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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry to hear that the mother of one of DD's friends offered them WKD at a recent party - ?

98 replies

firebird777 · 01/10/2011 12:24

DD is 14 now and she has a core group of three friends who she has gone to school with since reception so i know all the parents from junior school. now at high school other girls have joined the group and around easter this year one of the "new girls" had a sleepover for her 14th birthday
although invited DD did not attend - they went to the beach first and DD came home rather than to the sleepover (covered in sand - they had been having a sand fight - awww )
so two weeks ago DD asked (bless) if she was allowed to drink WKD at another "new Girls" 14th sleepover party - i was shocked and said no which is when it all came out that the other friends had all been offered and accepted WKD by "new girl 1" mother back at easter !! some of them were still 13 at the time
DD says some of her friends had been given permission to drink alcohol this time and "new girl 2" was asking who wanted some on fb so her mother knew how much to buy!
is it just me - as i am not a big drinker - that finds this shocking? i mean its illegal for a start and although DD stuck to her promise and didn't drink with her friends a precedent has now been set and i am unsure whether to go with the majority or risk DD lying to me in future or feeling left out
i really strongly believe that 13/14 is too young for WKD - especially something marketed as "a bit naughty" and i know i will not be offering it at DD's party in december but i seem to be the only person bothered by this AIBU ?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 01/10/2011 13:42

I have to say it really is alarming how many parents of teenagers (especially girls for some reason) swear to high Heavens their teens don't drink...in fact some would be prepared to bet their life savings on it.

I've actually heard little 'angels' telling their parents they hate alcopops, they think under age drinking is irresponsible...they've even pulled fake 'yuck' faces when taking a sip in front of their parents.

Yet, most weekends and throughout the Summer holidays they're getting pissed out of their heads in the foyer of the flats round the corner to me Sad

I have no idea how they managed to suddenly sober up enough to go home and act normal, unless they say 'goodnight' and head straight to bed?

Either way, I actually took a Mother to show her child drinking and smoking on the stairs of those flats and her DD still swore it was her mates and not her....and the Mother believed her Confused

epicfail · 01/10/2011 14:05

That was me at 15 and 16. Pretty sure dad knew but didnt want to know, mum used to go to bed early so she never saw me stagger in. Therefore, I have no illusions about the probability of my daughters lying to me. That's why we talk about alcohol openly, discuss the effects, talk about peer pressure and we tell them repeatedly they dont HAVE to drink if they dont want to. It is not some required rite of passage. We will not be letting them sleep over at parties where alcohol is likely to be present and have taught them what to do if one of their friends gets drunk. In short, we will not actively encourage them to drink.
Of course if they want to drink they will find a way to do so - I did! But I knew nothing about the effect of alcohol on the growing teenage brain and had no idea what to do with my vomiting friends. Can only hope that openness and education win the day.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 14:08

I make you right there epic

A boy I used to go to school with died in his sleep on his 18th Birthday (choked on his own vomit) and had his friends known anything about looking after him, I'm sure they wouldn't have allowed him to fall asleep on his back...laying on the couch Sad

Maryz · 01/10/2011 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 14:18

It's a mine field isn't it? Sad

Who'd have thought kids would need such different parenting when they're all from the same family?

But generally they do, especially when they're teens.

When parents look at their little ones getting older, they say "Oh, the time goes so fast"

Until they hit their teens and it can't go bloody fast enough for me Grin

epicfail · 01/10/2011 14:21

Terribly sad Worral, when it is possible that a little bit of education might have saved him.

epicfail · 01/10/2011 14:28

And one possibly stupid question - I meant to ask in first post - what is a WKD? (some kind of alcopop? not one we have here in Oz).

Im sure the answer will be blindingly obvious!

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 14:30

Yes it's an alcopop that comes in all different flavours

aldiwhore · 01/10/2011 14:31

Its bloody vile is what it is. I sincerely hope my kids like Gin and Tonic.

Maryz · 01/10/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 01/10/2011 14:36

Maryz that happened to my (usually very sensible) sister. She'd been drinking cider on a hot day, she drank too much because "she was really thirsty" (rolly eyes) and was very VERY drunk. Her friend's parents put her on the sofa and let her sleep it off, they then went out. Her friend phoned my brother (who's never been very sensible) who shot round to get her, carried her home, sat with her all night to make sure she was okay....

DooinMeCleanin · 01/10/2011 14:42

I live quite close to Newcastle and at 15 was off down the local nightclubs getting pissed with my mates. This was normal.

I'd not have problem with a 14 year old drinking a WKD but I do think that the mother should have asked you prior to asking the dc.

having grown up in the NE, however, I have to warn you that drinking unfortunately features heavily in most teen social circles, so it's probably not the last time you'll encounter this and before long your dds friends will be nightclubbing and she'll be wanting to join them.

epicfail · 01/10/2011 14:43

Google tells me WKD has in fact arrived downunder. Woo!!, just what we need. More alcopops. We have a special alcopops tax you know. To stop teens drinking them. Confused

RedHotPokers · 01/10/2011 14:48

OP YANBU.

Its one thing to let your own child have a small amount of alcohol in your own home, or turn a blind eye to (whilst also being aware of) 'normal' teenage rite of passage drinking. But to take orders for alcohol for your DCs 13 and 14yo friends is just unbelievable!

Feminine · 01/10/2011 14:59

Where I live, parents can be prosecuted if a teen finds alcohol in the house and drinks it!

Thats scary enough, but at least teens don't tend to indulge in underage drinking.

It is actually one of the things that concerns me about returning to the UK.
Most of my family are pretty big boozers and alcohol is everywhere.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 15:01

Where do you live Feminine?

PrincessTamTam · 01/10/2011 15:03

I agree with epic's post. It is best to talk to them and educate them, and especially over how to look after their friends when drunk - this is SO important - to look after each other.

Having said that I really do think 13/14 is just too young - physiologically apart from anything else - their bodies just can't cope with it at that age. Teens tend to grow and change alarmingly between 13 and 16 and this makes a massive difference.

The other problem is that alcohol can make young teens bolder and encourage them to try other things, like drugs. My DS2 (15) was at school with a girl who did this and died as a result. It was a tragic accident and she was particularly unlucky, but it started with alcohol at too young an age. She was at an unsupervised party and the other kids just didn't know what to do. Talk to them, educate them, teach them what to do in an emergency, that's all you can do.

YADNBU in this case - this mother is taking silly risks with other peoples kids, and is out of order.

catgirl1976 · 01/10/2011 15:09

Its the fact it was WKD that would annoy me the most. I wouldn't mind a single glass of champagne being given, or a small glass of wine or even one beer each but WKD? Horrific. Shows dreadful taste for one and as it is gut rot designed to taste like a sugary drink is dangerous for teenagers as they may not realise how much alchohol they are drinking.

Feminine · 01/10/2011 15:11

worra the US. :)

Maryz · 01/10/2011 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 15:15

Ahh perhaps it depends on the state you're in (no pun intended!) Feminine but the US has it's fair share of teenage drink and drug problems.

activate · 01/10/2011 15:18

don't think it's a big deal if monitored by parents - it's when the kids are sneaking around drinking gut-rot cider or anything they can get their hands on that trouble starts

agree with the dislike of alcopops and think a glass of champagne or a beer more appropriate

It is not illegal for a person under 18 to drink alcohol at home or at a friend?s house. Parents can choose to give young people some of their own alcohol when at home.

sensible drinking with meals also allowed for age 16 to 17 year olds in public restaurants (as long as they're with an adult and not responsible for buying it)

I am surprised at the "illegal" comments, I thought people on this site found out facts first

Feminine · 01/10/2011 15:21

Very true worra.

Where I am is a very conservative spot :)

There are massive drug problems , kids are given drug awareness lessons from 6...our old neighbors spent all all W/end burning their 'tools of the trade' Wink

Actually ,I am glad you reminded me about the problems here, it reminds me there are no safe havens as far as teens are concerned.

Maryz · 01/10/2011 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 15:22

Lol @ 'burning the tools of the trade'

I have a mental image of everyone standing round the bonfire and inhaling deeply Grin

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