i will not be offering it at DD's party in december but i seem to be the only person bothered by this AIBU ?

it's not a grey area though (and all I saw was citing tbh)

look at direct.gov it spells it out

worra they told the police they were just burning the weeks rubbish from the car

even if their kids had a serious happy meal addiction ,that was slightly taking the piss!

It's not illegal to give teenagers alcohol in your home, which is what the mother did.
DD is 15 and has had cider at a friend's house- I knew about it and was fine with it.
Teenagers will drink-it's a rite of passage for many of them. I think it's better to be aware of it and not to make too big a deal of it. Forbidden fruit and all that.

Does it count as in the home if it is not in the teen's own home?

I think it's the same as anything else - if you can prove the alcohol was bought with an intention in mind to give it to an under 18 then you can be prosecuted. Obviously if you're having a family do, and there are 2 16 year olds coming, and because they add to the numbers you throw an extra crate of lager in then it's very difficult to prove. If on the other hand you nip out on your DD's "prom" day to buy a bottle of sparkling wine which they later drink, then the intention almost certainly was there. In this case, the mother has publicly stated her intentions.

Hmm, I'm a bit torn over this one. I remember the first time I went to a party with alcohol was when I was 14. Everyone was expected to take something, and I tore my hair out over how I was going to get my hands something alcoholic until I finally just asked my parents if they could buy something for me. We all had a lo--o-o-ong debate about it and finally they bought me some sort of cider or alcopop or something to take. It was all fine, obviously.

So on the one hand I think it's inevitable that alcohol is inevitable to start playing a part in the social lives of teens around this age, and it is better that the parents accept it and try to control /monitor the situation a little rather than ignoring it or saying an absolute no to alcohol until age 18 (which is bound to get ignored anyway). But on the other hand...yeah I see that it's really annoying for someone else's mother to make that decision and start this whole "introduction to alcohol" thing with your child before you get the chance to decide on your own stance and how you want to play things with her yourself.

Ultimately, I think if it was just a "taste" rather than "here's a bottle of WKD each kids" then I'd be inclined to let it go and think it wasn't such a big deal.

Before tonight I would have been YABU - live and let live etc.

Tonight my DD1 aged 14 has told us that she was just sleeping at a friend's house. OH dropped them off at about 5:30pm.

We have just received a call to tell us that our daughter is very drunk and being sick on the street outside a party that we didn't even know she was going to.
If we know she's going to a party then one of us doesn't drink for doing the pick up but tonight we had no knowledge so we have had to order a taxi at the cost of £25 to go and collect her and bring her home. I am not amused with the person that supplied alcohol at that party and I am especially not amused that she drank alcohol without any thought to her friends and getting home.

It is personal choice. I allow my 13 to have a small drink at home but not without me present.

You can allow a child to drink from the age of five in the UK. At 13 the police would never get involved, even without the parents permission to prosecute. They would say to the person not to do it again, but with permission it is ok over 5.

Here are the laws where I live in Australia;
www.police.tas.gov.au/services-online/pamphlets-publications/youth-and-alcohol/
They are taken very seriously here. My DD1, who is almost 17, has already decided her 18th birthday party will be free from alcohol, (so we aren't going to have ANY, even for the adults). If people dont like it, they dont have to come do they. (less catering and expense for epic )
I closed this thread down and was heading to bed last night when our boarder, who is 17, returned from a party she was supposed to be sleeping over at, which was supposed to have been supervised by parents, because one of the boys had been carted off in an ambulance with alcoholic poisoning!

Some supervision eh!

mrspnut, I hope DD is ok today and also hope she might be put off drinking for a while, did the other parents let the girls go to the party or did they sneak out?

I just wanted to clarify that I am not going to ban alcohol or attempt to force my children not to drink until they are 18, I realise that if there is a will there is a way! But, I AM constantly reinforcing to them that the decision is theirs, and that they should not feel pressure from their friends, peer groups or anyone in society to partake in drinking alcohol as some so-called rite of passage - as it is NOT compulsory to do so. Also, DD who is 16 is easy as she is quite uptight and conservative, I imagine I am going to have my work cut out for me keeping twin DDs who are 14 out of trouble, as they can be right little buggers!

I would quite happily allow my own 13 year old a glass of 'proper' booze (wine, beer, cider), but wouldn't buy WKD - I wouldn't drink it, so I wouldn't give it houseroom iyswim.

I think there's a difference between young teens trying the same alcohol that would be served to adult family/guests -as part of growing up - & buying in alcoholic pop specifically for kids.

(Although maybe the mum in the OP routinely drinks it herself...)

What I would NOT do, & I say this as an ex-publican & as a teacher who has seen some messy & dangerous drink-fuelled situations on residential trips, is serve alcohol to anyone else's U18 year old without their explicit permission.

It's asking for trouble. When someone else's child ends up having their stomach pumped or worse, you really don't want to be the idiot who facilitated the situation.

maryBut the direct.gov site says it is illegal "?for an adult to buy or attempt to buy alcohol on behalf of someone under 18".It doesn't say whether or not buying it and taking it to your own home to give it to them is illegal, but I would have thought so.*

it isnt illegal - that refers to specifically buying for a minor - as in the group who hang round thecorner shop hoping yourwill buy their fags and white lightening for them - that is what is meant by supplying.

At 16 you can legally drink wine in public if you are purchasing a meal to go with it. (amd Im sure it used to be 14, not so long ago)

Thy this site which is a little more explanative:

www.drinkaware.co.uk/talking-to-under-18s/parents/the-law-surrounding-under-18s-and-alcohol?gclid=CJbX7eu7yasCFYMKfAodHkmZ3g

In general, under-16s are allowed in pubs accompanied by an adult, but can?t drink and may have to leave by a certain time. In England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, 16 and 17-year-olds can have wine, cider and beer bought for them by an adult to drink with a meal in a pub.

legally you can let your children drink alcohol in your own home from age five onwards. Although that obviously doesn?t mean you should be giving them champagne on their fifth birthday.

[[
www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_family/family_index_ew/faq_index_family/faq_family_legal_age_drinking_and_smoking.htm]]

The law on the age at which you can drink alcohol is complicated. Before the age of 18, you are not allowed to buy alcohol in pubs or shops, drink alcohol in pubs or outside in public places. It is also unlawful for anyone else to buy alcohol for you if you are under 18 and the drink will be consumed in a pub or public place.

*However, if you're aged 16 or 17, you are allowed to drink wine, beer, or cider (but not other alcohol) with a meal in a restaurant, hotel or part of a pub set apart for eating meals. You can only do this if someone aged 18 or over is with you at the meal and buys the alcohol.

Hope that clears that up!.

so have you not heard about parents being refused alcohol because their teens are in the shop with them? Extreme example if the application of that law. It is illegal - doesn't matter whether it's kids hanging around on the street corner or your own 16yo maturely doing her homework while she waits for her glass of chablis.

Hi - something similar happened to me with my daughter who was 13 at the time. She was invited to stay over with her friend whose Dad was having 50th party. We didn't know parents but know the child a bit (nice kid). I dropped off my daughter and went in to meet the parents (we'd given her a pep talk about men who've had plenty to drink and attractive girls - anyone who's seen my own thread will recognise the irony in this). Anyway, the couple seemed lovely and I was happy my DD was in good hands. Just as we were leaving the Mum said "do you mind if she has a wee drink?". Well I just about collapsed. I said "I certainly do mind - my daughter is 13". She said "ok, well it was only Blue Wicked". I didn't really know what that was but presumed (rightly) vodka-based alcopop. I ended up phoning my daughter, letting her go to the party but making her promise not to drink (she sounded surprised - hadn't crossed her mind) and I picked her up at 11pm to make sure. She was gutted and it did affect her relationship with her friend. Mainly the problem was that friend was horrified at what her mum said to me and now thinks that I would think they are bad people. I don't regret taking the action though. DD had her 14th party last night at our house. They drank Dr Pepper and ate pizza. I saw facebook posts from DD's friends to her saying "thanks for an amazing night". Kids that age don't need alcohol to have a good time. They really don't. What really angered me that night was that the parent was the one encouraging them. TBH I wouldn't have been that annoyed or upset if the girls had helped themselves to some half-finished glasses or a couple of bottles of beer or something. Wouldn't have condoned it and she would have been in trouble - don't get me wrong. But for a parent buying booze for 13/14 year olds - is outrageous and absurd.

I have a very uptight friend who understandably went garrity when her then 13yo got him self totally and utterly bladdered in teh local park.

Thereafter she made over the garage to a den, where he could invite friends round and drink under her watchful eye at weekends. Not sure I agree with it - but her husband used to take the pooled resources of the teenagers and buy a crate of beer for them. 6 teenagers and a crate of 12 lagers does not go very far.

He never did get drunk again. And, as far as I'm aware, never been in any alcohol related trouble.

My inner jury is still out whether that was a wise thing to do - but it worked for them.

Absolutely agree with Row that young teens don't need alcohol. Dd is 15 next months; she's been to some great parties in the last year, not a single one featuring alcohol. There's plenty of time for that over the next few years, but if they can't have a good time without it when they're 14 then they're probably not great fun anyway.

YANBU - 13/14 is young, and giving a child alcohol should be the decision of the parent, not another adult.

Agree with what has been mentioned about reinforcing the social occasion = alcohol message to young teens, and also that giving them sweet drinks that don't taste of booze is pretty shit.

If the mum had called you and said "I'm going to give them all a small glass of sparkling wine, is that ok?" it would be a totally different kettle of fish.

YANBU, I would be very angry that these mums were taking the decision of when and if to give my DD alcohol out of my hands and ruining their parties by making alcohol seem like the normal, cool thing to do.

Anyone who thinks that alcohol is necessary to make a party fun is a bit boring IMO, and downright irresponsible when the party is for schoolgirls.

My parents took the laid-back approach of dropping me (with alcopops in hand) at whatever party I was going to with a warning not to get in a car with anyone who had been drinking. Ditto the pub (without alcopops!). This happened from 14 up. Worst idea ever. I drank far too much, thought it was hilarious when friends ended up passed out in the garden or throwing up on the TV, routinely got lifts home from teenagers who had only just passed their test and were more than worse for wear and did things I don't even want to think about. I was supposedly 'sensible' but when there is very little parental supervision, or the parents are drunk themselves, and your friends are lining up shots, it is hard not to get caught up in it. It all ended one summer at sixth form when I was nearly killed in a car driven by a speeding, drunk friend, I had spent the summer basically glued to the pub bench and had spent all my money on alcohol. I haven't touched alcohol since I was 17 and haven't regretted it once.

Based on my experience, DC will be taught about alcohol, coached on not giving in to peer pressure and will definitely not be attending any parties where alcohol is likely to be until they are 18 and I can't stop them. Also from this thread they will be taught how to help drunk friends and my latest tactic is to make sure they learn to drive and get cars as soon as possible so that they will be designated driver when they are 18 :o

I'm 23 BTW so not fuddy duddy!